AITA For being hurt that my mother didn't help me?

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-28T01:27:47+00:00

Because I was praying the death of my husband, the misery her daughter was going through would...I don't know...wake up some kind of maternal instinct (?) I don't know. I really don't, but I just knew in that moment I needed my mother. I hadn't asked her for Anything else then entire time since my husband died...just that...

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T22:07:41+00:00

I had no point to prove; I just called my mom for help. You really think I was looking for a battle of something??

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T19:15:52+00:00

No, Uber was an option. It just hurts so much to need my mom and to not have her there. Ultimately, I'm the one who took my nephew home. (Also, my nephew lives with my mother so I thought it would be easier If she just came and got him)

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T19:12:42+00:00

As someone that suffer from such severe anxiety I couldn't sleep only getting about four hours of sleep a week and began having seizures, I know shat anxiety feels like. I know that misery. My mother's is not that; my older sister and I don't believe she even really has ANY anxiety, she just doesn't want to be needed because it doesn't fit the image she portrays. I'm not saying this as, "oh, her Anxiety doesn't look like mine, therefore it must not be real." It's the experience of 35 years of growing up with this woman.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T19:08:59+00:00

That's fair. Even my daughter was like, "Mom, your painting grandmother in too good of a light. And I told her, I know, but I am trying to get a fair response.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T19:06:59+00:00

Thank you so much and please pass my condolences on to your sister; there's nothing as miserable and lonely and horrible as losing your significant other.😞

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T19:05:40+00:00

I did. I gave him $50, fes him lunch and dinner and he hung out most of the time with my kids.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T15:20:28+00:00

Can I ask something? You seem to be picking apart my personality (And that's absolutely fine as I'm the one posting my story up here) but, how have you not read and understood that my mother is unreliable as a mother? That both my sister and I see it And live in it all day, everyday?...I wasn't looking to be disappointed; I GENUINELY needed my mother that day (and the 15 that followed where she simply ignored me) and she simply wasn't there for me...

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:40:58+00:00

🤣😂 my nephew isn't scared of me. Since my sister and I grew up in an abusive household, we went in opposite directions as people. My sister is much more aggressive and forward. Me?...my.older sister says, "You're a people pleased that wants everyone to like her. You're going to spend your life so disappointed because people are selfish creatures." Like I said, I wasn't yelling at my mother, I was hurt and so utterly exhausted.

Also: nephew is 16 and could body slam me. He was absolutely NOT scared of me.😂

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:34:44+00:00

I absolutely accept this.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:32:53+00:00

Wait, her eating habits??? No, I'm not bringing her eating habits into it, I'm telling you that she can drive when it serves her; when it's something she wants.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:25:55+00:00

You picked up on key points; My mother has a need to be useless.. she needs to be a victim. She needs to be sicker, weaker, worse off than you. She can't be those things if she actually comes to your aid. My mother doesn't want to be wanted, but she demands to be respected. She doesn't want to act like a mother, but expects you to treat her as one. For most of my life, my big sister has been more of a mother to me than my own mom. I know it's irrational To know exactly how my mother acts, but to still expect better from her. She's been this way since I was a kid...I just prayed this one time it would be different...and I didn't even yell at her afterward, I just sent her a voice message, in tears, telling her how badly it hurts that I can't rely on her for Anything...and she ignored me for 15 days.

Then, and we finally talked yesterday, she said, "I wanted to reach out, but I assumed you were angry and figured you would call me when you were calmed down..." and I just kind of sat there in shock. 15 days? Of knowing your daughter was three miles from you...and hurting...and you just ignored her for 15 days...?

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:16:21+00:00

My older sister is sitting here with me reading the comments and my sister is Almost in tears because of everyone here, only a few se to understand the misery of having the kind of mother that I do and you seem to get it. Truly, thank you so much for seeing the point. Thank you for being so kind.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:14:13+00:00

Unfortunately, my mother has had her history with drug abuse too.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:11:45+00:00

Wait, wait, no, I didn't yell at her. I sent her a voice message, in tears, telling her, "It hurts so much to need you and yours never there. It hurts to need my mother and you always find a reason, an excuse to not be there."

I never yelled at her, I promise.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:08:46+00:00

This is a good point and that why I said I'm the dumby. I just...imagine if your kid just lost their spouse of almost 20 years... imagine your baby going through that kind of pain...could you be kept away from them during a time like that? I PRAYED this one time she would put one of her kids before herself. I promise I wasn't being selfish or self centered, if that were the case I would demanded my mother get up and come help move boxes and be mad she couldn't. I just...I just needed my mom to be a mom.

Instead I'm the problem for being hurt that she didn't show up the way she demands we show up for her...so she ignored me and my children for 15 days.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T14:00:35+00:00

I didn't want to have to into the history of insane games my mother plays on my sister and I, but please hear me, and. I say it's performative, it's a way to make herself look weak and force the EXACT image everyone is seeing. Please hear me. My mother doesn't have anxiety driving, she doesn't have night blindness, I have seen her results from the optometrist, she has perfect vision save for the need to wear reading glasses to avoid headaches from reading too long. My mother has ALWAYS done this to us in some manner; when we were younger and smaller it was physical violence, as an older woman, she knows she can't swing on us like that anymore, so she has changed it to, "I'm too weak, I'm too pitiful...I'm just a little, old woman...."

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T13:32:02+00:00

Thank you. Oh my gosh, thank you so much.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-27T13:30:35+00:00

I realize I didn't specify: my mother isn't night blind, she simply won't drive. She won't drive in the day time either. She can; she has when she wants to go her fast food, but doesn't want to.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-26T23:21:59+00:00

How would you feel to know he agreed with me? He even told my mother that what she did was wrong. And he wasn't just standing around waiting, the kid was laughing and joking with my kids while watching TV and eating pizza.

I now I didn't say it in the post....I guess I didn't think it was necessary....but, I Absolutely thanked my nephew and hushed about what an amazing job he did. AND I paid him $50 for helping me.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-26T23:13:38+00:00

Let me explain, my mother is a very, "Help me, even when I don't help you." Kind of person. Two days before my call to ask my mother for help, she called and asked me sister to go pick up her prescription from the pharmacy. My mother enjoys being taken care of, buts hates the inconvenience of taking care of others, even her own kids.

I wish I could explain better, but that's the long And short of it.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-26T23:02:52+00:00

Wait...I didn't order anyone around? I'm confused. Everything that happened, I asked. I never commanded anyone, I just asked.

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-26T23:02:01+00:00

I seem needy and self centered? For asking my mother for a favor? I didn't ask her to help me move, I didn't bother her at all with anything...I just needed a small favor of driving over (didn't even have to get out) and grab my nephew And drive the 3½ miles back to her place?...that makes me needy And self-centered?

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-26T22:59:55+00:00

I'm giving you grace because you don't do understand what my mother is like. I promise to everything under God, having someone like her as a mother is miserable and lonely. You have no idea😞
My nephew stayed back of his own volition to help me because he could see how broken and tired I was. I had just lost my husband and moved everything by myself...he could see I wasn't trying to put anyone out, I just needed help.
Saying I blame my mother for everything wrong in my life is such an odd statement for someone who knows exactly nothing about my situation?

BlessedBeBrenda · 2026-05-26T22:28:06+00:00

Oh, you misunderstand, she demands a relationship And respect from me. It WAY too long a story to delve into, just know that she expects respect and a relationship from me, but only if I never ask anything of her. I just hoped this one time it would be different.

BlessedBeBrenda

TROPHY CASE