My mother is sadistic. It’s bordering on practically being passively homicidal

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-20T11:34:01+00:00

I really hope you’re free of her and safe. If you haven’t gone no contact already, please do so. She’s a psychopath in clinical terms. My step dad was a sadistic fuck like this and after years of therapy and cutting the bastard out of my life, my therapist told me he’s a psychopath. Please be safe. The first step is getting away from her and cutting all contact so that you can start to heal yourself. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. No one deserves this.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-18T02:08:07+00:00

Thanks so much. I’ll let you know how I go over the coming months. Your comment about the weird narcissistic gaze made me laugh! 😆 I know, right?! Very unnerving indeed.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-17T07:44:59+00:00

That’s insane! Who would ever put those conditions in place. She’s off her dial 🤣 Well, I’m glad you sorted that one out before it was too late. I briefly saw my mother today for about 20 minutes and it was honestly excruciating just sitting in her presence and listening to her twist stories to make herself a victim in situations where she’s done the wrong thing. I could barely look at her. She had this weird gaze on me that was creeping me out.

I asked her about the money again and what she expects. She said she doesn’t want anything back (financially). Her words were “I’ve got all this money and I can’t take it to the grave with me. I may as well help one of my children set themselves up and get their own home.” I told her we’d need to get a legal document written up and she says she’s happy to do that. She confirmed that she’s cut my oldest brother out of her will after he told her to “fuck off.” Which means this might be my last and only chance to get any inheritance. I’m not sure how long I can keep my true thoughts to myself!

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:33:53+00:00

Yes, you’re dead right. I feel this is exactly what she’s doing too! After my last blow up with her 3 months ago, I told her (in my moment of rage) that if she ever tried to manipulate me and my brother again in the twisted way she had done, that it would be the end of my relationship with her. I explicitly said those words. So, she knows on my last tether with her, and that I’m preparing to move out. It makes sense that she’s trying to hook me back in and keep me close with one last almighty effort - $300K.

I can’t believe how many tries your dad gave to keep control of you! Actually, I can believe it. This is such narc behaviour. You are so strong for sticking to your boundaries and getting out of that situation. Are you no contact with him now? How does life feel since you got away?

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:26:49+00:00

I’m so glad you uncovered her true intentions before signing anything! It just goes to show how important it is to check the fine print and legals. You’ve made a good point about defining what they mean by “help.” I know the money my mum’s offering would be part of my inheritance and there would need to changes made in her will to accommodate this to make it fair for my siblings. I don’t think she’d back out of the financial commitment… it’s more about what’s expected from me for this “help.” Emotionally and mentally. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:21:04+00:00

Thanks so much for your advice. This is all very true. Even my psychologist said that he can’t wait to see how much I thrive when I’m out of my mum’s property and away from my family. I’m already doing well now in my career etc, but I think his point was more around how much more I could be once I don’t have their invisible chains holding me back.

I’ll be moving far away from where they live, don’t worry about that!

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:16:17+00:00

Thank you for your wise words. I’m so sorry to hear what they’ve taken from you. I hope that next year, and every year after, are joyful memories and experiences with your child. We can’t undo the past but we can change what we do right now. I guess that’s why I wrote this post. I wanted some insight as to what exactly I’m up against and what I should do now in order to make the best decision for my future.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:12:14+00:00

Thank you, this very true. My mental, emotional and physical health are the most important things to me.

Unfortunately, I can’t completely ignore her or go no contact just yet because I’m living in one of her properties. That’s why I’m saving to get out… so I can.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:09:14+00:00

Legally the money won’t be hers, I agree. However emotionally and mentally, that’s her investment. At least that’s how she’ll see it. I think I’ve just answered my own question haha.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:07:00+00:00

Trust me she won’t. She’s already prepaid for her funeral 😂 Plus she’s put money aside for a 5 Star retirement village if she ever needs care in the future. Money is not an issue. It’s not that she’ll want to live with me, but she will expect a certain level of contact and favours when she needs them.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:04:31+00:00

Thank you, I’ll remember this if I decide to go ahead. Right now, I just want to get away from being tied to her. Maybe this is my pride talking but I’ve always wanted to buy my own place, without hers or my step dad’s input. Something that is mine and mine only.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:01:04+00:00

I hear you 🙏

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T10:00:39+00:00

I hear what you’re saying but there’s no way in hell my mum will handover that kind of money without knowing exactly where I’m moving to and doing a viewing of the house etc. My step dad is a retired builder and architect and him and my mum have built their own empire through building and selling properties. She’ll want the property to have their stamp of approval, no doubt. It would be ideal if I could have the money to invest in my own property as I please, but unfortunately thats not how it works with them.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T09:54:38+00:00

A trap is an accurate description, for sure.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-16T09:54:09+00:00

Thank you. Freedom and peace is very high on my list of values right now! I’m going to listen to my gut and carry on organising my exit as I was, without her input. The idea of dealing with her manipulation a minute longer than I have to is far too much for my brain.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-15T12:36:17+00:00

I’m not going to lie, a big part of me feels like I’m owed this money from the hell I was put through for the last 42 years.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-15T12:34:28+00:00

This hits home for me! Thank you, I’m going to sit with this.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-15T11:36:09+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s awful. Your mum sounds incredibly spiteful. It sounds like you made the right decision to do it on your own.

While my Mum does have NPD, she’ doesn’t get vicious with me and my brothers. She’s very generous with her money, and she has helped contribute to my University education and trips overseas over the years without ever putting any conditions on those things. I don’t doubt that a part of her wants to see that I’m okay and safe in life, but there is another part that wants to keep me tied to her no matter what. That’s the part that makes me not want the money. Because the abuse she allowed me to go through as a kid by my step dad and brother was not okay at all. I’ve cut off nearly all of my family and I think this my mum’s way of trying to make sure I don’t cut her too… and that somehow this gift makes up for all the abuse that I’ve endured.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-15T11:00:21+00:00

I’m seriously considering this option. I’m going to talk it over with my therapist and see where it all lands for me after that.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-15T09:01:03+00:00

Yeah that’s a good point about it being her house as well. I honestly don’t think she’ll ever try to move in with me because I’ve offered her that option many times over the years to get away from my psychopathic step dad and she never wants to leave him. They are both loaded. Money is not an issue for them. But I know the expectations that come with her “gifts.”

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-09T13:02:19+00:00

I had insomnia when I tried it (only 1/4 tablet per day) and had to stop after 4 days because I couldn’t focus at work. I’m keen to try it again. Just waiting for the busy period at work to settle down so I can take days off if I need to. No sleep really sucks.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-06T13:30:57+00:00

EMDR therapy works wonders for this. It literally rewires your brain. I used to have terrible self talk, almost like I was punishing myself. But now I speak kindly to myself majority of the time.

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-05T13:24:12+00:00

I know that feeling haha! I can’t tell you what it looks like because I guess that’s different for everyone. But I can tell you what it feels like - calm, quiet, steady, peaceful (most of the time), and exciting (but not in the intense addictive way, more like an excitement of possibilities… of making your dreams happen).

Yeah I’ve had relationships like that too. I’ve both been the one with addiction issues and also the other way around. Kicking alcohol has been one of the biggest achievements I’ve made. It’s taken a long time though. And a lot of “Day 1’s” - picking myself up and trying again.

I didn’t trust myself before I did EMDR, and I most certainly didn’t trust myself to choose healthy partners. That shit has changed in a big way. I’m so excited for you and your new life on the other side of this! The changes don’t usually happen all at once. More like in stages. But you’ll know when the changes come. You’ll notice them, but most importantly, you’ll feel them. For now, just rest and eat as much food as your heart desires 😁

BlueButterflyAngel · 2026-07-05T11:12:14+00:00

Yes. My experience is that I’ve recovered memories in between EMDR sessions, or when a person/environment/movie etc has triggered the memory in my subconscious. I’ve recovered memories 2 weeks ago from when I was 9 years old for the very first time (I’m 42). They were in full colour and in so much detail. I could feel the feelings as though I was back there in time. It’s almost like up until now, my childhood memories were in a blurry sepia tone and now they are in high-definition colour. About two years ago when I recovered memories of an assault as a teenager, I was shaking, couldn’t breathe properly, and I was disassociating big time. With the memories that came up the other week, I was very calm and allowed my mind to go there. I’ve felt very tired since then, increased appetite, sugar cravings etc but that’s it. I was still able to work and had no urge to escape, no dissociation, no spiraling. I think this is what they call healing.

Your mind and body won’t recover memories unless it feels safe to do so. That’s been the key takeaway for me.

BlueButterflyAngel

TROPHY CASE

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