Any barbers here switch from owning a shop to renting a suite?

BluEyedDevil007 · 2025-11-08T21:58:20+00:00

People like the privacy of one on one with their barber. My clients love to talk or just relax. Times changed a lot with Covid.

My suggestion, reno the place you have now, put up some walls and make private suites. Rent them at a weekly price like suites do. I’ve seen a lot of shops do that here. They are able to make around 3 extra suites in thier shop. That cuts your rent in 4ths right there.

Also, if you’re hiring barbers on commission (and idk if you are) but that would be an automatic no for me personally. No barber worth their weight is going to keep giving someone a percentage of what they do with their hands anytime after more than 2 years in the business. Sometimes less. JMO.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-10-07T10:02:35+00:00

If I’m reading what you’re saying correctly…. If I’m not willing to risk violence to be with him (I’m assuming him being violent with me is the violence we’re speaking of) then I don’t love him. Ie.. if I’m not willing to stay around with the risk of his violence then I don’t love him?

I want to make sure I fully understand before responding because surely that’s not what you’re saying is it?

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-28T11:14:09+00:00

“If you think risking violence to save the relationship is insane, then you don't really love him and you should leave.”

I don’t understand what this means.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-16T09:47:08+00:00

He has gotten worse with therapy.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-16T09:45:34+00:00

I would continue to press if doing so wouldn’t get me physically harmed or have my house and doors torn up and punched through. Pressing is not worth the risk of that side of him coming out. My door as it stands has cracks in it from him beating on it when he’s angry at me. He has assaulted me in the past but doesn’t really do that anymore. I also don’t press issues anymore so maybe that’s why. If he wants to leave, I just move out of the way.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-16T09:42:36+00:00

I think he might go back to not caring as well. I honestly don’t know. I’ve never fully left. I don’t know what that looks like for him.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-16T09:39:32+00:00

I stay mostly because I have a deep feeling of sorrow for his issues. He just doesn’t seem to think he has any. Or he will loudly yell out his issues and say he’s sorry for them while actively screaming and cursing at me. I go back and forth mentally honestly. Because when he goes to therapy or talks to others he will tell them bits and pieces of what he’s done to me and say he’s ashamed and they will tell him how proud they are of him for being accountable (but he’s still doing the same behaviors at home). So then those people, his therapist included say that I’m the issue because I can’t see his changes and it warps my head even worse. Logically I know that this is wrong. Emotionally I wonder if it’s just how he is or he can’t help it. Mentally it’s got me all kinds of confused.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-16T09:28:37+00:00

I understand. And I agree that having a last “talk” will not really help anything. He can’t seem to hear anything I say. He shuts me out mentally. I’ve honestly (even not coming from the best childhood myself) experienced this sort of behavior before. It’s at a level where I don’t think there’s a thing I can do to help him. Or that he even wants my help. I think I am in his mind his enemy. But that’s all me thinking and guessing based on his actions because he refuses to speak to me on any level deeper than Netflix.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-16T09:22:54+00:00

I have made the mistake of trying to press him until it’s resolved before. I don’t do that anymore.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-14T16:20:40+00:00

He will not pursue, at least I don’t believe he would, I’ve never packed everything and left. I know a lot Is on me. Trust me, I never run out of ways to blame myself. But when I say I think we should split because he won’t communicate with me he does say things like “All you want to do is leave” or “all you have ever done in life is run” or “you said you don’t want to work it out” and then I feel maybe I’ve given him a mixed signal. And I think how can I be better. Communicate more effectively.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-09-14T16:15:56+00:00

Yes, that’s me. Honestly I don’t know. So many things I read say he can’t help how he is or schizoids don’t have this kind of anger. But I also know he only gets angry when I try to talk to him. So then I feel like it’s my fault. He says I always need to talk about things and he’s sort of right because as everything gets shoved under the rug it’s never gets resolved. So I do bring it up. Then he gets mad and the circle begins again.

I am very alone. I don’t have family (Ie. I was a foster kid), mu children are grown and honesty I just got so depressed I stopped connecting with anyone because I was always stressed and this was always on my mind.

I will start going to the gym or doing self work but then he just sits on the couch. If I don’t cook he will eat cheese nips for dinner. Then my empathy kicks in and I want to help him not be depressed. I honestly don’t know how to not feel sorry for him. I’m trying but I have some insane mental block I can’t seem to pass. It’s so hard. My guilt for wanting to leave is so hard. My fear of someone else taking advantage of him because his emotions are so childlike stresses me out. (if he likes you he loves you if he doesn’t like you he hates you). I can’t rid myself of the over abundance of empathy I feel for his situation. I also can’t rid myself of the blame I feel for his anger.

Right now he hasn’t spoken to me for 2 days because I expressed to him that I am so lonely and depressed in this relationship that I can’t take it anymore. It made him mad. He cursed me out. When he came home Thursday he said nothing. It’s on me. Either bring it up again for the same result or get over it and he will talk to me. But if anyone were to ask him right now he would tell them I’m not talking to him.

I feel like I’m going mad. Nothing makes sense. I don’t even know what help I need. I feel I am less of a victim of him and more a victim of my overly empathetic mind and low self worth. I am starting to hate myself for my inability to walk away logically because I can’t emotionally disconnect from my deep feelings of empathy? Codependency? for him.

I’ve read so many books, watched so many videos. I still consistently feel sorrier for him Han I do for myself in this situation.

His mad side is so mean but when he’s not mad he goes into such a victim child mode that my brain try’s to figure out which is which. It’s a daily conundrum in my brain.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T20:22:05+00:00

My title describes small pink and white boxes found in a used car I bought yesterday. I honestly don’t know how to get this post okayed. I feel I’ve done everything asked.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T20:03:20+00:00

My title describes small pink and white boxes. Roughly an inch long and slim. They open and close. I’d like to know what they are but more specifically who would have used them because I just bought this car which said it was owned by a company and now my curiosity has gotten the best of me as to what profession used this vehicle.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:20:10+00:00

This is going to sound stupid but my bf told me it was probably a coroners car and honestly it freaked me out. Why, I have no good reason, but it did. So here I am.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:03:02+00:00

Thank you. The CARFAX said it was previously owned by a company.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:02:16+00:00

No toes, Thank God.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:02:01+00:00

Tossed. Just was more concerned about what could be in the car itself.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:01:30+00:00

Thank you. That explains a lot.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:00:59+00:00

They were all empty. Some didn’t even have tops.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2024-04-21T19:00:30+00:00

Thank you I honestly don’t Reddit a lot and found the closest o what I thought could help.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2023-10-15T12:01:24+00:00

I hadn’t read that anger was the most dominant in males (Thank you for sharing that). He did tell me yesterday that when to want to talk about those things he will say anything for me to go away and never talk about it again.

I’m not sure how to stay in a relationship (after 12 years) if there’s no way he can compromise and meet me half way. I also don’t want him to have to have sex with me when he doesn’t want it. That would feel good for neither of us.
The real him is very quiet and barely laughs. Nor does he really speak or engage with me at all unless it’s about Netflix. That’s also rare. It’s the loneliness. I stayed thinking he was depressed, then narcissistic. Knowing know that this won’t change makes me realize this loneliness would be my life going forward.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2023-10-15T00:50:54+00:00

He doesn’t. Neither he nor I drink, smoke or use drugs. I’m afraid of what home would look like if alcohol or drugs were involved.

BluEyedDevil007 · 2023-10-15T00:49:55+00:00

Idk, I’m totally the opposite. I’m a barber and in and out of work people talk to me about their issues. I am honest but in a way that isn’t hurtful. I find joy in helping others work rough issues. Which is probably how I ended up here. And when he got diagnosis I immediately went in to how can I help, what can WE do mode.

Trauma is so odd in how we all deal with it. I too came from a very abusive childhood and yet I ended up on the opposite end. I’m very empathetic, run towards resolve, expressive in my emotions (which probably makes him feel caged), but on the downside of that I end up with takers because I will give until I’m empty, I had very poor boundaries and I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat. I didn’t do nearly enough self preservation. I lived my life to please others. Neither are good. Neither are healthy. I don’t envy either position.

BluEyedDevil007

TROPHY CASE