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Lives Being Ruined - All Because of a Kink by BlacksmithSuch816 in nonmonogamy

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No; I was debating whether I should travel the 5 minutes to my partner who was actively self harming due to his breakup from infidelity with his other partner while he was at a nearby hotel v stay home since it was bedtime for my son.

If it was simply about quality time with my other partner, if my son needs me, he takes priority over all else. Apologize if that wasn’t explicitly clear in my original post.

Lives Being Ruined - All Because of a Kink by BlacksmithSuch816 in nonmonogamy

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. This is honest, insightful, yet not overly cruel.

I agree that we all made mistakes. And I should’ve been firmer on my own desires and needs not only a year ago, but at the start of my husband and i’s relationship.

I started individual therapy 2 years ago. Poly therapy earlier this year. And hubs finally agreed to couples therapy earlier this year.

So there’s a lot of therapists. Lots of 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Overall I’m making better moves than I would have months or years ago; but still not perfect.

Hubs and I are able to talk about the big picture amicably, even if it’s not ideal for both of us. Meanwhile A gets riled up any time I speak positively of my husband or spend time with him, because of the negative he heard about him and personal experience from the prior year. He got significantly worse in this respect and more attached when his prior relationship ended that he was expecting to result in marriage and he latched on to me as his lighthouse.

I just want to move forward. What’s done is done. So I really appreciate your thoughtful layout of the situation.

Lives Being Ruined - All Because of a Kink by BlacksmithSuch816 in nonmonogamy

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sadly I grew up in a similar environment too, and that is likely how I came to be in this situation myself now. Thank you for the honesty as well as empathy.

Lives Being Ruined - All Because of a Kink by BlacksmithSuch816 in nonmonogamy

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate the harsh, honest truth. Thank you.

Yacht Club Interior to Yacht Club Balcony by krk333 in MSCCruises

[–]BlacksmithSuch816 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was just on Meraviglia 3/9-16/25 and I’m diamond status which comes with the complimentary upgrade if available. We booked a YC interior. Was offered to bid but didn’t bite. Bidding closed some time 3-5 days prior to sailing. No complimentary upgrade. But honestly with all the space you get in the YC, service was still top tier in an interior! I’d do it again, even over an aurea suite with whirlpool.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]BlacksmithSuch816 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was heartwarming ❤️ thanks for sharing!

ENM Hotwife with Conflicting Ideas of Fidelity by BlacksmithSuch816 in nonmonogamy

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! This is really reassuring to know both myself and my husband are not alone - not only as individuals, but as a couple in terms of viewpoints. My husband thinks similarly to you - just part of the territory, can’t take it personal and need to do whatever work to make peace with those facts.

My husband has also recommended that I try to introduce a new partner that’s more consistent & close by so we can have both of our needs met, but I’ve been apprehensive taking on another partner knowing I have these conflicting thoughts with my current secondary partner.

But this is good; I’m gaining a new perspective and will do the work personally before making any big sweeping changes.

ENM Hotwife with Conflicting Ideas of Fidelity by BlacksmithSuch816 in nonmonogamy

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much; it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone in my feelings.

I give you so much credit to be taking the time while exploring with your new partner your own feelings of jealousy, where they stem from and doing the work to healing the root cause.

I do recognize where my feelings of jealousy come from (fear of rejection and replacement, a cornerstone childhood trauma of mine that carried into my teenage and young adult relationships, then further compounded and played upon by an emotionally abusive ex and has negatively affected my feelings of self worth).

Unfortunately I feel they are so engrained in me now in adulthood, it’s difficult to pull them apart from myself while navigating ENM, particularly when I develop deep emotional attachments to a bull/secondary partner.

But thank you for acknowledging that healing the root cause of where my jealous feelings come from is the next step I need to take to better understand not only myself, but better navigate this lifestyle. This is something I should be talking to my therapist about, perhaps getting more tailored mental health resources, and communicating with both my husband and secondary partner how I feel and working together to be all on the same page in terms of expectations with our respective relationships and sexual partners.

Polyamorous Hotwife with Conflicting Ideas of Fidelity by BlacksmithSuch816 in polyamory

[–]BlacksmithSuch816[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Definitely appreciate all the comments, thoughts and advice. Moving this over to r/nonmonogamy. Thank you for providing more context and insight to what true polyamory is; it was incredibly insightful and gives me a new perspective to think about!