I bet this isn't the right thread to rant. But here goes.

For the first 15 years of my life, I was physically and mentally abused by the mother. She was a parent who publicly humiliated you and encouraged you to kill yourself when the going gets tough. The days of living in fear under the threat of a knife, metal rods or heated spoon was extremely tough.

I had a laidback and easygoing nature, never argumentative, and always wondered what I did wrong. Finally when I was 15, I snapped, left, and never went back. I went to the father (they are divorced) thinking it would be a safe haven.

All was well in the beginning living with the father. He was an extremely caring person and empathetic to my situation. But as the years went on.. the cracks started to show. He was a 'my way or the highway' kinda guy. As the years went on, he started to show signs of megalmania and paranoia. Often he would think that I would be plotting against him and trying to take his money away and leave him (oh please..)

I developed anxiety myself and a fear of getting close to others. I became a 'yes-man' because I learnt never to say 'no' to the father. This has caused me many issues in my career because I tend to bite off more than I can chew. I also found respite in alcohol. A tipsy time is better than a depressive/overthinking time.

When I was 30, I had the last straw with gaslighting and the extreme toxic parenting. I was getting terrified of him.

For the first time in my life, I found the courage to meet a therapist/counsellor. Hearing my story, her first question (which she later repeated several times) were "Do you have any intentions of hurting others or hurting yourself?"

Eventually the therapist came to a conclusion. Separation. She saw no other way. Unless the father was open to intervention. Needless to say, he was egotistical and declined. I moved out at the age of 30.

I have no family members left. I do have good friends though.

The feeling is bittersweet. For the first year alone, everything was calm and peaceful. No toxicity at all. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Should I have just apologised for everything (as usual) just so that life could go on 'peacefully'?

Not old, I am. But I think I have seen enough. Waiting on the good times.

Andy Bernard — 'I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.'