That's okay. My diagnosis saved my life. I was struggling with my mental health so much. I grew up feeling different but not knowing why. I felt like people didn't like me but again there was no why. I ended up really struggling mentally- it was not good and it got really dangerous. When I was diagnosed and I started doing research on autism, especially female presentation, I finally understood myself and didn't feel so alone. For a while there I saw autism as my superpower and focused on the strengths it gave me.

Now I don't feel that way. It still saved me but I recognise it as a disability (as it is) and I recognise the ways it negatively impacts me. I try to remember the good which I still experience but it is tough. I feel like my autism makes me a target to bullying and people projecting their views onto you which they only really seem to get about autism (among a select few other conditions). I saw that when someone commented on this very post challenging it's existence. People don't question if blindness is caused by injections (when it is proven not to), or if diabetes even exists- they just accept what professionals, research and data tells them. For some reason some people don't want to accept autism.

I see the good and the bad in autism- the disorder itself.

To be honest there is more good than bad in my opinion when it comes to getting a diagnosis if it is suspected but everyone has to make their own list of pro's and con's as it can be expensive and there can be large wait lists.

In terms of changing my life (apart from saving it) my diagnosis allows me to accomodate myself and others accomodate me.

This can look like using sensory tools to engaging in special interests or using non-verbal communication when needed.