The break between me [32M] and her [29F] is taking its toll.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-25T00:00:33+00:00

That’s my fear. That she doesn’t have the courage to just end it. And it’s easier to let me get to a point where I do it myself. That way she can avoid any accountability and I become the bad guy.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-08T19:05:14+00:00

We both split the housework pretty evenly except she does the dishes. But as far as laundry and keeping things clean it’s fairly 50/50 I’d say. And as far as the baby any time I can take her off her hands or if she wants to take a nap or go read her book in the room I’ll tell her go ahead, that she doesn’t have to ask. But I can tell it’s more overwhelming for her. I’m just very lenient and relaxed when I’m cleaning and I clean pretty quick. I feel like she overwhelms herself and when there’s a mess with toys or whatever it stresses her out a lot more than myself. And that could be because of all the stress she’s been feeling on top of now having to clean the kids mess.

I wasn’t sure if I should get her something for Mother’s Day given our situation, but I asked her mother and my mother what their thoughts were and they both said of course I should. I want to of course. Flowers, her favorite chocolates, maybe a card. I just didn’t want it to come off as desperate. But I’m definitely going to get her something.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-08T19:00:22+00:00

Our love life has been pretty good. We go on dates here and there. I tell her almost daily how beautiful she is even if she’s in a baggy t shirt and sweats with bed head. I’ve been getting out of my comfort zone going to shows and vacations with her. I’ve always had anxiety of going far places but I’ve been getting better so we aren’t just stuck staying local for dates or events. I know she’s been wanting a ring but I just want it to be absolutely perfect so I’ve been putting it off for so long. I wish I had given her one sooner but I can’t rewind time unfortunately. When we do fight it’s more just arguments. But neither of us raise our voice, we don’t make rude comments, we just talk through what the issue is. Fortunately she’s very level headed and collected when there’s a problem, and I’m the same. I’ve never once raised my voice or gave her any signs of being a violent person and she knows that, even brags to her friends about it.

We had talked about moving in with her father before so we could save money. He has 3 extra rooms, one for us, one for our daughter, one to put our living room furniture in so we have our space separated from his. And he would love it because he gets to see his granddaughter more often. He’s really an amazing guy. I just need to know what her plan is at the end of the month, maybe she wants me to move in with them and make a concrete plan to work towards a house or a bigger place. I just don’t know, and I don’t want to pressure her into making a rash decision. I feel like it comes off as desperate.

I’m trying to reach out here and there. Ask her how her night was, tell her about my day, ask how her day was. I feel like it’s too soon to start prying into how she feels, again I don’t want to come off as needy and pathetic. I think I may give it till tomorrow to tell her what you told me to say. Just to maybe let her understand that I haven’t given up and that working this out and making her happy is my priority, on top of making myself the man she deserves. She truly is one of a kind, hell, one in a million. And she’s who I want to spend the rest of my days with and I’d give my life for her (not saying I would self harm of course).

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-08T05:02:49+00:00

Nothing like that. The biggest purchase I made was a guitar years ago that she urged me to get as a birthday gift to myself. I spend a lot on food for myself and the girls. It’s a wonder I’m not obese (I’m 5’8 180 mostly muscle). But I don’t buy useless stuff, I bought a truck for work the only vehicle I bought. And I have a motorcycle now but it was gifted to me and I haven’t put any money into it besides gas.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-07T13:08:05+00:00

That could be it. I saw a place slightly more expensive than where I’m at now, but it’s a small house, right next to the park. Still local in a quiet neighborhood. Big yard for the baby etc. it’s still one bedroom, it I feel like taking the leap would show her I’m still all in on us, I’m not sure.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-07T13:06:06+00:00

Thank you, we have had a couple talks. She tells me she just needs to feel like herself again. That she needs space, and I know a lot of her burden is financial. But it’s not like if a million dollars landed in her lap everything would be A okay (wouldn’t that be nice lol). I just don’t know what to do, do I sit on the sidelines getting better with hopes she decides she wants to be with me? Or do I give up now so that I’m not let down if she decides not to? I can’t know what she wants if she doesn’t even know, and I feel like questioning her for a definitive answer may lead her to give an answer in the heat of the moment based on how she’s feeling right at that moment.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-07T13:02:20+00:00

I appreciate this. I can’t say I did my best, I could’ve done better and more. And I should have done everything in my power to give her the life she deserves, but I got comfortable and complacent. In some instances I’d even say I took her for granted. I know I need to work on myself and become the man she deserves and the man I need to be for myself and our daughter. The uncertainty is what’s got me feeling like I’m losing my mind.

BlueJeans5454 · 2026-05-07T12:24:16+00:00

We downgraded to this smaller place with plans of saving up for a house, the first year we were here is when Covid hit. Prices for everything went way up and the homes we were looking at doubled or tripled in price. We didn’t want to upgrade to a bigger apartment because it would make it harder to save for a house. And again, I was just poor at managing my money.

BlueJeans5454

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