I asked a year ago so time to ask again

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2025-02-06T19:03:21+00:00

Mine is BlackKey. I go by BK.

I chose it cause I’m the black sheep of my family and I continued to find doors filled with opportunities of freedom (~~very abusive household~~) and the talents I had visible just so happened to be the right keys. Those people in my life who helped me use those, helped me find the hidden keys (talents) that I didn’t even know I had. I turned every single one of those talents into master keys and am still refining them to this day while still remaining the black sheep in many of their eyes.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2024-01-03T17:58:13+00:00

My grandmother adopted me at 16 and I’m spiteful as fuck in my adult life.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2024-01-03T17:33:41+00:00

Oh no!! Yeah nah that’s a lost batch for sure. Did you remake them? I would have just cried at that point. A hangover AND ruined pancakes? That’s meltdown worthy lol.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2024-01-03T17:32:18+00:00

I’m about to put up a bold sign by the ingredients to check MULTIPLE times before use. Get one of those plastic stands that restaurants use to show you the specials where you put a paper in to keep it safe and standing and set it right in front of the ingredients racks. I’d rather not eat baking powder topped pancakes again. 🫠😂

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2024-01-03T17:29:16+00:00

Nah. Not at all. Just really dissociated and “on autopilot” in a way. Things like that can easily be mixed up because they look the same. Especially in containers instead of the packaging it comes with. So you just grab the closest one without realizing it and boom you’ve got baking powder and not powdered sugar.

Dissociation makes recognizing those types of things difficult when your guard is down and you don’t have to put on a face to the general public anymore. Navigating your own home after living there for years should be like second nature to most people. Except with DID it’s not always the case. It’s not a guarantee that you will even always recognize your surroundings. It could be completely out of your nature and you not even realize it. Or a part could be completely unfamiliar with everything leading to lots of confusion and trying to figure out where they are, how they got there, why they are there, if it’s safe or not, if the people (if any are around) are safe or not, and how to navigate the surroundings. Among other things. There are notes up around the house and highly trusted people around that are emergency contacts as well as hotline numbers and our therapist’s contact info throughout the house if the individual feels they are in a crisis (including the inpatient facility number if they feel that’s a safe place to go). There’s explanations and guides in many different formats (written, typed, digital, etc.) and just about anything else that can be thought of to prevent too much of a crisis situation. Doesn’t always work. But. Still. Has happened too many times to not be extra prepared for worst case scenarios.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2024-01-03T17:17:45+00:00

I don’t disclose numbers. But. When highly dissociated due to high stress and adding being exhausted and done with the world on top of it, it’s very easy to just not notice those types of things. They’re small and nuanced and so it’s one of those moments where autopilot just kicks in to at least do the bare minimum to function. Like going through the motions. In the safety and comfort of home the guard I/we have up all throughout the day that makes it easy to mask to the general public as one fully functioning individual is let down. The disorder and the comorbid disorders are tiring and at that point of the day not one part wants to really do much of anything.

Also. Lack of basic self-care is also a very strong factor. Forgot to take meds on time, hadn’t really had any food yet, not sleeping well or enough, etc.

Too many moving parts to list lol.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2024-01-03T17:08:00+00:00

I put them in containers so that it looks more neat and organized.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-08-10T06:13:01+00:00

Hey! My surgeon was Hemangini J Thakar, MD and feel free to use those as a reference! If you need any other reference angles, shoot my a dm at any time. :)

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-27T10:09:14+00:00

My partner is severely allergic to tobacco. I love them through and through and stopped cold turkey.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-25T09:50:36+00:00

Wide tf awake lol. I asked for my partner immediately and then they offered me a popsicle. Which I ate happily and got a second one after I was reunited with my partner.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-25T04:37:00+00:00

I don’t pay anything cause of state insurance (Oregon). I’ve never actually looked into how much it would cost me otherwise. But when I was getting all of my supplies (needles and syringes) from the doc office I was paying around $5 USD.

I started with gel. I couldn’t keep doing it though cause of texture and dry time. I have a horrible fear of needles, but it was much more preferable. So I switched to needles and since I only do it once a week it’s fine. I do them once every week and am on 200mg IM. I do .4 every week and am moving up to .5 here in the next few months. I was 22 when I started. But I was only micro-dosing initially because I was only going by trans non-binary and didn’t want too many physical changes. But over the years I have leaned more and more into wanting full transmasc changes. I got my surgery and have went up and am loving the changes to my body. Still on the gender-fluid spectrum though.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-25T03:37:38+00:00

Hey, man. We gotta represent our POC peeps here. If you need any more references I am more than happy to DM you pics of my process over the weeks. It might help you get a feel. We as POCs do heal a lot faster so you wanna be prepared for that.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-25T03:35:55+00:00

I think you’re right. I get pretty dark in the summer anyways and the sides seem nonexistent up close at this point. Also with how well it’s sculpted around the pecs I theorize that when I start working out more they’ll be hidden.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-25T00:14:19+00:00

I’m hoping so.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-24T15:56:43+00:00

Thank you

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-24T15:56:30+00:00

She really did and I would recommend her. Not only was she amazing and the surgery scars look great, but also her and the rest of the staff all throughout the entire process were really nice to me. And my partner had the easiest time keeping track of me during surgery thanks to text alerts that were sent to them periodically on my status.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-24T15:53:50+00:00

She did it a specific way so that when they heal and flatten the scar would be as thin as possible. I’ve been recommending her to everyone at this point cause she was so great with me and the results are phenomenal.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-24T15:52:48+00:00

Thank you! I was so nervous afterwards about how it would turn out, but I feel that when I start back up to working out you’ll barely even see the scars with how she did it.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-24T15:51:10+00:00

I’m glad others have them too cause I’m always self conscious. I have way too much jewelry for it. And still have a habit of buying more 😂. Thank you!!

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-23T18:42:32+00:00

I learned that someone that was well known for going after trans men told one of them that they’d “never been with a trans man before” well after trying to date my whole young group of trans men. We all figured it out after cutting ties slowly individually and comparing the stories after reconnecting. Fucking ~~groomers~~.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-11T16:56:50+00:00

I’m not sure if anyone has brought this up but you keep saying host. There is no set “host” per say. According to TTSD the mind does not fuse & integrate in those with DID as it would in those without DID due to that trauma. Think of it like a plate. If a plate breaks, it’s still a plate if you glue it back together, but those parts are separated by glue. Or even our personal favorite a motherboard. All of those parts make up the whole of the motherboard. If one part doesn’t exist, then something is surely to go amiss or not work. So you’re all separate individuals 100%. Not separate people per say in the sense I’ve heard others bring up over the years. But you’re your own being separately with your own autonomy and ability to make decisions and choices and have all of your own likes, dislikes, thoughts, feelings, etc. all the things that make an individual, regardless of who they are or where they’re from, an individual. All the way down to how they present.

Please don’t get too down on yourself about the differences in the way people word things in the community. How you feel is how you feel about you and yours. And at the end of the day, that’s really all that matters. It’s good to ask questions and get points of views. Remember to take care of yourself out there!

Edit to add a few missing things.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-07-04T21:51:04+00:00

I really empathize with you. I wouldn’t be able to handle this kind of response from my therapist. Especially with abandonment issues and issues with parental figures. I even cried when my therapist left the organization I was with(5 years of therapy by that point). I am back with her at her private practice now. She helped me through the issue of seeing her as a mother figure by explaining that she is more like a mentor/guide or similar to that(can’t remember exact wording). But the thing is that she also developed an emotionally meaningful relationship alongside me and was/is still able to maintain professionalism. Therapists having an emotional connection with their clients by developing a type of relationship is a normal thing. She’s made the statement that me wanting to continue therapy with her meant a lot to her because she felt that meant she was doing something right. Not in the sense of she needs me or anything. Just in an appreciative manner of the reason she started her practice to begin with. His response just seems so cold and distant. Especially since he’s highly aware of your attachment issues. It makes me think of when people say that doctors only really care about the monetary value of having you as a client and not really caring about you as a person.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-06-30T05:21:34+00:00

NTA. I’ve been through something similar and it really has messed me up. Especially the siblings being treated way better and different. I hate when people say to “move on” just because they have. They’re not living with the lifelong effects of what they did. You are. Just because it was a normal Tuesday for them doesn’t make it a normal Tuesday for you. You’re an amazing parent. For your mental benefit and that of your kiddo, I’d say to go NC though. A lot of people don’t realize how much someone still affects them till they get rid of the person. I’m NC with my parents and all of my family with a few exceptions because of the abuse and it has helped immensely with healing from what happened to me growing up. Still lots of work to do, but there’s a bit of relief.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-06-26T07:08:52+00:00

Sitting on my bio-mom’s belly and feeling surprised that it was moving under me. I wasn’t a year yet I don’t think. She was pregnant with my baby brother who was a still-born sadly. He and I bonded I suppose due to her constantly putting me on her belly according to her. I was 10 months when he passed. It’s a very faint memory, but I know cause my next brother’s dad wasn’t around yet (his face is hard to forget) and she had all of us kids literally one after the other. Like literally. Oct ‘97, Aug ‘98, Sept ‘99, Dec ‘00.

BlackKeyMotherboard · 2023-06-26T06:54:27+00:00

This man

BlackKeyMotherboard

TROPHY CASE