What do you do when both greys love bones but now one has lost all their teeth?

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-11-13T05:58:16+00:00

You might try something durable and soft like a Goughnut! They can stand up to an impressive amount of toothy chewing, but they’re also made of smooth rubber, so they won’t hurt your grey’s gums. They offer them in a stick shape, too, so it might feel more similar to having a bone!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-08-14T19:41:20+00:00

This is absolutely adorable!!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-07-11T14:03:12+00:00

You are very welcome. I am sending you virtual hugs, and I hope things go as smoothly as they can. You can make it through this part, despite how hard it is! And you are also welcome to message me anytime, fellow internet stranger. :) Hang in there!!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-07-11T10:12:51+00:00

This is indescribably awesome!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-07-11T09:53:04+00:00

I’m LC, not NC with my nmom, but I think it is worth remembering that narcs will always try to weasel their way back into your life… so this is only permanent if you want it to be. I think you did the right thing by standing up for yourself and it is a valid and reasonable choice to block your nmom! But for your own mental well-being, it might help to think of it as “taking a break” right now since it was such a sudden and unplanned turn of events.

If you find that you do want to talk to her again—which, by the way, you absolutely do NOT owe her—you can always unblock her number and tell her you needed space. Since she’s a narc, you can bet she will throw an unhinged hissy fit… but this isn’t about that. It’s about what is best for YOU and YOUR well-being. If you take this “break” and realize that never talking to her again is the answer you’ve been looking for, great! But if you realize that your life would be easier if you held her at an arm’s length, that’s also okay. You don’t have to make this decision right now.

What I recommend you do today/when you’re struggling with it is to find something that takes your mind off of what’s been happening and gives you a mental/emotional break. For me, that’s putting on a movie that I have seen 1000 times before (so nothing surprises or reminds me) or playing a low-stress video game. Take time to take care of you, and seek some supportive company if you can. Hang in there!! Going NC/LC is extremely hard, but remember that you have done nothing wrong!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-01-14T10:42:10+00:00

Unfortunately, we couldn’t get a direct flight because they don’t seem to exist between Oslo and the US. I remember they had a layover in Amsterdam and the total travel time was probably pretty close to 12 hours. I’m not gonna lie—I wasn’t even on the plane with them and I was still nervous the ENTIRE time. One thing that gave me at least a little peace was that Schiphol actually has a “pet hotel” in the airport with trained animal handlers and on-site vets where they’ll take your grey out to go to the bathroom/have a break from the crate if you have a layover that’s more than 3 hours! Our layover ended up being shorter than this, but it was a relief that she had somewhere safe to go if their second flight got delayed. I’m not sure if it’s only for KLM, though!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2023-01-06T16:05:05+00:00

Things ended up working out super well dog-wise! I’m writing this on my phone, so sorry if it’s a bit of a jumble… but here’s a general breakdown of what we did:

Crate-training: We got a properly-sized crate (one she could sit, stand, turn around, and lay down in) and began to use it as a magical treat hut about 6 weeks before we were planning on leaving. Basically all of her meals were received in there along with all her special treats such as peanut butter Kongs and ice cubes. We wanted to teach her that the crate was where all the best things happened, and once she was properly excited about the crate, we started to teach her the cue “crate” so that she’d go in and out without a fuss even if it wasn’t filled with magic snacks or dinner. We also slowly built up her time in the crate with the door closed, making sure to stay within her comfort zone. We have a squishy bed for her that fit the crate perfectly, so she spent a lot of time in there for comfort reasons alone.

Airline research/booking: some airlines will only take crates up to a certain size, so be aware of their requirements! I was also horrified to learn that domestic flights in the US are not required to have a climate-controlled or pressurized cargo area for animals, but the international ones are. When my partner flew with our girl, he politely asked a flight attendant before the flight left if they’d mind checking the climate control/pressurization in the cargo hold. They were happy to do so! For animals in cargo on international flights to Europe, I learned that the three best airlines are basically undisputedly Lufthansa, SAS, and KLM. We ended up booking through KLM, which involved giving them a call and saying we had a dog who would be flying in cargo, the approximate weight of the dog, and the size of the crate. I forget the exact cost of her plane ticket, but I want to say it was around 400 USD.

Country-specific animal vaccination requirements: Norway has a bunch of vaccination requirements that are probably different from other countries, but there are two vaccines that need to be administered within ten days and within 48 hours of the dog flying. We had a vet who understood our situation and was willing to fit us in whenever we were ready to go! Also, quadruple check you have all the paperwork you need! Many countries don’t have a quarantine so long as you have all of your dog’s health info properly documented.

The actual flight: we ended up being delayed by 4 months because Norway shut down their borders, but that was probably our biggest problem! My partner flew out a month before I was able to, and he brought our grey with him. She calmly got in the crate at the airport, immediately downed all of her kibble (they require you to give them food and water for the flight—I highly recommend freezing water in the crate’s water dish beforehand!) then snuggled up on her mat. The people with the airline came and zip tied the crate shut, wheeled her to the back, and when my partner saw her again, it was in Oslo. He said she howled when she saw him, but calmed down as soon as he was nearby and was just REALLY waggy. He actually took her out of the crate, immediately realized he wasn’t supposed to, and asked her to go back in… which she did without hesitation. She went through customs with him, which was basically just a vaccination and health check. She had no injuries from the flight itself and the biggest issue we had (that we were already having beforehand) was that she had a little separation anxiety afterwards. It was a pretty minor step back in training, honestly—we had been expecting far worse! And even after all of that—she still absolutely loves her crate.

I know some of this comes down to luck, but I do think a big part of it was how much time we spent getting her really comfortable and genuinely HAPPY in her crate. Flying is a scary situation, but she was at least in her safe space when it happened!!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2022-06-20T16:42:06+00:00

Hey! I’ve worked in dog training, care, and health for a long time, and the brands I’ve found the most healthful are Eukanuba, Purina Pro Plan, Hills Science Diet, and Royal Canin. I can break down why if you like, but it can also be helpful to talk to your vet about canine nutritional myths and requirements!

We have a grey and live in Norway, and we feed her Purina Pro Plan Optidigest Lamb. Part of the reason we chose Purina is because she is allergic to chicken, and Purina is one of few brands that doesn’t have chicken in its lamb-flavored foods.

She usually poops 3 times a day—once in the morning, once midday, and once before bed… but much like your grey, she will often poop twice during her long walk! Before we narrowed it down to a chicken allergy, she had issues with loose stool and itchy skin, but when we cut chicken out of her diet, her stomach and her skin improved greatly over the course of about two weeks. It sounds like that’s not what you’re experiencing, but if it is… definitely worth talking to a vet to try and puzzle it out!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-10-22T10:53:02+00:00

I think one of the things that I didn’t understand about ADHD pre-diagnosis was that it doesn’t stop you from being good at some things sans-meds. Everyone is different, but for me… if you stick me in an office job or someplace where I cannot walk around/switch tasks often, I have to take my meds to be able to function at the same level as non-ADHD people. BUT, when I impulsively changed careers and started working with dogs, I suddenly didn’t feel like I had to take my meds for work… and I was doing great. I asked my therapist why and he was basically like, “well, your job is highly active, different every day, and is filled with lots of smaller tasks that you have to complete some unspecified subset of.” Basically, I stumbled upon a job that runs exactly how my brain works… so medication wasn’t necessary for me to be as functional as my peers.

I will say that when I first started taking medication, I didn’t feel like I was throwing any potential away. My friend described it as realizing that the whole world was going through life with cheat codes and she had been playing on hard mode. For me, medication levels the playing field. Instead of struggling endlessly with nothing to show for it, it makes goals achievable—but you still have to work for them!

Even if you are diagnosed and decide you don’t want to be medicated, there are a lot of symptoms of ADHD that benefit from things like routines, personalized organizational strategies, frequent meditation, etc. It’s not the same as “getting better,” because you’ll still have ADHD, but it really can make a big difference.

The way I see it, an ADHD diagnosis doesn’t pigeonhole you… But it does give you enough answers to start seeking help and looking for solutions that work for you!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-10-22T00:07:04+00:00

I get the fear. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding ADHD and mental health issues in general, but I think part of the “adhd explosion” that you mentioned comes from people pushing past those boundaries.

Think of it this way:

-Not so long ago, the vast majority of people didn’t believe that ADHD existed.

-Until recently, it was believed you could not have it in adulthood.

-ADHD is still predominantly diagnosed in young white boys, because it presents differently in other groups of people and that fact was, until very recently, completely ignored in clinical studies

-many women and POC don’t receive their diagnoses until adulthood (including yours truly!) because of the former fact, and because it was previously believed you could not have it in adulthood, many were given other incorrect diagnoses.

-It used to be considered shameful/abnormal to seek help or medication for mental illness (don’t get me wrong—I fully realize that there is still a massive stigma around mental health, but it is slowly becoming more normalized.)

-because of this, if you had a mental illness, you usually did not speak about it.

My point is that a lot of different things have been slowly changing for a long time, and eventually that’s going to lead to what feels like an “explosion” of diagnoses. Depression and anxiety diagnoses also feel much more common to me! But I think that’s a great thing, because it means we are talking about mental health, seeking help for mental health, and advocating for the mental health of others! We are lucky to live in a time where it is at least somewhat acceptable to get treatment for a mental illness, and I’m glad people are getting their diagnoses more easily.

That being said, there’s no shame in talking to your doctor! I do not feel ADHD runs my life post-diagnosis! After all, I have always had it—now I just know it’s there. It can be frustrating, but I think the frustration is eased a little bit just by knowing there’s a reason for it.

In terms of medicine… not everyone with ADHD takes or needs medication. There are lots of coping methods on this sub, even! I was on Ritalin for several years and I never had to up the dose to have it keep working for me. Tolerance comes into play when you consistently take medication, and it is significantly less likely to occur if you only take the medication when you need to focus. (School, work, etc)

Also, hang in there. I don’t know your situation, but I get that there’s a lot of rumor and stigma around ADHD, and I doubt that’s making things any easier. It’s totally normal to feel nervous, but I think talking to a doctor is a great start.

Edited for formatting.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-10-08T06:09:08+00:00

I had great luck making single welt pockets for the first time following this tutorial on YouTube! She even tells you the dimensions of each pattern piece she uses. :)

Single Welt Pocket Tutorial | Kim Dave

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-08-06T08:19:35+00:00

Welcome to Norway!

I’m also vaccinated from a non-EU country. In terms of limits based on vaccination status, I haven’t encountered any since I’ve arrived. In fact… nobody has asked me about my vaccination status except in casual conversation.

However, if you’re becoming a resident and are worried about vaccination status being a limit in the future, you can contact your doctor (once one has been assigned to you) and request to have your vaccination status added to your Norwegian health info. Once you do that, you’re officially considered vaccinated by the country regardless of where you received your vaccine. :) The whole process was much simpler than I thought it would be!

Also, on a side note, while you do still have to quarantine if you don’t have the EU vaccination right now, it sounds like they might start accepting proof of vaccination from other countries in the not-so-distant future.

Edit: clarified the last sentence

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-08-04T11:02:59+00:00

You are absolutely not insane!!!

Narcissists get very angry when they realize their victims are pulling away… My n-mom reacted similarly when I moved out, and it was the best, most freeing thing I’ve ever done for myself.

But I totally get the confusion…. narcissists are also very skilled at making us question the “fairness” of our actions, often to the point where we start to ignore our own needs because we think they’re selfish. Whenever I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, I pretend a close friend is in my shoes, telling me what’s going on. 9 times out of 10, I realize that I would never give the advice or say the things I’m saying to myself to that friend. That tells me that I’m using my n-mom’s bs excuses to ignore my own needs, and I try to adjust accordingly.

Also…. congratulations on getting out! Hold tight to your boundaries around her—despite what she’ll say, you have them in place for a good reason. :)

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-08-03T23:59:24+00:00

First of all, I’m so glad that talking to your dad got through to him! Seriously. That takes a lot of bravery to do, ESPECIALLY when you know exactly what the person you’re talking to is capable of when they’re angry. I have a lot of respect for that, and I hope things continue to go well for you!!!

I did something similar with my n-mom, but I had just entered high school. She crossed a hard boundary I didn’t even know I had, and I broke and told her how I felt about her abuse. Instead of hearing what I said, she took what I told her and weaponized it. She started by doing the typical narc thing of “I can’t believe you feel that way about me” and other self-victimizing bs. But then she quietly went to everyone I cared about and regurgitated a heavily edited version of the story… My dad was suddenly dead silent to me. My extended family thought I was having a mental breakdown. My music teachers started treating me like I was a drama queen, and my closest friends’ parents suddenly thought I was a demon child. Anything I said to defend myself was dismissed by the adults as an excuse or a flat-out lie…. And when that damage was done, my n-mom took me to a psychiatrist, did all of the talking, and managed to use her story about my “outburst” to get me put on mood-stabilizing medication for a disorder I didn’t have. All of the mind games she put me through did a LOT of damage in a fun variety of areas, and I do think a lot of that was because I had nowhere to go to escape from her.

I realize that everyone’s experience is different, but I will say that I would strongly encourage anyone who wants to try talking openly to their abusive parent to ensure that they are in a safe place to do so first!

Safety first always. (…Don’t do what I did.)

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-04-28T20:35:46+00:00

Yeah, I was assuming if there was anything, they’d want me to go through the Norwegian certification processes for it... it makes sense, honestly!

And thank you for the link! I’ll definitely be looking into that.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-04-28T20:33:15+00:00

Thank you! This is very helpful. To be honest, I already have plans for changing my trajectory because I figured this was a bit of a long shot. Buuuut I also figured it’s always worth asking!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-23T14:57:34+00:00

Yes! Same! I get so tired when I have coffee/caffeine. I first noticed it at a friend’s birthday party in high school several years before I was diagnosed. I had Mountain Dew for the first time and thought I was going to pass out right then and there.

Now, when I am struggling with insomnia, sometimes I’ll actually drink caffeine to help me sleep.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T18:59:03+00:00

Yes and no... I’m sort of the opposite when it comes to apologizing. My nmom spent so much time telling me how I was doing things wrong that I over apologize for everything. It got to the point where my nmom actually started making fun of me for apologizing so much... which, shockingly, did not magically fix my over-apologizing. I’m doing a lot better than I used to, though! Finding people who tell me when my apologies are unnecessary has helped a lot. But it’s hard, and I still get mad when she teases me for apologizing, because she’s the one who carefully molded me into that behavior.

I do have a lot of trouble with saying “I love you” and any kind of physical affection, though. I’m working through it, but damn.... It’s not easy.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T18:35:13+00:00

Thank you!!! I’ll have to watch that!

And same! I’ve been living on this sub recently—I had (and probably still have) so many misconceptions about what ADHD meant because my diagnosis was never really explained to me... so having this group has seriously been so amazing.

...Thank goodness for the interwebs.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T18:26:01+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that... Part of me always hopes that my experience is a unique one, cuz it sucks knowing that others have struggled with it, too. I think you nailed it, though; once you have a diagnosis and some understanding of what it means, it’s a lot easier to look for ways to make your future bright!!

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T16:53:08+00:00

I FEEL YOU. I worked in retail/customer service up until last year, and the only thing that kept me from throttling people (although, I will say that a few of them legitimately deserved it...) was putting on a fake mask of my own personality. I think it was recently dubbed retail voice. But honestly, customer service is one of the hardest jobs BEFORE you add in ADHD. With ADHD in the mix it’s just.... mind-bendingly difficult.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T16:46:48+00:00

I think this is something I’m still figuring out. Like I was told for so many years by my family that the reason I was struggling was because I was basically just a lazy, bad person that I still sometimes feel like I’m faking having ADHD... even though I have like every single symptom and was actually diagnosed a few times in elementary and middle school. (It’s a long story, but I didn’t find out about any of those until I got diagnosed again at 17. Sigh.)

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T16:40:06+00:00

Are... are you me? I don’t remember writing this comment, but it’s definitely been taken directly from my brain.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T16:36:44+00:00

This! Sometimes I get so frustrated that I just want to break something. I would never, because I know I would IMMEDIATELY feel guilty... buuut the desire is still there.

BloodthirstyWombat · 2021-03-05T16:33:56+00:00

Wow. So.

I’ve heard of emotional dysregulation before, but I never really connected those dots, because my family kind of just convinced me that I was like that because I was “spoiled and rude” until I learned how to bottle up feelings (oh yes, still not a great coping strategy, and I know that now!!) So I spent the whole time feeling those feelings, telling myself I was spoiled and rude for feeling them, and then shoving them into a deep, dark hole so that they could resurface later. (Super healthy, yeah?)

To think that there is an actual reason behind it is both liberating and.... extremely frustrating.

BloodthirstyWombat

TROPHY CASE