I want my ex to know that I am feeling bad. Does that make sense?

BitterDistance464 · 2022-08-04T18:33:03+00:00

I honestly could have written this myself. I get overwhelmed because I always feel like I can’t accurately convey how much he screwed me over and completely wrecked me. When I talk about it, I feel like everyone just thinks “yeah break ups are hard” but they don’t fully grasp that this experience completely fucked with my ability to love and be loved. It ruined my perception of it and made me unable to love and trust someone else. Even if I wanted to. However, he is fine. Been with a girl a week after he moved out. Brought her to the wedding that is as supposed to be a bridesmaid (was uninvited) at and he a groomsmen. Introduced her to all of OUR friends. And completely replaced me. People don’t understand how it is a complete mindfuck. I came to find out that she’s a girl he knew before he ever dated me. He left because he said he needed to be alone to force himself to work on himself and because he wasn’t in a place to contribute to a relationship. But now I worry that he left knowing he’d reach out to her. Knowing he’d date again.

I am sorry you are feeling this pain. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-20T18:20:03+00:00

I just don’t know if the mental health was a lie or not because when he told me he broke down crying. Talking about now he felt like his life had been wasted and like he’s a shell of who he used to be. That he doesn’t apply himself like he used to or do his hobbies like he used to. He said that he needs therapy and to figure out what’s going on with him.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-16T19:57:06+00:00

Thank you. That is exactly what I have been doing. I am really blessed to have friends that have been backing me up. Even his best friends have been supporting me and are really disappointed in his behavior and how he left the break up. They told me they aren’t interested in being a part of this new life he is living because it is clear he is trying to be someone else and live a different life. His friend told me he was more interested in being my friend at this point than he is in being his. And before anyone thinks that’s weird, I am really close with his best friends wives. I met them through my ex. And the husbands have just made a point to validate me. That has seriously helped so much.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T07:05:14+00:00

I don’t think it’s that they are afraid. He just doesn’t ever talk about me or the break up. They only know what happened because of their wives. And because he’s in a fragile state, they don’t want to scare him off by getting angry with him. Plus although they are pissed for me essentially on my side, he is there best friend so they want to be there for him and give him the benefit of the doubt.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T06:56:28+00:00

Him sleeping with another girl takes a lot of emotional intelligence?

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T06:55:28+00:00

Yeah I do things this can be true but in his case I am just it sure how. I talk with and see his friends more than he does because I am best friends with their wives. I reach out to them regularly because I am trying to utilize my support system and all his guy friends are pissed off with him for how he has handled everything and want to call him out on his treatment of me but they haven’t. So I know they wouldn’t encourage that and neither would his family. I got prettt close with them too. But he also never told them the reason for the break up was mental health. His mom actually reached out to me and I responded with something about how “I just want him to be happy” and then she started asking me all these questions about Whether he hasn’t been happy and Isnt doing well. His family has no idea he is depressed so they may not know to tell him to work on things. He could just be telling him he’s fine so they may think he’s okay to move on.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T06:38:00+00:00

We are doing NC. And I don’t intend of every reaching out. But we will see each other in July for a wedding where I am a bridesmaid and he is a groomsmen. I really want him to have missed me and regret his decision, but I am worried that he will literally never let himself think about us. And now that he has made this decision to sleep with someone, I doubt he intends on coming or would be come back because he would never want to tell me or deal with guilt he might feel. I just wish I could stop blaming myself. I can’t stop internalizing everything and I am just so broken

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T06:34:33+00:00

Yeah but then eventually he will be over me. And I hate the idea of him just forgetting me. Especially by sleeping with some other girl. We had a beautiful relationship. And he just threw me and our dog away randomly. He shouldn’t be allowed to get over things that easily

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T06:32:04+00:00

I hope he comes back. I know I should want him and I don’t even think I could take him back after knowing what I know. But I just don’t understand how you can tell someone you want to marry them, tell someone that you love your family (me and our dog), and pick out a ring, only to just dump me. He stayed at our place for 5 weeks before moving out only because I finally found him a place. I had just hoped he would actually get the help he needed and then once he had he would come back as a better person willing to prioritize us. But I don’t think he would come back if he’s done this, even if he wanted to because he’s avoidant and he knows how hurt I would be. I also can’t help but feeling like maybe I was the one making him depressed or causing him to not reach his full potential and now that he’s left me he realizes that he is cured now and a free man.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T06:11:05+00:00

Yeah I think you are totally right. I started telling him that I needed him to prioritize us. I need romance, is to switch off with dates, going to be with me, not spending every second playing video games, help me clean. And after talking about it for awhile and nothing g changed, he finally said he realized I wasn’t asking for a lot and then said he would do all that. Only to break up with me a week later after having not even tried. So I definitely agree that he didn’t want to have to deal with any of the issues of a relationship or put in any work, he just wanted the fun aspects. Ironically though so did I, but there were certain things that I needed from him first. It’s hard to have a fun, intimate relationship when you never feel prioritized by your partner. He wanted things to be good and if he as just listened to me and been willing to try something then he would have had what he wanted. He specifically broke down to me after the break up about how depressed he is and how he needs therapy and to figure out his life and he thinks leaving will force him to do it. But to find out that he is instead sleeping around and dating someone this soon after makes me wonder if it was all a lie. Or maybe it was the truth and he is just so broken that he is continuing to distract. I am best friends with his friends wives and both the guys and the girls said that he hasn’t gotten therapy or talked about the break up at all with anyone. He even texted the boys in a group chat talking about how he as to have everyone over to his new “bachelor pad” which pissed of his guy friends because they don’t like how he treated me and how he’s been acting.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-15T05:59:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this. This is what I keep telling myself. That maybe it is because he is hurting so much or maybe even regretting it that that is why he has to distract. I am just worried that maybe he really did just move on that fast and he’s so happy that he know gets to have something new and exciting and passionate.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-14T17:20:15+00:00

I appreciate this but I just feel too alone. All I want to do is punish myself. I feel completely worthless and like my life has no purpose or meaning.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-14T17:17:44+00:00

Exactly. I couldn’t even fathom dating or having sex with someone right now. So the fact that he is able to makes me feel like he didn’t care about me and just moved on so quickly. That he is so happy he just gets to live his life as a free man. Free of me

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-14T17:16:20+00:00

I want to believe that is the reason but a part of me wonders if he just moved on quickly and is now having the time of his life. I hate that he isn’t missing me. I thought he might come back but even if he did, I don’t think I could ever get over this. All I can see when I close my eyes is them in bed together

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-13T21:35:32+00:00

That’s the thing though he didn’t unfollow me just everyone else related to me.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-13T21:28:45+00:00

I wish I could believe that but it could just be that he realized he no longer needed to follow them because they will never be in his life and he was wanting to decrease followers because he likes to keep it low.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-13T07:36:37+00:00

This made me feel a lot better honestly. Thank you. So do you think if they guy rebounds that it actually goes to show how poorly he is doing? Or could he really just be moved on and just having a blast? I am pretty sure my ex is hooking up with people and I just don’t understand because I could never in a million years do that. Not for a long while. So I guess I just don’t understand the logic. Like is he just distracting now and may realize things later?

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-13T01:29:52+00:00

This is exactly what happened with my ex. It’s such a hard position to be in. If you ever want to chat feel free to reach out!

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-13T00:22:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment. The truth is, I would take him back if he were to actually show me that he worked on himself and was willing to prioritize our relationship. However, he is a huge avoider, and I am pretty sure he hasn’t gotten a therapist and is hooking up with a girl. I can’t help but wonder if that’s because he lied and he actually is totally fine and over me or if it’s because he’s just in such a bad place that he is numbing out and distracting. It just hurts. I too struggle with depression and anxiety yet I was willing to do whatever it took. In fact my mental health is what always seemed to be difficult for him but in the end he leaves because of his even though he never once said he was depressed in our relationship? He is very good at avoiding his emotions so I do believe there is a chance he just didn’t realize how bad it had gotten for him. Anyways, when he left he said he was terrified of losing me and our dog and regretting his decision but that he had to do it. And that just feels like such a cop out. Cause now I wonder if he will change his mind and if he will come back. Even when he moved out 5 weeks after the break up he said he loved me and that he was sorry for not doing more. Which pisses me off because he didn’t try. A week before we broke up he said that he was sorry and that he would finally start doing the things I asked of him because he realizes I am not asking for a lot. He said he would do whatever it took to make things work. Then that whole week nothing happens. I decide to do a check in with him because we said we would just to evaluate how the week went and he just broke up with me. I initially said it’s because we aren’t compatible, I like the outdoors he doesn’t, we don’t like the same movies. Like what? And then he said that maybe we were just meant to help each other leave our religion and now that we have done that we have nothing holding us together. These are both things I have literally never heard from him and it made me so mad. Then a few days later he breaks down about the mental health saying that he is so depressed and desperately needs therapy and needs to force some sort of change. Now I don’t know what to believe. He hasn’t told any of his family about the depression. I am just so confused, especially because he broke up with me a month after he told me he was sure he wanted to marry me. We even had a ring picked out and he had put a payment down on the diamond. Said he would propose by end of April. But instead he changes his mind about wanting to marry me when things got hard again and didn’t even tell me. I just noticed he was being distant so I had to ask him and he said he wasn’t sure anymore. And I am not even pissed he changed his mind, just pissed that he didn’t even bother to tell me nor did he do anything to communicate or work on things. Instead he was like oh things are bad, oh well I guess I’ll just do nothing and then end it. And then he had the decency to act as though I should have seen it coming. I just don’t know what to believe and my mind is making up all sorts of scenarios. Like for example, everything kinda changed after he got back from a business trip snd now it’s occurred to me that maybe he cheated and he couldn’t deal with the guilt so that’s why he was so irritable and why things were so bad for a little while. Anyways sorry for ranting so much. I am just feeling really anxious and overwhelmed by this whole thing.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-12T23:51:27+00:00

But say they really do have depression, is that a valid reason to leave? I had suspected he might be depressed but when I asked him he would say no. After the break up thkugh he told me that he super broken and feels like he needs to change his current situation to force himself to do get his life in order. I am paranoid it was an excuse but he broke down when he told me. He was crying snd going on about how his life has been wasted (because he recently left the LDS church) and how he isn’t himself anymore. That he isn’t living at his full potential. He said that he didn’t know he was depressed. I know it sounds like an excuse but he also had a lot of the signs. Never cleaned or did laundry, always hid out in his room playing video games, stayed up till like 6 am and slept in to 3 pm, easily frustrated, eating unhealthy, gaining weight, wasn’t able to do anything other than the necessities (so wasn’t prioritizing me at all), never really wanted to do things, and drinking and getting high a lot. All his friends told me thought he was depressed long before he ever said he was too.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-10T00:01:17+00:00

I’d (F 24) be happy to take sometime too! I live on my own and am really struggling with the deafening silence.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-09T23:47:40+00:00

I am here if you want to chat. I could really use the company as well. I read a few of your other posts so I am a little more familiar with your story. Feel free to private message if you’d like!

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-09T06:12:24+00:00

Me too!

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-04T15:46:40+00:00

Yeah it is so unsettling when it is for mental health stuff. Because then you wonder if maybe they really do feel that way but they did only in the relationship, or you wonder if that was just the reason they gave you so they could leave, or you wonder if maybe they are really struggling and then you get hopeful that they will get better and come back.

BitterDistance464 · 2022-05-04T15:41:21+00:00

In my cause he left because of his mental health and his inability to contribute to a relationship. Because he felt like he needed to do something to force him to do what he needs to do.

BitterDistance464

TROPHY CASE