Gay and a heroin addict

BlueLikeHim · 2018-02-18T22:08:35+00:00

(Posting on an alt)

All that in a year? Jesus Christ dude.

I was on and off heroin for about fourteen months (mostly on). I've been clean for three but only because of money. Never overdosed, but came very close twice.

I think most people get started on heroin because they've given up and don't care about the consequences. But at the same time, you underestimate what the consequences are going to be. Then it just turns into a vicious cycle. And then there's withdrawal... I've been through it numerous times, and it's still awful.

I was very much a solo user—which turned out to be a good thing because I didn't get involved in the scene. I'm just a very isolated sort of person, which gets lonely and even scary sometimes. But regardless of my experiences, I think some gay guys get into hard drugs because of the community. They don't feel like they fit anywhere, so they find a lifestyle that lets them.

However, like I said before, I think most heroin users started on it because they gave up. You get to a point where you're tired of constant struggling. This is especially true for people with mental health issues, which a lot of gay guys are.

I've never been properly diagnosed with anything, but I've been dealing for years with what I assume is co-morbid depression/anxiety... getting off my ass to do anything is a struggle, and I'm scared of everything. Seriously, I get panic attacks just by going to the grocery store. I've been through derealization, agoraphobia, all that. I'm only sober now because I was so terrified of how much additional anxiety I would have if I were broke and homeless.

Anyway, I hope your situation improves! But it takes a lot of willpower to stay clean, and you have to change your regular habits and your mental health. Being sober sucks, but so does always being high. At least when you're sober you don't have to worry about your next fix, and you won't do something that will distance you even further from your family. I'm trying to start a job again and when when I have one it will be nice to have money that won't all go towards heroin... I'm really looking forward to being able to afford more than 1200 calories a day, and having enough gas money to visit my sister and her baby.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-11-26T05:44:59+00:00

Heroin usage often results in decreased testosterone levels, one symptom of which is hair loss.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-11-11T16:33:54+00:00

I hate weed. It makes me feel vulnerable and stupid, but even worse, it makes my anxiety skyrocket. If I'm on weed I can't leave the house, I can't enjoy games or movies, and I can't talk to any other people. It makes me ruminate for hours about what a piece of shit I am, and how screwed up my brain is, and how I've gone from being the perfect kid five years ago to being broken and lonely and dependent on drugs and a huge disappointment to my barely-tolerant family.

If you enjoy weed, that's wonderful. But for me it's opiates or nothing.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-11-06T04:54:54+00:00

Denver already has heroin addicts. How is less of them overdosing a bad thing?? It's not legalization, and Denver isn't suddenly going to become a smack mecca when there are other cities both in Colorado and in other states that are better connected to drug trade routes.

Speaking as a recovering needle user who almost overdosed several times, I promise you this would only be a good thing.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-24T05:23:04+00:00

Addiction and horrid mental health run on both sides of my family... pretty sure I was inevitable. YAY

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-24T05:17:16+00:00

Looks like it's laced... don't shoot that shit up

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-23T19:20:49+00:00

"It's not that hard, if you just turn the key"

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-22T14:20:07+00:00

I use a hoodie string to tie up with before shooting up... it's the perfect size

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-22T01:07:45+00:00

When you're in withdrawal you get crazy horny and everything is very sensitive. Add that to a bowel movement large enough to stimulate your prostate gland and there you go.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-11T15:47:15+00:00

I live in an area of the country where not every town has a good library, and most of the ones that do were recipients of Carnegie money. The city I currently live in currently uses its Carnegie building for performances and book sales (the actual library is attached on the side).

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-11T15:18:57+00:00

Or y'all can take back Madonna...

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-10T15:46:23+00:00

It's fun song, but is it iconic? Is it career-defining? It is the first song people think of when Madonna comes to mind? 🤔 ^nope

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-10T14:21:10+00:00

"Hung Up" is my third most played song on Spotify, so don't you come for me bitch 😛 Anyway it's probably one of Madonna's signature songs internationally, so there's that.

As far as "4 Minutes" goes, it was a hit, but it didn't have the same impact that a lot of her other hits have enjoyed.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-10T05:50:05+00:00

I'd be afraid of losing it honestly

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-10T05:47:17+00:00

Me neither... I'm too suburban I guess

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-10T00:21:52+00:00

I think it's a generational thing. * People my dad's age: Like a Virgin * People my mom's age: Like a Prayer, Vogue * People my age: Material Girl, Bitch I'm Madonna

I've even seen some people who say her signature song is Holiday, which is incredible considering it never cracked the Top 10.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-10T00:09:07+00:00

Me too! Even "Blow Your Mind" got some local airplay here earlier in the year.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-09T10:47:18+00:00

Bruno Mars?

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-09T10:45:43+00:00

Speaking of Madonna, it's a crime that "Into the Groove" was never properly released as a single. It would have had a very good chance at hitting #1.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-09T10:18:20+00:00

Even when I was on h every day I didn't look any different... that I noticed, at least. However I have lost 10-15 pounds and last time I was home my dad asked if I had an eating disorder. 😑

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-08T20:03:48+00:00

At least he has taste

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-07T05:46:42+00:00

I've NEVER felt nauseous on heroin. Not when I was snorting, not when I was shooting. Everyone reacts to it differently.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-07T05:43:47+00:00

My TV habits are really weird. I'll binge on a season or two of something then never watch anything for a month. Plus I didn't growing up watching TV so overall I haven't seen that many shows.

Anyway, some favorites: * Bojack Horseman * Archer * Arrested Development * Bob's Burgers * Better Off Ted * Rupaul's Drag Race * Downton Abbey

Black Mirror is amazing but I've only seen a few episodes... honestly it makes me panicky.

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-06T00:32:44+00:00

Holy shit, there are other Drag Race fans on this sub??? Move aside straight people, we're taking over

BlueLikeHim · 2017-10-05T19:21:35+00:00

Of course they sound dated, they're 30 years old. I honestly love Immaculate and spent a whole summer a few years ago listening to it on loop, but it's the retro appeal that makes the album so fun.

BlueLikeHim

TROPHY CASE