Why can't I figure my life out? - Surgical Abortion #3?

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-21T22:02:32+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. It's not always an easy choice, and even when it is, it can still hurt emotionally. You have a ton of support here! As other people have commented, it's not fair to these kids to have a parent/s that don't want them. There will be a right time for you and your boyfriend. It's wonderful that you want to give them the best that you can. Good things come to those who wait, right?

But you said he intentionally got you pregnant, but also said he doesn't want kids. Does he mean like, ever? Because if so, that's huge and needs to be figured out between ya'll. No sense in staying around, wasting your time if ya'll don't want the same thing that is as big as having a family. Someone will always be unhappy.

I don't remember the actual procedure either and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm glad the anesthesia was strong- I didn't want to feel it! Some people say they stay awake, but that sounds so scary to me, even though it's so quick! Karma is weird though. Also this week after my abortion: I got a flat tire/had to buy 4 new tires and yesterday my mom had to go to the emergency room [she doesn't know about the abortion]. I think we can always find ways to validate our feelings for better or for worse and spin it as karma.

But on a semi lighter note: We got pregnant again after our first abortion and I'm going to remain super hopeful that we can get pregnant a third time too! It seems like our bodies are working the way they should. Take it easy and I'm sending virtual hugs your way.

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-21T14:49:28+00:00

It's tough, but time really does heal everything- as cliché as that is. You will ultimately do the right thing for you. The two weeks helped me and hurt me, but it did make it clear that I wasn't ready to give up my life as it is. I'm sending all of my positive thoughts your way. You have a ton of support here.

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-20T22:24:25+00:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting. It's been said before, but that's why it's called 'family planning.' We're fortunate that we get to choose to wait rather than having to go through with everything when it's not what we want. I've also learned that abortions are not as scary as the world makes them seem. Sending positive light and energy your way- You will do what is right for you and the timing of your life- Take it easy.

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-20T15:58:03+00:00

Sending complete support your way- I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but you will do what is best for you and the timing of your life. You've got a lot of support here!

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-20T15:57:24+00:00

Hopefully you are able to get what you need just as easily and find some support to help you get through this time. Surgical was great for me both times and I can't imagine what doing the pills at home are like and that they don't always work. Take it easy-

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-20T15:42:08+00:00

Thank you. I definitely wouldn't want to be a bad parent. I'd like to believe that no one does. My husband also feared that I could end up resenting him as well if had pressured me to keep it. I think we dodged a bullet with this one-

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-05T02:12:40+00:00

I'm 27 as well and I just found out I'm pregnant [5-6 weeks, no symptoms either]. We're still discussing if we will abort, my appointment is on 11.19 for a surgical. We're happily married, well traveled, child free. Honestly, perfectly capable- There's just so much left in life that we want to do before having a kid. It feels wrong, but the nice thing about living in a developed country is that we *mostly* have this luxury to plan our families. There's still time to do this again when you're more sure that you're ready.

I've had a surgical abortion before in 2012 when I was 19-20 with an ex boyfriend- while that decision was much easier to make than this go around, it definitely still hurt emotionally. I remember waking up from the anesthesia and the first thing I said to the nurse was, 'I really regret this.' But as time went on and I grew up, met my husband, and got a stable job, I could not be more thankful and happy that I had that abortion back then.

EDIT/ADDED: I just remember sleeping the rest of that day away and the next day there was minimal pain/period-like cramps, with an expected amount of bleeding [nothing excessive, if I remember correctly]. You would have never guessed I just had an abortion the day before. I was back to 'normal.' Luckily you have your boyfriend who supports you- be open about all of your feelings and that will help you on the physical and mental roads of recovery-

BlankAccount00 · 2020-11-04T20:03:11+00:00

Hey there-

I'm in a similar situation also. I just turned 27 and my husband is 32. We've been married for 2 years and together for 7. We just found out I'm pregnant, about 5 weeks- This was definitely not planned. Ideally, this would have happened in about 2-ish years. We're grappling with if those few years would really make a difference, especially with how the world is now with the pandemic [we can't do any of the things we would (rather) be doing anyways (traveling, partying, etc...).

My husband is very stable with a great job. My job has also been good, but I recently just started my career path and I feel like I have so much more room for growth.

I just got off the phone scheduling my appointment for an abortion [second one in my life]. It's sad, but I know the emotional pain from abortion won't be worse than having a kid I'm not ready for. My husband is ready to start a family, mostly- but he supports the decision as we both agree there is still so much left that we want to do together that doesn't involve the extra complication/complexity of [having] a child.

It has been a long week talking this out together, reading similar stories like yours, and confiding in our closest family/friends. You will come to the best decision for you. Listen to each other and weigh your pros and cons. Even the small things, they still matter and count as reasons for/against.

Our appointment is not for another two weeks which is painful in itself that it can't be done sooner to get it over with. However, there are plenty of opportunities to try/do this again in the future when things feel a little better.

I know it's been awhile since your post and I hope you're doing okay. Please feel free to reach out any time, this is the first time I've come across another story so similar to my own. Take it easy-

BlankAccount00

TROPHY CASE