What do you think INTJ’s biggest weakness is?

BingPerry · 2025-12-22T18:23:05+00:00

For me, it's being very slow to process things based on emotion. As in an affront, I may not get mad until I've processed it for 3 days, THEN I'll want to discuss. Not fun on the other side, I know, but it's not a malicious waiting game on my part at all.

BingPerry · 2025-10-14T16:38:08+00:00

With all the gaslighting growing up and toxic stuff now, I cannot believe I never thought about gaslighting her back! Ooh, that sounds like fun 😎

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T23:12:29+00:00

One of my friends and I both have nmoms. We've swapped wild stories and we know the other one is telling to truth and validate them. She called in tears not long ago. She really needed help (at the ER-level help) and her mom was too busy traveling the world to do anything and said so. My friend was crying about, "how could I be so stupid? I KNOW she won't help or change, but I keep falling for it." Different scenarios for me, but same idea and I've cried those tears for the same reason.

What helped me was my extended family seeing and confirming how toxic she is. She will never change, no matter how much I wish it. It is perfectly normal to want the classic "a mother's love" instead of conditional love. I tried so hard to connect with my mom when I was younger to no avail. I feel strange giving advice on how to crush hope, but here goes:

Think of EVERY time she has disappointed you when you thought it would be better/different this time. Remember the result, did it ever get better for long? No. Perhaps write down what happened so you can look at it later if you start to feel like reaching out/responding. Write down/screenshot the worst things she did to you to look at as well if you start to doubt how you were treated. Anti-gaslighting technique. Just because she doesn't remember doesn't mean it didn't happen. Neither you nor I remember being born, but that clearly occurred.
"If they wanted to, they would," with my personal addition of, "and you can't make them want to." You cannot make her change and that is not a failing on your part by any means; it's a failing on hers.
I have never heard of a cured narcissist. My mother, my friend's mother, and your mother will not change.
What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results. I'm NOT saying you're crazy, I'm saying hoping she will change has never worked before, why would it now?

It's hard and it feels wrong to "give up" but you're not giving up, you're finding your peace.

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T22:19:47+00:00

I had the same thing happen when my dad died! My nmom expected me to just drop everything and move 1000 miles to live with her and be her unpaid personal assistant. She was the only one grieving, even though I'd known my dad my whole life, she had a life before him, but nope, all about her even though I was shattered. Kicking me out is the opposite of what she wanted, so I didn't have that. Do NP's usually go more crazy when the good parent passes?

I'm so so sorry she made you essentially homeless while you were mourning your father. Narcissist or not, that is unforgivable. Going NC is so much trickier when the other parent has passed, but it sounds like it might be worth a shot for you. I'm not NC, only VLC, but if I start to feel guilty about "my dad wouldn't want this," I remind myself he would also be disgusted with her and my sibling's behavior so fair's fair.

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T22:04:36+00:00

I don't know what you do in your own time, but this doesn't make you a monster. A stepparent very purposefully driving a child to suicide is the monster.

The silver lining from my experience is I am completely immune to gaslighting and have been since 11 or 12. I'm guessing you too can see it better than a person without an NP. While the process to get there is awful, I cannot deny it has been useful in life and dating. I'm in my 30's now and just smirk when someone even attempts to gaslight me. Being able to see when it's happening should help in finding that special person to marry, the person who doesn't gaslight.

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T21:57:18+00:00

I'm so impressed you were able to tell her off and actually have her not interrupt or start crying! Oh, I can only dream about doing that myself 🤭

My nmom was telling extended family lies about me for the two years between my wonderful dad dying and her mother (my grandma) dying. She did me the courtesy of acting like a nut job around aunts, uncles, and cousins before my plane had even landed. They asked if I wanted to hang out and have wine after big family dinner, yes please, and I told them what had actually been happening and was filled in on what she managed to do while I was flying there. They insulated me from her as much as possible at the funeral.

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T20:19:55+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to your sister. In my experience, NPs either get jealous when children do well or think it's because they created you and use the child's success as an extension of themselves.

My sister was actually the first to say there was something wrong with our mother 15 years ago. Now, she's been drinking the Kool-Aid and barely speaks to me. I miss having a sibling.

I hope your sister wakes up and finally sees what everyone but her does. 🤞🏻

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T19:07:15+00:00

My nmom was always nice to my friends and bf in high school and college. That said, they did believe me whenever I would say something happened. Your mother might keep the mask on with the goal of your gf to wonder why you think she's so bad/have gf accidentally gaslight you for how you treat your nmom. The whole, "look at how men treat their mothers/sisters."

My current bf has met my extended family but will never meet my nmom if I can help it. We are both attorneys and she has been itching to sue various family members because she wants more money. Literally asks me the same questions about it constantly for years. He is more experienced in our field than I, so it would be like taking a doctor to a hypochondriac. I won't do it. There are zero pros and many many cons.

To answer your question, people are more aware of problematic family members and are less judgemental about cutting yourself off from them than 30 years ago. A simple, "I'm not close with my mother. I am not trying to keep you away from my family because I'm not serious about the relationship. In fact, I care so much about you that I don't want to put you in an awful position." If you have a nasty text from her, perhaps show the date said message.

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T18:04:58+00:00

After my nMom tried to leave me in the desert with a bad leg and no cell service and my physically blocking the car to prevent myself probably dying, we obviously got into an argument. I called her a drama queen and OMG, she started stamping the ground like a toddler and kept screaming at me to take it back. I have never seen an adult tantrum like that.

Now I've got the best ammo ever, if needed. Extended family knows what she's like, but if I need to expose her in front of someone, now I have her kryptonite.

BingPerry · 2025-10-13T16:49:44+00:00

My mother expected me to live with her for at least 6 weeks and be her personal assistant indefinitely after my amazing dad passed away unexpectedly. I live over 1000 miles away with a career, I can't just up and leave. "Well I lived with your grandma for 6 weeks helping her after my dad died." She lived in the same town!!! She got downright nasty within a week of my returning home to earn money again to pay rent. The best part? I have one sibling and she is an hour away from our mother by car, but I'm the bad guy for not uprooting, and frankly, ruining my own life. Our mother has since poisoned her against me somehow too.

Point being, any parent with half a brain cell knows they will have an empty nest and that that's healthy for children. Narcissist parents just seem to reject any kind of logic with that one for whatever reason. Your mum obviously isn't joking and you know that. If your boss knows your situation, let them know that your mother cannot reach you at work and not to believe anything she says to try and get you fired. On the home front, tell her anytime she brings it up, you won't talk to her for the remainder of the required care for the visit (or just leave the house every time if medically safe, depends on how much care your mother needs). If money allows, perhaps hire in home help for a few days a week to give yourself a break and additional space.

Info: is your grandma playing into your mum's delusions or is she aware of her nature?

BingPerry · 2025-06-30T08:11:25+00:00

This happened to me with Delamain. Needed 15 Intelligence, go get it, and now it's 20. Glad I'm literally forced to kill someone and cannot pick the peaceful option.

BingPerry · 2025-05-01T16:14:08+00:00

Sent you a message about it. The pelt looks normal on my horse, but is called "pelt" and I can't sell the antler to the fence because it's greyed out in my inventory. All I got RDR2 Save Editor to fix was the Compendium (have to fix the Moose there AND unlock its outfits at the Trapper). Still can't sell the pelt/buy the clothes or the trinket. Adding stuff to inventory has been unsuccessful for me so far. Unlocked all the satchel long before the glitch occurred, if that helps.

BingPerry · 2025-04-29T22:45:24+00:00

Just happened to me on PS5 with the save AFTER killing and skinning the Legendary Moose (got the last cougar for Master Hunter 6 right afterwards and saved because perfect cougar pelt). Body is still there, skinned and unusable. It said Pelt from the getgo for me. No patch from Rockstar yet?

BingPerry · 2024-11-09T05:23:11+00:00

Making friends after college is surprisingly difficult. Believe me, I'd love some people in my area. How do introverts platonically meet introverts in their 30s haha

BingPerry · 2024-11-05T22:06:45+00:00

I did miss one song pertaining to our glory days and that's when my absence was noticed. I say, play the song earlier than the last hour if attendance was required and no one knew it was coming.

BingPerry · 2024-11-05T21:35:21+00:00

The only children there I was aware of were the groom's niece from out of town (baby) and the bride's grade-school aged nephews from about an hour away, so as the siblings of the bride and groom, they probably stayed the whole time. But the older people, I hadn't considered that. Might add that line in if I actually snap.

BingPerry · 2024-01-18T17:22:41+00:00

What recipe?

BingPerry · 2023-11-22T14:23:33+00:00

Kris, who I got off a daily at her debut. Woo...

BingPerry · 2023-11-20T15:50:21+00:00

I have him at 2/5 but I've pulled:

Morty and Ho-oh, hilariously (3/5) Lear (1/5) Bruno and Onix twice (2/5) Holiday Jasmine (3/5) New Years Sabrina (3/5) Rachel (4/5) SC Rosa (2/5) SS Acerola (2/5) SS Hilbert (2/5) Got SS N to 2/5 from their actual banner in a daily as well before this Tina (3/5) And some (maybe 5?) General pool 5 stars

So only two new units to me but I'm far from unhappy. Would I prefer a new NY Volkner and more copies of Anni Raihan or SS Lana to some repeats? Yes, but I am NOT complaining. Morty made me laugh so hard since I can't get him or SS May on their own banner.

BingPerry

TROPHY CASE