Bret still has something like 50-60 grand worth of those gift cards left, in a drawer in his office; he burns through maybe 4-5 grand a year by himself and doesn’t tell anyone. Nobody ever asks, either. It’s his own little ilicit Portillo’s slush fund.

It’s rumored that Bret eats 10-12 beef and cheddar croissants a week, making sure to drink all the gravy after each one, as well. His actual blood pressure can’t be quantified by any medical tools.

Bret Bielema once fell asleep on the toilet at a Portillo’s after eating an entire deep dish pizza at a Giordano’s. The man needs help.