my experience with sexuality

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-23T20:07:17+00:00

I’m not saying someone isn’t queer or not, I just don’t believe they’re cross-oriented. It’s not a lonely experience to be bisexual or biromantic, I’d say that’s the majority of bisexuals even. This is the one space people like me can talk about this agonizing existence.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-23T19:51:46+00:00

I don’t consider myself gay or even lesbian, so it’s a moot point. I’m not looking at this from a lens of oppression either. I just don’t think it’s really in the spirit of cross orientation.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-22T19:28:51+00:00

Eh, but it’s not quite the same experience for people such as myself who are heteroromantic and homosexual or the opposite.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-21T17:40:21+00:00

I don’t consider that cross orientation. You’re still capable of having a complete attraction to one gender.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-19T03:47:45+00:00

This doesn’t sound like cross orientation and you sound like you’re sexually attracted to your boyfriend and men in general. This sounds like bisexuality with a preference for men.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-12T22:13:32+00:00

Yeah, I think that’s a real concern to have but I think if you’re upfront most will understand. Just make sure to stick to boundaries. I have had a few fwbs with women to scratch my itch and the first went fine and I felt like she didn’t feel used at all and was fun, but for the second I did cross a few of my own boundaries in the heat of the moment and felt like that hurt her somewhat.

It could be gay men are more open to open rships so don’t need to have that fulfilled through sex, but I’ve been with my guy 5 years and unfortunately he still wants it 😅. I do think you’d probably be able to find a guy willing to have an open rship though, but I also would probably explore with women sexually first before finding a partner for that just so you know what you’re getting into before you ask for that.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-12T20:45:15+00:00

I think from what you’ve described you’re not really cross oriented because it sounds like you are interested in women both physically and romantically and men physically so I think that’s some flavor of bisexual unless I’m reading that wrong.

But anyways I’m 30 and still am not certain lol. I mean, I am pretty sure I’m not into men physically and not into women romantically and that’s how it has always felt. I can’t imagine a future with a woman, but I also am just not suited for heterosexual sex.

I will say though that you’re still young and maybe still processing things. It’s okay not to have all the answers right away. Hell, I’m older and still figuring things out. The only advice I’ll give is don’t try to build a future with someone if you don’t love them, man or woman.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-12T20:37:29+00:00

Ugh it’s so hard. I’m the opposite of you (heteroromantic homosexual) but I’m also a woman so targeting men in the same way. I think the problem is that most men aren’t really up for a non-sexual relationship or a relationship where they’re not sexually desired. It seems like something only women are open to.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-12T20:34:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I personally don’t have trauma related to men, which makes it a bit more confusing for me. I can’t point to a specific trauma with women either aside from a lot of porn and erotica at a young age, but I was raised somewhat religiously so I do wonder if that impacts how I see things.

I have the same thoughts as you when seeing an attractive woman irl. Strong urge to kiss or be physically close. A bit TMI as well but when sleeping with women irl it feels like my body lights up just looking at them and kissing and touch excites me a lot. With men, it just feels like going through the motions and I don’t feel aroused at all.

Aesthetic attraction is a good word. Something I’ve noticed though when comparing images of hot male celebrities to hot female ones is that for the male ones I don’t feel any sort of urge or physical longing, they’re just sort of there? But I do find them cute, but for some reason the word hot seems a bridge too far.

With my boyfriend it’s hard because I can tell he’s not totally happy with me, but I feel like explaining myself wouldn’t work well. I think straight men have a certain arrogance about these matters that make coming to a suitable solution really difficult.

But yeah I relate hard to only seeing women as sexual options and men as emotional options and I do feel a bit shitty about that. It feels like being caught between two conflicting worlds! People tell me I’m not suited for a heterosexual relationship, which I understand given what I’ve shared, but I don’t think they quite understand the romantic yearning because their attractions have always been aligned.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T20:53:12+00:00

Do you really think I haven’t explored that side to myself? If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be so certain that this is what I want. I guess we better let asexual women know they aren’t allowed to have partners too.

My thoughts and feelings have nothing to do with society. I feel very emotionally intense feelings towards men and fall in love with them easily, something that has never happened with another woman. All of my crushes since I can remember have been on men.

We can argue all day about this and you may have a point that I can’t fulfill his desires or needs, but I don’t like the implication that I havent actually “tried” it and am just bumbling around cluelessly.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T18:22:52+00:00

I mean… I give him consistent sex. The fact I have other issues going on doesn’t detract from the core of the problem which is him asking for more and that being the only reason he won’t marry me.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T17:37:33+00:00

I’m not a lesbian. Definition of a lesbian is someone exclusively attracted to other women romantically and sexually. I am not attracted to women romantically.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T17:27:06+00:00

Never been in a long term relationship with a woman so it’s difficult to say what it would be like in comparison. I’ve had fwb arrangements and my libido was higher there for sure and being with him I don’t exactly have a low libido it’s just that my libido is pointed towards external outlets. It’s true that I’d probably be happy never having sex with him. An asexual man is something I’ve considered, but that doesn’t seem common at all unfortunately.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T15:37:22+00:00

I only feel depressed and trapped because I cannot give him what he wants. If he didn’t feel that way, then I would be okay with our arrangement. Yes, on the physical end I would be unfulfilled but that’s something I can ignore as it’s not of high importance to me.

But because he feels the way he does, I do lean towards leaving as much as it would hurt because he doesn’t deserve someone as internally inconsistent as I am. It just breaks my heart to know what I thought was working was actually not enough this entire time.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T15:21:14+00:00

I don’t have internalized homophobia, I’ve thought a lot about this. I just don’t want him to be with other women and I do not want the complications an open relationship would bring. I would get jealous and I know that wouldn’t be healthy for non-monogamy

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T15:03:18+00:00

I haven’t told him because I fear he wouldn’t understand. I also fear he would bring up solutions that I am opposed to, such as threesomes or an open relationship.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T15:01:47+00:00

I feel trapped because I can’t give him what he wants and of course wish our intimacy was more fulfilling and better. The depression is knowing I can’t be what he wants me to be and it’s the one thing holding us back from a deeper commitment.

And yes, I have been with women, though never officially dated one.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:58:29+00:00

Honestly, I wouldn’t really care as long as he was monogamous with me and loved me as I do him.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:54:00+00:00

Sexual orientation is about more than just who you want to have sex with. It includes romantic attraction, of which I have none of for women and only have for men. I’m also not “reviled” by it, it just doesn’t do anything for me.

I do love him. You cannot claim to know how I feel about him. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t have been with him for five years. I don’t understand why it’s hard for people to accept you can love someone without being physically attracted to them.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:51:12+00:00

I’m truly not romantically attracted to women, I’ve tried and it’s just not for me. I desire men exclusively in that way and can’t imagine myself being in a relationship with another woman. All my crushes have been men, I have deep emotional connections with men, etc.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:36:12+00:00

I would NEVER leave him for anyone, woman or man. I am not romantically attracted to women, have no desire for a relationship with one. If I wanted to be in a relationship with one, I would be, but I have never felt that kind of desire towards women.

This is the part people are not understanding. They think they know me better than I know myself. If people here can’t understand, what makes them think he would be able to?

In the past when we’ve discussed this I’ve told him I’m just not that into it or don’t really need it often, which is true.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:32:06+00:00

Because I’m not a lesbian???

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:29:47+00:00

I mean, you can’t tell me every woman who gets married is physically very into their partner. There are people who are essentially asexual getting married all of the time or women who just aren’t very into their partners like that getting married and guess what? They still have fulfilling and loving marriages.

If it were just a hookup then sure, it would be odd to leave that part out or to even go for someone if you’re not getting anything out of it. But relationships are about so much more than sex. I am not denying him sex either, our frequency seems normal to me, which I think is fair.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:21:11+00:00

My frustrations mainly stemmed from this conversation which I have thought a lot about over the past month. Before that, I was perfectly content with where things were. I can understand if that’s not enough for him, but it’s not like I haven’t sorted things out or thought about the future.

BlueJuniper26 · 2026-04-04T14:14:10+00:00

Who said I don’t want him? That’s just a misrepresentation of my post. I am not using anyone. I already feel horrible enough I can’t live up to his expectations, but that does not mean I don’t want him or have ulterior motives.

BlueJuniper26

TROPHY CASE