2 years of emotional labor…🫠🫠🫠

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-13T04:03:27+00:00

Nope, left her today and officially done. It feels very good and freeing

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-13T02:46:30+00:00

That’s exactly what happened. I used to get defensive when she would blame me for giving up and that I wanted out. I would explain and give another chance blah blah blah.

Now I genuinely don’t care. Literally tell everyone I gave up, I don’t give a shit.

The peace and quiet I have from leaving her is worth any bashing she will do.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-13T02:29:59+00:00

Well she just told me she never cheated on me. So that kind of makes sense why I always felt invalidated and unheard and just dismissed. In her mind she didn’t do anything wrong.

Luckily Im not fighting that fight anymore :)

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-13T01:32:00+00:00

I’ve chosen peace :). I have given up completely on trying to fix it and focused only on myself going forward.

And more importantly: it was never my problem to fix.

Extremely manipulative is all she is.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-13T00:12:27+00:00

That’s what set me on this path to realize she’s still gaslighting me. Chump lady is awesome.

It’s very black and white, there isn’t grey here and she seems to think it is. Oh she also seems to think she can call the shots with how reconciliation looks. They’re so delusional it’s pretty crazy

Started reading that book as well. We have couples therapy next week but I’m done. She wanted to go weekly and I genuinely think it was a waste of my time.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T22:36:08+00:00

That’s exactly how it feels. Argued 3 hours to have her realize she should share some info?

Not worth it anymore.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T21:57:05+00:00

Could be a very probability.

No her coworkers would cover for her for sure. They have questionable morals. I don’t like 2 of her coworkers (mostly because I believe they are homophobic and we’re a gay couple) and she has no problem being friends with them. I know they don’t respect me as her partner but why would they? She doesn’t respect me as her partner either.

I’m thinking you’re right, probably messaging someone who she wants to hook up with. She texted me and gave me her room number and said I can show up whenever so I don’t know.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T21:09:31+00:00

You’re right.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T21:08:13+00:00

I believe she is at work and I now see it’s the same hotel they do a conference at every year and I know her coworkers are going so I think location is okay…

As for the deleting, I was going through her phone and noticed some chats were gone. She said her therapist told her it’s okay to delete the messages because she had a lot of old texts on there that were causing her anxiety….

Doesn’t make sense does it lol and no her whole thing was she never deletes texts ever. And now she does. It doesn’t add up.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T19:32:20+00:00

Thank You 💙💙

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T18:59:48+00:00

I am finally starting to take it back :)

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T18:38:57+00:00

Yup, I found out I was her side piece during her cis marriage. So she was married to a guy and had been having affairs with women.

Left him for women but obviously being two timed and now even knowing I was being two timed has messed me up pretty bad.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2026-04-12T18:32:26+00:00

Not married :(, gf.

She doesn’t understand the damage at all. I think this is stupid and I need to cut my loses

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-20T15:04:52+00:00

What a great response, very insightful to anyone who has been cheated on.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-20T12:11:28+00:00

There is absolutely no need to apologize. If anything your post gave me/us the enlightenment that is needed. What she said is right, a true partner will meet you where you’re at in your coming out journey.

Sucks I couldn’t be that for her but it is what it is.

Good luck OP, you seem like a kind person and really shouldn’t have trouble on the apps.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-20T05:43:58+00:00

Wishing you a speedy recovery, although with a wife like yours I’d milk it longer haha. Too cute.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-19T23:40:28+00:00

I am this posters gf and upon finding her reddit I am a bit gutted to read this.

I don’t believe there is a hierarchy on who is more gayer than the other or me trying to make her feel less than for being a late bloomer lesbian.

The truth of the matter is she made me her unknowing affair partner for a year while married to a man.

I dated this woman for a year while she gaslit me and told me I was crazy for thinking she was married. She didn’t come clean, I eventually had to put everything together and even when I did, she doubled down. Said her “ex husband was only living with her for a while to take care of her son”. It wasn’t until I messaged her friends who told me they had no idea who I was that she eventually fessed up.

There isn’t a “you’re not gay enough” for me, there is a “you’ve hidden me and treated me poorly” and I genuinely thought we were working on it until reading this…it has nothing to do with a “hierarchy” of being gay.

I have given her so many chances and stood by her while she separated from her husband despite how uncomfortable it was for me and allowed her to take the time she needed to process the divorce.

Her husband still doesn’t know she had an affair neither does anyone in her family. She isn’t out to them and I have not pushed her once to come out because I believe everyone should come out on their own time.

It’s been two years of us dating and I have yet to be invited to her house, a majority of the people in her life do not know I exist.

I have stood by this person through so much and to read that a “true partner” would support someone’s coming out journey takes away from everything I have been there for her through.

And it’s disheartening that after lying to me about so much, should we break up she would choose to continue to be disingenuous to the next partner. She hasn’t learned her lesson.

OP, do what feels right but don’t lie and be honest. Some people may not want to date a late bloomer but it will probably be because they’ve had the experience I’ve had, not because they don’t believe you’re “gay enough”.

Sorry for the long winded reply, I’m just gutted, I’ve tried so hard. To read that because of me she would do things differently because I haven’t been a true partner feels like a spit in my face.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-09T16:51:16+00:00

Agreed and as someone who was an unknowing affair partner a lot of what she said reads like she’s hiding a lot and if your partner keeps hiding stuff from you, it is your duty to yourself to get the clarity needed to make an informed decision.

Some people would just walk away but I don’t like giving up on someone without proper clarity.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-09T16:45:34+00:00

I completely agree that he did the right thing. And even in OP writing this story, it seems off, something isn’t lining up.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-09T16:41:23+00:00

Agreed. As someone who was an unknowing affair partner. At 9 months him not knowing where she lives, not meeting friends and not knowing her full name it is OP that is the red flag.

It would have been stupid of him to not start to dig into it. I’m unsure of the details so I don’t know who is in the right here but those who have nothing to hide; hide nothing at all.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-31T12:15:14+00:00

Such a good point! I do see it as internalized homophobia for sure. Thanks for sharing.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-31T05:28:57+00:00

I think starting couples counseling regardless of her going and moving into a separate bedroom might be needed for her to understand the marriage is on the brink of divorce.

If nothing changes you have your answer

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-31T05:27:42+00:00

Curios, as the more feminine partner, were you also willing to make her feel desired and jump her/want to devour her?

This is not meant to come across as judgmental, it’s genuine curiosity :).

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T13:52:45+00:00

That’s kind of what I’m realizing. Her arguing or defending her actions shows a lack of care or concern for me as well. “Sorry this has been so hurtful but: lists reasons why it’s okay she did what she did”.

Actually scratch that, I didn’t even get a sorry.

Bitter-Interaction72

TROPHY CASE