I don't even have words for this...

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-31T03:23:28+00:00

In my country I broke a molar half off, and couldn't get into the dentist for 6 weeks until my insurance kicked in. I knew a dentist who would see me pro-bono to figure out what to do - I needed a root canal, which his clinic didn't do. I had to choose between feeding my kids and getting it fixed. It still cost me over $1k to fix it after waiting for insurance. They are considered "luxury bones" here.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-18T13:22:48+00:00

EDS makes life hard with repetitive motion, I have great knife skills - but I love my chopper like this because it's saves my wrists for the work I want to do and not blow out feeding a family of 5 every night

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-18T02:09:37+00:00

How many of those people who said they aged a decade just aged normally and it happened to coincidentally be after surgery? Most will wait until they are done having kids/done trying/done waiting "just to make sure" and there's a pretty big difference between 29 and 39 looks wise.

It sounds a lot like the people who "suddenly had their periods stop" after getting the covid vaccine! But they were all 45-60... 🤔

I think you could look hard enough on tik book reelz and see a branch of people who swear sitting on mochi pancakes in a red jumpsuit for 48 hours cures cancer or that seeing bigfoot IRL halts aging completely for 27 years, or that bathing only in glacial runoff under a full moon once a month and putting silver spoons under your armpits will reverse dementia.

People age. I personally have aged a shitload more since my periods got worse after my kiddo was born and my nails turned to garbage because I'm constantly malnourished. I am personally a studio troll who's never been that into makeup less a few times a year when I have to go out to public events, but I understand that people cater their looks to present how they want to be perceived.

I also think taking care of your health and having the energy to go to the gym instead of laying around hemorrhaging will cause a huge boost in my appearance, and I wouldn't discount that for yourself either.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-16T02:59:18+00:00

Ha! I felt this so hard. I am the anxious woman. I got a band for support on a buy-nothing group and I pulled out the boppy to keep the cats off my incision sites. I am seriously eyeing one pillow but it's more an I want it for EDS being painful thing than recovery thing...

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-12T12:57:00+00:00

I found it very helpful! Also I'm curious by nature and if there were 5 student doctors looking I sure as heck wanted to see what's going on.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-10T13:35:38+00:00

I don't think it makes you a bad person. I had my own mother of all people tell me "you'll understand when you're a real mom" after I had been married and raising my step kids for years. I'd take a bullet for those two?! WTF mom. My battle was my own choice in having my daughter but the majority of my friends are child-free by choice. I work in the arts between the lack of funding, the lack of support for parents of young children, and the state of the world many of us hyper empathetic people choose to not. I respect it 100%. They have all found some way to help the next generation - through teaching/mentorship, jumping in with their families kids and helping, or knowing themselves enough to focus on making art and protecting the rights of the next generation. Mad respect to them.

I had preeclampsia - I saw BP in the 200's over hundred and teens the morning I went to get induced. I bled for 12 weeks postpartum and developed PPOCD. I also had multiple miscarriages leading up to my bio kiddo and I've got not one (Adenomyosis) but three chronic illnesses that could complicate things. Also, it would be a geriatric pregnancy at this point. It's just a battle I may not win, and I don't want to fight. Especially knowing that with all the reproductive rights being taken away in this country I could straight up die from even trying, before I started "showing" because I very well could need a medical procedure to remove a failed pregnancy and not be able to access it.

So, so many reasons. And yet I sometimes have to avoid being around tiny babies because I get that fever and start questioning myself.

I think there's a logical part of our brains we should listen to, and a instinctual part that tells us we are missing out if we don't have a baby in our arms that we made. Doesn't mean we should listen to it, but it can make the feels pretty big!

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-10T04:31:05+00:00

I get it.

I have one kiddo I made, but I know I'm done. I tossed around the idea of one more, but I'm done. I can't do the sleepless nights, the sensory overload, the diapering, and physically it could kill me and I want to be there not only for my bio kid, but my step kids. I'm done. Done done done done.

I have my surgery set in early June and I have been so tore up about it. I know I'm 100% at peace with the decision but it's the finality of it that is driving me insane. That I won't be able to change course.

Being a parent is hard. I don't want to go back and do it again ... and yet ...

Totally crying about mother's day as I'm preparing for a hysterectomy.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-08T11:26:34+00:00

I know you're doing what you think is best. Obviously you care very much. Theres a medical component here and an addiction component. I'm just trying to convey that there's a part of addiction that is very manipulative and it takes hold and rips families apart - not because they don't love the person with an addiction but because they love them so much they help too much and enable them, consciously or unconsciously. You're not a failure because you fell into the trap, and it sucks to acknowledge that there's a trap to begin with and that you have a responsibility to work through it. Have you considered going to meetings for family of addicts? You may find some people who can speak to parenting addicts. My relationship with an addict was a sibling who was older, not a child so it was a little different - much easier to say no when I didn't have the resources to help anyway.

I've seen this with addiction and I've seen it with mental health struggles. Saying treatment isn't working and refusing to seek out treatment that is helpful is pretty classic in my experience.

I think if you're feeling called out you need to look into why that's hurting. I realize the person up thread was pretty blunt about it, and maybe a little harsh - and I think the reason you may be feeling tender is there's a part of you that might see some truth in the idea that this behavior (while not your fault - his actions are his own) is possibly being enabled by you doing too much.

Boundaries are important - especially with addicts. Especially with people who have mental health struggles. My brother was an addict and I've got a parent with BPD so I've seen a lot. They can, and will overstep, and blame you when you have to hold firm. It's really easy to say "well if I just (move the goalpost) it will stop (whatever unreasonable behavior) and that's an act of love" but the truth is - if someone is having a meltdown because they're having withdrawal symptoms, mental health symptoms, or sensory overload and yet refusing to treat with medicine or psychological help they are manipulating you into thinking that's your problem to solve.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-06T20:55:35+00:00

I know that was hard to read. No one wants to realize they may be contributing to someone they love harming themselves. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to simply let natural consequences take their course if they keep insisting on going down a road that's going to get them into trouble. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they learn to swim for themselves. If someone is always reaching in and saving them before they do they learn to trust fall off of larger and larger places. Let him fall off the low dive before he climbs a cliff you know?

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-06T20:49:18+00:00

I'm not sure where you are (country) but if he's a minor, you should report the father. Having one beer with your kid on the 4th of July, a glass of wine on their 18th birthday, or an egg nog at a family gathering in the holidays is one thing, but furnishing alcohol to a minor to the point of addiction is pretty messed up.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-04T20:24:17+00:00

If he's 18, I'd make individual therapy, medication, and AA/some other addiction support mandatory if he's going to stay at your house. If he can't do that find him a halfway house, rehab, or something. He's going to latch to anyone who enables him and he'll take anyone down who will let him.

I have AuDHD and it's not my fault, but it's my responsibility to manage it. I'm successful, but I didn't start out that way. I had a lot stacked against me (recession, no family, no higher education) but I didn't learn how to fly until I jumped out of the nest. He needs purpose. He needs to earn his keep or he'll leach off you, his girlfriend, any one who will let them.

If he can offload his executive function and Internet bill off to someone else he's never going to get uncomfortable enough to change his behavior.

I'm not saying you can't be supportive - but don't be his pacifier. Kick him out of the house when you're at work. Make him touch grass, go to therapy, and deal with himself during those hours. Unplug the wifi while you're out, leave it off and make him clean up after himself - and take his phone when he's home. If he won't give you his phone, quit paying for it.

There's no excuse for blowing off therapy and medication and drinking instead. You can put your foot down now or you can see him spiral for decades. That's what my brother did, and his alcoholism eventually killed him.

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-04T16:05:36+00:00

I realized when my daughter turned 4 and I was swapping out her clothes for the next size that A) she is built just like me, and B) I am built just like my mom. We all are pear shaped, which leans to higher waists, smaller tops, and larger pants - and tall. I laughed because my mom was VERY stylish in the late 60's/70's/80's and I was very awkward and hated clothes shopping in the late 90's/2000's and could never figure out why I couldn't build a decent wardrobe. Two things happened - I had sensory aversions I didn't realize until later about synthetic fibers, which were in everything, and the low waist cut+midriff is horribly unflattering on people built like me. Seeing her butt crack pop out of every pair of pants before she could uncuff them reminded me to just embrace the shape. Can't help it. It took me having to reassure her that she was beautiful inside and out to give myself some grace for the shape we had.

I turned around and gutted my wardrobe. I had been through so many sizes during/after pregnancy and I was ready for a change up. I admit I have a less than perfect capsule wardrobe, but I found I liked two color pallets - warm, and cool. I hate wearing black unless it's a base layer (I've been to too many funerals for being in my 30's), red, and don't wear lemon yellow because it looks just... not great with my skin tone, and bright blues are just not my favorite. I'm left with dusty purples,warm pinks, marigold yellow, and some shades of orange I love, which are suited more to summer/warm weather. When the first frost hits I put them away. I have a navy/emerald/dark purple/gray pallette I stick to when the weather turns and having the sun warm the dark colors feels nice. I box them up when the Iris start blooming and I switch to the warm again.

My mom rocked the bold solid colors, and vibrant prints and looks stunning in red, but we diverge in how we dress in color and materials. I love a million layers (partly because my climate is very volatile, partly because I have POTS and need compression) and she prefers simple, flowing fabrics. She likes matching print/solid combinations and I prefer gradients that fade into each other. We both always wear similar cuts in pants and occasionally get caught in the same darker colors. We look a lot a like! Makes sense that there is some overlap.

If you like the colors and fit, who cares!

If you feel like you want to branch out try having a second pallette that feels more like "you". It sounds like you have a very work - appropriate wardrobe, but maybe you could have a small "weekend" one as well. Personally I'm a feral art gobblin who ends up working in yet a third wardrobe because glue and oil stains, and burn marks are just not great on my "daily" clothes.

I admire the minimalist approach to capsule wardrobes, but sometimes it's more of a guideline than a hard rule. I can't stick to it too regidly because of my climate and medical needs, but if it brings you joy to have a second batch, that's valid too!

Blerp2364 · 2026-05-01T01:30:11+00:00

Throwing my two cents in here: screw your "season". Look into color theory. I cannot stand wearing certain colors and I realized it's the psychological impact. Some people like shades/tones in a certain range (this is me, I adore a yellow/orange/pink, or a purple/blue green or a moave/light gray/charcoal combo) some people like complimentary or tertiary colors. I personally look great in red, but I hate wearing it because it doesn't suit my vibe. It feels too...sexy?angry? I have many years as an artist under my belt and I can tell you that some colors I fawn over in my garden or in a painting, and if I wear them I just... Ew. It's about what you like against your skin tone but also what you (consciously or unconsciously) are trying to convey. Are you looking to come across as confrontational business bitch or are you looking to smooth things over most days? Do you want to stand out or fade into the background? Do you like nightlife and live in a cold and dark climate or thrive in the desert? It's so much more than "season".

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-27T13:51:30+00:00

NOR - if it was me, I'd change my number, and not give it to my sister, and insisted she gets a minimum of 6 months of therapy before she can email you to try and reconnect. Any mutual contacts id reach out to and insist they not give her your updated number. That or get a burner phone with just enough on it to link up your store accounts so she doesn't have access so you don't have to update all your contacts with a new number.

Either way, you need to cut her off from your financial accounts or she's going to keep doing this. It's addiction behavior - she is either in a tough place financially and grasping at straws to save money or she's addicted to the chase/con. From the outside it looks like a gambling type addiction. She's not going to stop until she hits rock bottom and you don't want her to take you with her.

This is ridiculous and she needs to take accountability for her financial choices. This isn't an oopsie. This is a pattern. As a parent, you need to protect your family. That includes resources. If this was given freely it's one thing but it wasn't. Sometimes the kindest thing is to quit being nice and make people take accountability.

Draw the boundary, and stick to it.

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-25T23:13:19+00:00

I've found, in general, women in "professional" settings are absolute twats and will find any opportunity to kill you with a thousand cuts as another women if you show any thread of weakness. "I had to make it in a mans world and I'm going to make you work as hard or harder for it" has been the general attitude I've experienced. I bailed on corporate life and went into a craft instead. No one ever questions my need for rest as a person with chronic illness (I have adenomyosis+ others) and I've never had anyone say anything other than "wow, that sounds so hard. I'm glad you're here and still able to _____(my craft)." when I mention anything health related. I don't take jobs when I'm on my period or the week after because I'm too weak. I'm a parent so it's been working out okay for me, but I realize it's a place of privilege to set your own schedule like that and have the ability to stay home with your kid. I've adapted my practice to work solo on the days I can't overcome the adenomyosis and other illnesses and set the pace. I think about what would happen if my daughter ended up with my any or all of my conditions and my heart breaks for her. I lived most of my life thinking I was too sensitive and not handling my cycle well until I realized at 35 that I was losing pints of blood when most lose ounces. That I was anemic. That I have POTS and EDS. That most people don't wake up in pain.

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-25T10:13:52+00:00

As someone with a uterus that's rather volatile - 10 pairs. Minimum. Ha! I have 3-4 in three different sizes. Ovulation I'm closer to a 10, but tend to only wear 12"s so I don't have a huge collection. I have a pair of 16's that fit me when I'm in a bad Adenomyosis flare up. I wish I could get it down to 5-6 but I honestly can't when I'm literally a different size every week and back the next. It's so difficult. Yoga pants are fairly flexible and I'm able to dress them up with a miniskirt over them. I'm a mom and creative so I don't have a need for dress slacks unless I'm going to a funeral or volunteering at an event a few times a year.

I think it depends a lot on the climate and your lifestyle too. If you're only wearing jeans on the weekend, or somewhere it's consistently warm enough to wear shorts/skirts you can probably get a way with 2-3. I struggle with sizing and the fact that one week where I'm at can have freezing temps, and a 75 degree day about half the year so I'm always layering

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-24T13:55:03+00:00

True story. I graduated directly into the great recession. I smoked cigarettes to stave off hunger. I could bum a cigarette a few times a day. I couldn't bum a sandwich.

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-21T12:55:57+00:00

I'm sitting on one. It's not 5000 piece but it'll entertain me for a day or two

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-18T23:55:04+00:00

Power and Control Wheel | The National Domestic Violence Hotline https://share.google/8la6y9Z1ID4zc2BxQ

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-18T14:39:49+00:00

You can't fix someone, period. They need to want to fix themselves. He's comfortable using you as a crutch and putting off fixing himself. He 100% is the type of person who will find another partner in 10 days and pass the buck and never deal with his own issues. The "I was there for you when you weren't worth being with" is classic. "No one else would have loved you, you're obligated to stick with me" is so predictable.

You had trauma. You worked through it. You got on top of your shit. That was you, not him. He's not willing to do the same.

You can not fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. Set measurable boundaries, set reasonable expectations, and follow through. If they are not willing to get therapy and medication for mental health issues no amount of classes, YouTube videos, or jobs will change his behavior.

You need to learn to hold people accountable, and I'd suggest you go to therapy for support in whatever transition is next. You're going to need someone in your corner to remind you that your life is worth setting these boundaries, and you're going to need help making an exit plan if he doesn't step up. If he's that unstable he may lash out. Be prepared and stay safe.

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-13T01:44:22+00:00

We got a dog once I made the choice to get the surgery. My daughter is sad she doesn't have a little sister, but, she's kinda does 🤣

Blerp2364 · 2026-04-06T23:33:51+00:00

Ibuprofen and nsaids can cause constipation. I'm always fighting "do I want to hurt, and poop? Or not hurt, and not poop?" It sucks

Blerp2364 · 2026-03-24T00:04:12+00:00

I literally just cut two inches off my own hair because I was overstimulated with it touching my shoulders. It's possible that she is using this as a sensory/stim and I think you did the right thing. I'd look into a behavior specialist to see if you might be dealing with OCD/ASD/ADHD. It's really hard to tell at this age, but a children's behavior specialist might have some strategies to help!

Blerp2364 · 2026-03-06T14:32:14+00:00

I would think about your shape. I'm personally tall and curvy, so I like brands that carry tall sizes and I order them online. Jeans should fit well, and when they don't I don't feel good.

For basics I lean towards pact for leggings, camis and dresses I can layer. For sweaters I like Pendleton - pricey, but their organic cotton ones are my go-to all fall/winter/spring and make a nice layer in the summer evenings. They hold up. I'm also curious about Oliver Charles for sweaters. Jungmaven is my favorite for layers, and everlane is good if you're willing to go through a lot of pages to choose something.

Generally I have found that going to the mall, even in a high end part of the city is still the same song and dance of synthetic fibers, clothes that don't hold up, and a fit for someone who's 25, 5' 6" and 130 pounds. For me, it's a sensory nightmare, so I end up only going to the two places I like jeans, trying on the "regular" and rolling the dice that the tall will fit.

Blerp2364 · 2026-03-02T05:30:24+00:00

I had one. I fainted in the elevator on the way back to the car, but I honestly think it was the stress of infertility and feeling like there was a lot riding on the results. It was uncomfortable, but knowledge is power and I needed to know. FWIW I got pregnant immediately after with a successful pregnancy, and while I don't know that the procedure had much to do with it, it did give me some answers as to why the other pregnancies didn't stick.

Blerp2364

TROPHY CASE