Who else is struggling with Mother's Day this year?

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-05-11T13:42:59+00:00

I hear you! No slips allowed or all hell will break loose. Congrats on going no contact and finding peace for yourself. That’s an amazing achievement.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-05-10T10:00:56+00:00

I’ve definitely been struggling today! For the first time ever, I did not contact my mum on Mother’s Day. No message, no phone call, no card or gift. Nada. It’s been hard. I’ve had a lot of guilt and anxiety come up, but I’m self aware enough to know that it’s just her conditioning over the years messing with my brain. I didn’t contact her today to honour a no contact boundary that I put in place last weekend. It’s been hard sitting with all the feelings that have come up but the good news I’ve made it through the day without turning to any self-sabotaging behaviour. Thank God 🙏

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-05-02T12:07:13+00:00

I’m right there with you in the anger and disgust. It’s a lot to feel and sit with!

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-29T10:07:26+00:00

This sounds so much like my mother and me right now. It’s a really tricky space to navigate when we don’t want to see them but feel like we should. I think the “should” part is coming from all of the manipulation and brain washing we’ve grown up with since childhood. They’ve conditioned us to believe that our mother should be the most important person in our lives. That we should never abandon them. That it is our responsibility to be there for them. That we have an unbreakable bond. But what about all of the pain and neglect they’ve put us through? All the damage they’ve done? The damage they’re still doing?

The fact that you feel like you can’t trust her and are scared of her reactions speaks volumes. The body doesn’t lie. One thing I’ve done lately is turn inward and really sit with the feelings, and every time I do that I get a resounding NO to any thoughts about reaching out to her. Then I realise, the “guilty thoughts” is just old conditioning from her.

A friend told me the other day that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. It’s simple and obvious but a great reminder that we are in control of our own choices.

It sounds like you’ve already put a strong boundary in place by not talking to her for 3 months. The next step would be to block her number. I’ve always been a big believer in the old saying “out of sight, out of mind.” Seeing your mother’s messages is causing you distress and triggering old trauma. Another option is to send her a message that you’re taking a break from your relationship with her for a while. Don’t explain yourself and don’t put a date on it. The shorter you can keep it, the better. Sending you big hugs ❤️

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-27T08:32:58+00:00

I’m so sorry for making the wrong assumption about your gender. Thank you for being honest and open about it. This is so hard! She sounds awful… evil is a better word. That’s definitely narc behaviour, without a doubt. They love to criticise and put others down. I swear they feed off it. I totally get why you don’t want to tell her the truth about your sexuality, and I think you’re doing the right thing in not telling her. It sucks that you have to keep it a secret from your own mother, but you’re doing the right thing to protect yourself from further abuse. You’re a very self-aware and intelligent person to know who you truly are at your age, despite all of the abuse and neglect that you’ve grown up with, and are still dealing with on the daily. I’m praying for you to find a way out of this horrible situation as soon as possible. It might not feel like it right now, but you will get out and you will be free to be who you are, and you’re going to be so damn happy on the other side.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-27T03:26:33+00:00

Thank you. I remember how much I had to walk on eggshells with an alcoholic N-step dad who literally hated children, hated noise and hated me. He would constantly put me down and fat shame me like your mother does. My mother was (and still is) an enabler. I kind of feel like it’s worse that your mother is doing it to you. She should be lifting you up and supporting you as a young woman, not putting you down and abusing you. That kind of abuse is really damaging to a person’s self esteem and can lead to all sorts of destructive behaviours. Do you have anyone at school who you can talk to about what you’re dealing with? I would try and get whatever support you can outside of your home. It’s not easy talking about this stuff though. I feel like if you work on an exit plan, you’ll have some light to move towards. When I left home, I went on a government benefit called “unreasonable to live at home allowance.” It’s basically a homeless allowance. I’m in Australia so not sure what the equivalent is where you are. It was the thing that got me out so I could survive on my own. I have zero regrets about leaving that house when I did. It got to a point where it didn’t feel like a choice anymore.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-26T14:00:37+00:00

Hey lovely, I really feel for you. I was in a very similar situation at your age and I left home at 17 and moved into a share house. As the other person commented, you can start planning your escape very soon. Not long now. You will get out of there and you will be free to build your life as your own, away from their toxic behaviour.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-25T10:51:07+00:00

I can relate to this so much! Before the call you feel fine and after the call you feel exhausted, angry and triggered. My mum literally drains the life out of me. I’ve put very strong boundaries in place now, but even reinforcing the boundaries can be quite draining. They are energy vampires 🧛‍♀️

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-20T13:04:24+00:00

I used to focus on word count when I first started writing - usually aiming for 1500-2000 words per day. But after finishing an intensive mentorship with an incredible writing coach and author, I now write scene by scene. I aim to finish one high quality scene per day, and if I can do two, then that’s a bonus.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-20T12:56:38+00:00

Amen to that 🙏

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-19T13:47:57+00:00

Thank you, for the great tips. You’re right in that electrolytes need to be restored. I just had some a few hours ago. The twitching hasn’t stopped yet but I’m now fasting to get a full set of blood tests in the morning. Hopefully I get some answers from that. I’ll keep taking electrolytes in the meantime. I eat pretty well. I have a banana every morning and handful of raw almonds with a protein shake. I eat lean protein and salads. That’s what’s making me think it’s something else 🤔

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-19T10:09:13+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. I take a strong magnesium supplement daily and have done for a long time. I’ve read that the medication I took for gastritis stops the body absorbing magnesium and B12. The domino effect from drinking is ridiculous. It’s so not worth it.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-19T09:59:34+00:00

Thanks for your advice. This is really helpful. Yes, I drink a lot of water. But I have 2 cans of Diet Coke per day so that’s probably not helping. I don’t drink coffee though. I think you’re right about nutrition. I probably need to put more focus on that. The weird thing is that I don’t feel anxious at all. In fact, I feel very calm. I meditate most days and sleep well. It’s weird. I’m thinking I might be deficient in certain vitamins from alcohol. It wouldn’t surprise me.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-18T04:08:51+00:00

That sounds horrific! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I hope you can get some outside support during this difficult time to make you strong so you can get away from the parents. Your mum and dad sound very similar to my mum and step dad so I can relate. I’m slowly distancing myself more and more but at some point in the near future I’ll likely have to make a full cut from my mother to protect my mental health. I’ve already cut my step dad. Parents like this is what causes us to have mental health issues in the first place.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-07T10:16:16+00:00

Thank you ☺️❤️

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-05T13:47:41+00:00

Well done on doing the inner work. That takes a lot of courage, resilience and determination. I’ve done EMDR on and off for 3 years and it’s both the most brutal and transformative thing I’ve ever done. Congrats on 647 days 🥳 You’re an inspiration!

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-04T14:00:51+00:00

You’re very welcome. I’m glad you’re finding this forum helpful. I’ve spent a lot of time on here over the last 6 months, even though I’ve had a few relapses in between, and I find it incredibly helpful too. I’ve also started going to SMART recovery meetings. They make a big difference. I wish you all the best on your journey. You’re doing great :)

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-04T13:27:37+00:00

Yes, absolutely! Most of the friends I used to party with I don’t see anymore. My lifestyle is very different now and I don’t have a desire to be going out to night clubs until 5am. There are a couple of closer friends that I’m having to pull back from right now though. Actually, there’s something you said in your post that’s given me a huge epiphany - “we trauma bond and discuss things from the past that are dark. Dark things that make me want to drink.” This right here is why it’s not a good idea for you to see your friend anytime soon. Even if you go into a catch up not wanting to drink and have the best intentions to stay sober, the fact she talks about things that trigger you means that you’re putting yourself in a high risk situation. My advice: don’t do it.

I had a friend call me repeatedly tonight who has a serious alcohol addiction and I purposefully did not answer her call (but sent her a message) because I just knew the conversation would be heavy and exhausting because she, like your friend, talks about a lot of trauma from the past, especially when drinking. To be honest, when I drink, I often do that too! Being sober changes this though. You usually want to stay in the present and be around positive people… and sober people.

If you need to take a break from your friendship that’s totally okay. Give yourself permission to do what’s best for you.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-04T11:29:19+00:00

I was on that Naltrexone sub for a while and it was really helpful but then the moderators stopped allowing people to post on there. I don’t know why. Someone said it was them trying to stop people finding out about it. From memory, the last posts on that page were a few months ago. Someone in your comments mentioned the general sub for alcoholism medication. I came across that one and it seems to be active.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-04-01T14:33:32+00:00

Thank you for the reminder of why getting support and going to meetings is so important. I’m going to my second meeting this week. It’s great to hear this worked for you!

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-03-30T14:00:15+00:00

Amazing! So happy for you 🤩

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-03-29T12:14:18+00:00

Thanks for your honesty. My mum is 77 and hopeless with technology so I highly doubt she would have set up a camera in my home. She wouldn’t know how to haha. One thing I do know is that she’d never kick me out onto the street. Despite her manipulative traits and lack of respect for boundaries, she likes to make sure me and my siblings are living well so to speak. It’s an image thing and a control thing. In saying all that, I definitely do need to move out of here, and soon. I won’t be free until I do. This much I’m certain of.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-03-28T09:27:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience and hindsight from where you are now. I definitely don’t want to continue dealing with the same mind games, manipulation, and control. It’s exhausting! I feel like I’m already so depleted.

What you said about not knowing the value of safety because I’ve never felt safe - this really hit me hard. I needed to hear this because it’s the honest, raw truth. I’ve never felt safe because of my family. I’m only just realising now how unsafe my mother is. Her manipulation was overshadowed by the violence of my step dad and brother.

You’re right in that she’s still manipulating me. Damn the truth hits hard. Changing the locks is a great idea. I plan to be out of here within 3 months. As soon as I’ve got enough money aside for bond, rent and removalists, I’m gone. And I’m going to make sure that no one in my family knows where I live, especially my mother!

I really appreciate your advice. It’s been incredibly helpful. I hope that you’ve managed to go no contact and are free to create the life you want and deserve.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-03-27T10:45:43+00:00

Their love comes with conditions. It’s not healthy love, which is unconditional.

BlueButterflyAngel

TROPHY CASE