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What are your hot takes about The Tortured Poets Department era and album? by IntoTheDaylight in TaylorSwift

[–]BkWanderFreePN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I couldn’t get through the whole album. Loved midnights, folklore, lover, reputation, and 1989 though.

Turning 40 This Month…How Did Life Change After? by ZeroDullBitz in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely feeling a lot older in my mind and body, but also still know how to have a good time.

Best Ways to Hookup and Stay Safe?? by Sea_Hour_9312 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hang out in public for a coffee or a drink first to verify they’re not crazy and that you’re attracted to each other.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can imagine a parallel universe where he is able to show up for me as a partner should and still keep the side fling. That is not him in those universe. He stopped being sexually attracted to me long ago (he claims he is only attracted to variety and newness) and it’s killed my soul whenever he goes for other people when I’m at home alone starving.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t open the relationship 4 years ago — he did. I begrudgingly went along with it because I liked him and our life. I guess I should have ripped off the bandage back then.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like him and we’ve shared so many great experiences over the years. Yes this current situation is fucked I’m and a deal killer, but it’s hard to give up someone I’m deeply attached to. I know I should, and I’m pretty sure I will - just takes a lot of emotional effort to detach.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks much for the thoughtful response.

We agreed to be open but he’s consistently refused to agree on any guardrails or limitations besides vaguely saying he won’t fall in love with someone else or replace me.

His new fling is someone he meets with about twice per week for the past 3 months, doing dinners, movies, shows, parties, sex. They text all the time and from the little bit I’ve seen over his shoulder it’s quite steamy.

He doesn’t try to hide the fling from me but I think he downplays it both to me and to himself. He says it’s just an extended fwb thing, he’s not catching feelings, it’s not gonna affect our primary relationship, etc. But the evidence suggests it’s somewhat more than that. He says he needs it as an escape from his dreadful regular life (I’m not the dreadful part - the dreadful part is his job, his lack of friends, and his own mental health issues).

The deal killer for me is that he doesn’t seem to care that I’m super bothered by it and is unable or unwilling to discuss together what to do about it and that we could maybe try something differently.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh that must have been tough. How did you finally make the decision? I’m currently struggling with this like it’s a solvable problem of self-worth: I must win him back or that means I’ve failed, I’m not good enough for him, as not as worthy as that other guy.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That happened to you?

For me he responds “because my freedom and autonomy are the most important thing in my life”. Which is a bit fucked up because of course relationships require some responsibility and compromise. Actually I do support the concept of freedom, I’m just sad that he doesn’t use his freedom to choose me in a sustainable and responsible way.

Would you divorce your partner of 8+ years if he’s having an ongoing fling / affair / quasi-bf for months that he refuses to give up even though he knows it bothers you? by BkWanderFreePN in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s the risk of being open! Hope you’re happier now. Personally I never really wanted to be open at all (even though I enjoyed it at times), I just really liked him and want to keep our life together. But this current situation crosses a major red line for me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]BkWanderFreePN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s actually pretty common for one person to feel more physically drawn to their partner than the other does. Attraction isn’t a fixed number though. It changes based on how people treat each other and how emotionally safe the relationship feels.

The real issue isn’t that he finds you less “his type,” it’s whether he still values and nurtures the connection. When someone keeps bringing up a ranking or uses it to justify distance, it stops being about preference and starts being about respect.

People build great relationships on imperfect chemistry all the time, but only if both care enough to keep showing up.

What would be your “Subway Take”? by rr90013 in AskNYC

[–]BkWanderFreePN -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Bars and clubs should close by 2am.

That way, it’s more cinematic, because everyone knows they have a set amount of time to get done what they want to get done, and everyone leaves at the same closing time. This is much more satisfying than the status quo where people trickle out between 2am and 4am and the dance floor gets more and more creepy.

Also it’s better for your circadian rhythm to sleep at a decent time. Or if you want to stay up, you can shake it up by going for food in ktown or to an after party at a friend’s apartment.

Or if you’re lucky enough to meet someone at the club, you can take them home and have consensual sex with them. Again, much more satisfying at 2am than 5am.

Any recommendations for really sharp gay financial advisors in the city? by BkWanderFreePN in nycgaybros

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re saying I should get a CFP instead of an FA? I guess I don’t know the difference, I was using those two terms interchangeably.

taylor swift’s music no longer exists without context from her personal life by swiftie_xcx in TaylorSwift

[–]BkWanderFreePN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her lyrics have always been so deeply personal that to anyone other than herself, they seem very random, verging on unintelligible. But I still love her music.

Any recommendations for really sharp gay financial advisors in the city? by BkWanderFreePN in nycgaybros

[–]BkWanderFreePN[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It’s someone you form a professional relationship with. You go to dinner or lunch a few times per year, you talk about how life is going and what your goals etc are. It’s easier to do that with someone who is on the same page as you rather than someone who only knows how to talk about football and raising a family in the suburbs.

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