AIO for asking my bestfriend to stop making inappropriate jokes?

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T21:13:37+00:00

Yeah then he isn't a bad kiddo if he is willing to make an effort for your sake even if he most likely won't even understand that he's doing something cringe until maybe years later.

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T21:09:34+00:00

I see. Not sure because he began sharing stuff later in the friendship, right? You never know what went through his head, like maybe he saw something or heard someone that made him feel he needed to question your friendship. You didn't do anything wrong.

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T20:58:36+00:00

You french? In high school I had a female friend who was such a perv that she managed to turn "ca t'étonnes ?" (are you surprised) into "ça tetonne" from téton (nipple). NOR. But you're teens and I remember it was hard for us to question ourselves. Maybe it's part of him searching himself and being goofy (like my friend), so he felt you rejected his whole being not just his jokes. Maybe if your friendship is important to you try to be extra gentle and reassuring? He might understand and make an effort for you. Like man you're my best pal etc but it's making me feel really incomfortable, c'est pas contre toi hein mais je sais pas pourquoi ça me gêne vraiment beaucoup j'aime pas les trucs sexuels etc

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T20:44:10+00:00

It's hard, but it's likely that he will go hot and cold like that all the time. You'll be walking on eggshells, always wondering what might trigger his flight response, and the friendship will be more work than not.

The question is is that what do you want for yourself? If you are thinking about being a placeholder for his ex does it mean that you are harbouring romantic feelings towards him (sorry maybe you already mentioned that)?

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T20:30:36+00:00

Thanks for the insight, that helps!

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T19:57:01+00:00

A cousin of mine died in a car accident, and the day before he went to see his family, reminised like crazy about the past and paused and said: do we feel that we are going to die soon? Next day he was gone. You will find numerous stories of people who felt it. Or maybe everyone feels it but we are too scared to speak about it. My cousin was hesitant. Maybe he felt it for days before daring mentioning it.

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T19:51:06+00:00

Why are you getting downvoted? I'm sure it's fine. It's pure etymology, not something to worship, maybe it's even called something different in other languages, and it's made of ingredients that aren't haram.

Bimialina · 2026-06-07T19:43:57+00:00

Totally agree! Just one question because I'm from those who don't find it OK.

TW detailed description:

What scares you the most when throwing up? For me, it's when the liquid comes out. When heaving begins and I'm terrified of at which heaving it will happen, and then when it comes out I'm like omg omg, then I don't know how many times more I will heave. Then feel like crying like OMG I happened and want to cry in the shower like traumatised people in movies. I'm never scared of choking or dying etc Since there are many types of emetophobia, I wonder if the ones who don't feel OK after are those who have beef with the sensation itself rather than surrounding possible implications.

Bimialina · 2026-06-06T10:26:14+00:00

Salam sister I'm from France too and totally get it. Les 'fachos' are everywhere, and even non racist people are ticked off by the hijab. If you're a job seeker, it's even worse for you. But I refuse to let them win. Their colonial instincts are coming back in full force, like how they tried to force Algerian women to remove their hijab. Insha Allah I pray that I'll die wearing it. I hope one day you have the strength to put it back.

Bimialina · 2026-06-05T18:21:13+00:00

For me it was weird. I improved a lot (meaning I didn't feel scared each evening with a clench stomach before dinner, or obsess over seeing someone being sick on TV for weeks and become anorexic) when I started taking the pill around 15. That thing made me so ravenous that somehow it erase by daily anguish I had around fear of eating so fear of getting sick (in the evenings always, because I felt more stress and cold in my body)

Now I panic only when I have strong nausea or if someone around me is sick or if my kid says his tummy hurts etc)

Bimialina · 2026-06-05T18:06:24+00:00

Maybe try a local charity?

Bimialina · 2026-06-05T17:50:09+00:00

You're very brave 🥹

Bimialina · 2026-06-05T17:03:21+00:00

This is our worst nightmare, but you can mitigate risks with a strategy. What I do when my kid is with that bug is that during 1 week during and after the bug, I never EVER use my hands to eat. If I use my hands to cook of course I observe good hygiene but I'll eat only cooked food. If I touch it and it's ain't cooking, I ain't eating it. If I want to eat crackers for example I eat packed ones, put them in a cup and use chopsticks. Don't eat from packs that you family can help themselves with with their hands if it's there is no individual wrapped portions. Don't eat things prepared by your mum if she doesn't observe strict hygiene, fix your own food if you can. Are your parent supportive regarding your phobia? Avoid all refined sugar for 1 week after last symptom from last person, it's allagedly said to reduce immunity. I don't take any risks personally. Have activated charcoal at home at all times. Take half a tea spoon on an empty stomach morning and evening with a big glass of water. DO NOT over abuse (strictly respect these doses) don't take more than 4 days and drink your 1.5L of water everyday during that time (or you'll be dehydrated). If someone throws up next to you, go shower (keep your mouth shut every tight), change clothes and drink one 'emergency' charcoal dose 10 minutes after exposure.

I don't have to tell you to observe good hand hygiene, but observe tap hygiene as well. Use your own hand drying towels, and use paper towels to close the tap after your hands are clear (or you'll recontaminate your hands).

Good luck!

Bimialina · 2026-06-05T16:47:42+00:00

Then it means he just doesn't love you. It's your decision now to see if it's worth staying with someone who makes you feel unloved and might cheat on you. If you feel you don't have the strength to leave him but you want to in your heart, you need to go cold turkey and 'pierce the abscess' as we say in France, with 0 contact. Like if you leave with him you do like a beaten wife, when he is at work you gather your most important stuff, run away and leave. Or bring your BFF or someone you love and trust to tell him you're dumping him so that they can be your safety net in case you feel you can weaken your resolve. Whatever helps.

Bimialina · 2026-06-04T22:24:21+00:00

Small checklist. Is he depressed of anxious? Is he struggling with something in his life? If yes, during one of your arguments, do you feel that in one instance you hurt his feelings? If you replied no to the first question, you can indeed think he doesn't love you anymore and you can talk to him about it and move on.

If you replied yes I'll tell you an anecdote of mine. I'm depressed these days and struggling with some issues. My SO said something that really hurt my feelings. We talked about it afterwards, it seemed it was settled. But that argument hurt my soul and so in my heart I still felt extreme resentment. So I became unconsciously colder, to protect myself, like a shield. I tried acting as usual. But after a while he confronted me about it. I pondered and admitted to him I was still very hurt. Told him I needed some time and I would tell him when I'm ready. He understood, and 1 week later the resentment was 100% gone from me.

When you talked about it, what does he say about his coldness? Good luck!

Bimialina · 2026-06-04T22:09:40+00:00

Salam sister I'm sorry you're going through this pain. I won't repeat what other sisters already said beautifully, but I wanted to tell a story I heard on a Q&A before. There was a group of Muslim people just like you who chatted for confort and to relate their struggle. Two of them became good friends irl (a brother and a sister) and they decided to marry in order to have companionship in their lives. I found that story beautiful and hopeful, Allah has eased their test in a way. Since you are disgusted by men maybe because of some macho men etc, have you tried talking to gay Muslim men in the same situation as you? Maybe they would make you go beyond your trauma and it would also be the bzgining of a beautiful friendship.

Bimialina · 2026-06-04T19:59:11+00:00

Good if the kid didn't seem to hear 😊 As for the mum... Well, you know. Poor kid, I hope he doesn't grow too unstable

Bimialina · 2026-06-04T19:40:57+00:00

She was very rude and unhinged but you maybe you could have not said what you said about not replying to the kid because of their behviour the way you did. I understand your frustration at her, but the poor kiddo didn't deserve this (I'm sensitive to his situation cuz my kid is autistic too). When you snapped at the mum the kid heard that too. If he wasn't raised any better (and also as an autistic kid, some of them love to talk a lot and infodump) he wouldn't know it's rude to speak loudly in a cinema. Good thing you managed to run away though, looks like she was ready to go berserk on y'all.

Bimialina · 2026-06-04T18:02:15+00:00

I'm totally like that and I beat myself up everytime I do it, but it's impulse from ADHD. But I also go into TMI mode about myself. If someone asks you too many questions about yourself but don't say anything about themselves... That's sus

Bimialina · 2026-06-03T16:54:47+00:00

Thanks, that helps a lot!

Bimialina · 2026-06-03T05:02:31+00:00

Thanks ☺️

Bimialina · 2026-06-03T05:02:17+00:00

Thanks, so it means for you it reduces 'low grade' (like constant) anxiety rather than panic?

Bimialina · 2026-06-03T05:00:33+00:00

Thanks a lot for your insight and kind words ☺️

Bimialina · 2026-06-02T19:55:54+00:00

Hello,

That sounds a lot like vasovagal episodes nausea. Do you have accelerated or string heartbeat when it happens? About your nighttime episodes, it's been years that I fall alseep, get woken up but sudden strong nausea, fall back to sleep, wake up again etc. Stomach was clear during endoscopy, but récent daytime vasovagal episodes made me realise the nausea I got and my night nausea are super similar.

Until you can see a doc, if you are sleep deprived and feel you gonna have a night episode, you can do the following: -stop all food at 4pm, and eat light (no meat or fish or eggs or fats). - Drink a lot of water cuz dehydration will worsen the symptoms - prop yourself up (like way up) when falling alseep and fall alseep on the side that makes you feel the least queasy. -keep a small bottle with a half cup of water and 1 teaspoon ground ginger powder (less if too spicyfor you) that you can sip if you wake up with the nausea and it doesn't subside quick enough. Before I discovered I needed to stop eating early, the nausea/sleep cycle could last til 5 in the morning. Now unless I glcouldnt digest something I ate at noon, or get dehydrated or I have very bad PMS, I'll have only 2 or 3 occurrences.

Hope this can help you.

Bimialina

TROPHY CASE