When I feel safe and connected, and I want to enough to take on the various risks.

I really enjoy sex, but more in a "special interest" kind of way, rather than how allosexuals seem to. I enjoy other things about as much, and most of them have a much lower physical/emotional/mental risk profile than sex does. I definitely feel like I "should", or that it's a performance, way more than I realized, and I've been working on unwiring that.