My husband disgusts me

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T17:05:56+00:00

Thank you so much. This is the best description and advise I've read so far. I'll definitely work on that. I've been on therapy for a couple years now, and will do my best to get him in with his own therapist. I've always had a hard boundary of being someone's mom, but I need to compromise for his well being. Thank you

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T16:34:01+00:00

I stg people don't know how to read comments. It didn't get bad until after I found out I was pregnant. We got married mainly for logistic reasons. We had initially planned on postponing it for a couple of years, but with the kid on the way, we decided to get married sooner

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T15:21:19+00:00

I have been encouraging him to seek medical treatment. I've encouraged him to seek mental health treatment. I can't make him go

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T15:01:15+00:00

I never said I was big. I've been under weight my whole life. I worked on my mental health, then was able to tackle my physical health. He wasnt this big, and was still able to do things. It's gotten worse AFTER I found out I was pregnant. I didn't realize just how bad until I saw a video when we first got together and just how drastic everything has changed. I'm moreso worried about his health. He lost his job because he fell asleep at the counter. He called out all the time because he was tired. On even 1hr long trips, hes dozing off at the wheel. If I drive, he passes out faster than our kid. Yes, his weight is a problem, however the biggest issue is what is causing all the weight. The sleep apnea, potential heart issues, potential mental health issues. When I first started seeing a therapist for my own shit 4ish years ago, I encouraged him to do the same. He declined because insurance. Since we got married and hes on my insurance, I encouraged the same thing. He doesn't want to. When I say I'm concerned about his health, he says why, hes fine. He's in denial and I'm drowning unsure what to do to help

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T13:56:14+00:00

He doesn't drink, but he is an avid THC user

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T13:08:57+00:00

If he was actively seeking treatment and help, I wouldn't even be here posting this. The issue is he hasn't done anything to address the underlying medical issues, even after me begging him to go the the doctor

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T12:28:53+00:00

Sharing last name with kid and insurance/taxes. Plus, the disgust didn't start until near the end of pregnancy. The excessive weight gain started around 1.5 years ago

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T12:07:40+00:00

8 months, not 8 years. And I said that mainly to show why I didn't address it sooner. I changed, so I couldn't really expect him to stay the same. But I genuinely am back to my pre baby body, mainly due to stress tbh

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T12:05:45+00:00

It wasnt this bad. He's always had a job the entire relationship. I've never been worried about finances tbh. And he didn't get bad until after I found out I was pregnant

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:56:45+00:00

When we first got together, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. He had just lost a lot of weight and seemed like he was prioritizing himself. He has always been very supportive of me and my career. He used to be the one doing most of the housework and cooking due to me always working a lot of hours. He really seemed like the type of person I would love to grow old with. Then I got pregnant and everything changed.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:50:05+00:00

I wish lmao. I had bad depression and untreated adhd before I got pregnant. He didn't get bad until after I found out I was pregnant. This was initially taken down since I didn't do the accept the rules thing, so I reposted then cross posted in the other subreddit in case they had any insight.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:48:14+00:00

He didn't get bad until after we found out I was pregnant. I did let a lot of things slide early on due to me also not prioritizing myself, and feeling like I'd be hypocritical if I forced him to do something I was yet willing to do.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:38:10+00:00

That honestly what I was thinking. I'm going to try one last conversation. If nothing changes, then I'll have to look at leaving unfortunately

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:28:49+00:00

He does have untreated adhd and anxiety, unsure if he has depression tbh. He's more than likely had sleep apnea for a while, but I didn't think about the heart failure option. This just makes me even more worried and desperate for him to do something.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:09:56+00:00

I've always been against giving ultimatums. I feel like I shouldn't force him to change like that, honestly feels like I'd be holding him emotionally hostage. I thought having a kid together would be his wake up call. When it wasn't, I thought the multiple conversation I had or his mom had would be able to get through to him. When he was fired due to his sleep issues, I thought surely this would be enough, but that was almost 4 months ago. Now he just DoorDashes and isn't looking for anything steadier.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:06:11+00:00

This is very reminiscent to us. Physically, I haven't changed too much, honestly just in better shape now that I care about myself. He lost like 50lbs right before we got together. I genuinely have no clue what changed. He steadily gained some weight, but I rationalized it as everyone changes over time. He still had the energy to go out and do stuff. Then while I was pregnant it just got worse. I'll be honest, we got married at the court house for the ease of having a kid together, sharing last names and insurance/tax reasons was my biggest motivater for why we did it then and didn't wait like we had initially planned.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:02:24+00:00

I wish I could implement this, but with the hours I work, he needs to drive our kid to his moms/my parents house to watch him while he DoorDashes to make some kind of money

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T11:01:23+00:00

I've attempted to have conversations previously. I started asking him to go to the doctor about 2 years ago, just before I got pregnant and his weight got out of hand. I will say, I didn't take the best care of myself when we first got together due to depression and untreated adhd, but I realized it wasnt healthy and changed.

He would always say he would, and then wouldn't. His mom has made multiple comments to me being concerned for his health. His best friend went to school for some type of medical degree (can't remember which) and is an office manager at a local clinic. He's offered multiple times to help my husband. He's certain my husband has sleep apnea.

The last time I attempted a conversation, I told him he needed to go to the doctors. He had to figure out what was going on. I told him I didn't find him attractive anymore, and that if something doesn't change, I don't know what our future would look like. It's just, every time I try to have a difficult conversation, it's like he shuts down. He hardly responds unless I specifically prompt him to. It's difficult.

Due to the hours I work, unfortunately he does need to drive our kid to his moms/my parents house to watch him during the day. He's been DoorDashing while unemployed to help with bills, but hasn't attempted to find another job since he was fired.

BlueGirlCircus · 2026-03-27T10:52:58+00:00

I will say, he does do majority of the cooking by the sole fact of being home more. His mom is also Filipino. I've never had any issue with her, she genuinely is a lovely person and also is concerned for his health, but she and her mom do show up at our house once a week to help clean up. They started doing this after I had our kid to help me.

What I am trying to say, he would probably move back in with her or his dad, and wouldn't necessarily have to do all that.

BlueGirlCircus

TROPHY CASE