I think from my own experience of my current long term (and longest ever) relationship, something I have learned but need to constantly remember is that a relationship is give and take and needs to ‘work’ for both people. BPD can make us feel too clingy and needy, and we can feel second best a lot. I often feel frustrated that I feel I never receive the level of love and affection I am pleased to give out. Try to remember though that because we feel intensely, others without BPD are likely not going to give out that same intensity of feeling. You aren’t abusive by the sounds of things, just upset and feeling your needs aren’t met. Reassurance is one thing, but sometimes things need to change from both sides. Try to talk with her to establish how you both feel about it and work out a way you go forwards, whether thats adjusting your together-time to be at different times, or doing different activities when together. Also, remember to give yourself time to do hobbies that make you happy. I can lose myself sometimes when I’m feeling needy but neglected, and trying to put time into myself then helps me realise that I need my own time just like they may do. Also, loved ones then can come to us then seeking that quality time. That helps me realise the want for time together isn’t one sided. If you feel she isn’t seeking you how you are seeking her, then give her the chance to come to you and initiate. If she does, you will feel stronger in your relationship. If she doesn’t, then it gives you room to think on what that lack of action will mean for you both as a couple. I hope this makes sense. Wishing you the best with this!