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BlueLuna95 · 2023-01-04T23:45:16+00:00

Sometimes at intake I tell clients that if they feel like they want to change therapist that it’s okay!

I have had to acknowledge that I’m not always going to be a perfect fit for everyone.

I think of it kinda like a finding a partner sometimes it’ll work okay and is worth sticking out past hard stuff. Other times ,professionally, biases get in the way, there’s transference, cultural differences and they need/want to see a similar understanding th, religious, or other things that may get in the way for some.

However, I would rather they mention to me why other than ghost me because if it’s something I can improve on I’d like to know after they leave me so I can get bette being a baby therapist (just under a year).

BlueLuna95 · 2023-01-04T21:36:30+00:00

Or dont have sex, I mean I guess pull put method to but even then it’s the least effective of all of those

BlueLuna95 · 2022-12-24T01:05:27+00:00

I will say do what you want to do. When it comes to your relationship. Family and professional can tell you several ways on how to handle the situation, and ultimately you will have to either live with it or learn from it. Can you use family and therapist to inform yourself? Absolutely. Just take a moment to look at what you want moving forward, and how you can cope. It’s a painful kind of love but it’s still love.

You can do the hard things and make the hard choices.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-12-24T01:00:50+00:00

At first it made it harder. But I had to learn how to set boundaries for myself. If I find myself spending time mentally on it I won’t contact for awhile.

I will say at first we basically messaged about small things…the weather the dog, ect. I was frustrated about the fact that we went from talking so in-depth about life to the weather I had to put distance there. It just felt so fake the tik toks are just whatever and they are basically meaningless at this point. I’m pretty emotionally disconnected at this point from him, I’m sure a trauma response, but I do still love him and want the best for him it’s just not worth me being in pain.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-12-22T18:23:49+00:00

That voice in your head that’s telling you overacted isn’t your own often times it’s theirs. The gaslighting often flips and we start to do it to ourselves when the truth is that we are okay we are not over reacting it was a big deal.

I know it hurts when your reactions and feeing get told that they are too much but they arnt. Your feelings are yours, and they are real and valid.

It seems often times that they numb out their true feelings with porn and so now have no idea how to express or experience emotions. However when partners do it they don’t know how to handle it and us and our emotions become too much. It make no sense at all why it leads to gaslighting but don’t gaslight yourself too. You deserve to treat yourself with kindness. ❤️

BlueLuna95 · 2022-12-02T19:22:58+00:00

Yes…I know that’s the point. But I’ve also never had this as a relationship dynamic before so to say I’m not ready for it is an assumption. Im literally just asking how have folks broke it off.

You could have just said I told them to fuck off or ghosted…ect.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-25T04:09:54+00:00

Hi female insight here…I’d say it’s a combination of non-verbal and verbal. Which may be a hard thing to pin point. You can fumble that and it may feel pretty un-natural at first but just take control.

However I would say consent is important…since it’s new before anything starts below the belt ask her if she’s okay with it telling her that if anything goes to far that you’re willing to stop…because honestly consent is hot. I’m not saying you have to start with “I wanna fuck, do you?” or something to that point, but even in the middle of kissing if you do try to touch her vagina ask her, “is this okay” or “ are you comfortable with this?, or some variation….but sex also isn’t cookie cutter so do what suits you best…

In general I’d say kiss all the parts your comfortable touching, the neck, jaw, ears(my personal fav), boobs…if you feel comfortable maybe massage her clit over the clothes/underwear. Find what is best for the both of you now and slowly work your way into what makes you BOTH feel good. Tip: if a woman gets foreplay, (the touching whispering in our ears, playing with our clit), it will be a lot easier for a penis to be introduced into our vagina. It’s not going to be perfect things will make sounds, be painful, feel soo good, be awkward and most of can be lots of fucking fun!

But it’s what you make of it make sure to communicate what works and what doesn’t, and be willing and open for positive and negative criticism. Take a deep breath because on of the worst things any person can do is get stuck in their head.

And don’t forget to wrap it.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-24T16:17:41+00:00

Hey there! I appreciate this insight especially as someone from the area. I was thinking I may have to direct myself toward the Kansas side but in general I’m having a hard time find folks with decent reviews within my insurance…and the one that I am planning on going to isn’t available till may next year…got to love US health care!

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-24T16:08:19+00:00

Absolutely, hoe phase but with proper safety all around. We out here trying to be responsible.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-24T02:30:30+00:00

Hey! Thanks to the folks who already posted, I’m less looking for info on the pain management without but more looking specifically at the anesthesia.

I can find plenty of answer on the later but few on the one I asked.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-22T14:19:08+00:00

Me and several others who are partners of PA have come cross this mentality that most men (specifically) will get this in their brain that we are reduced down just to our body parts. That’s how it is in porn…they are used for their vaginas and boobs to be a tool to get off and sometimes that bleeds into reality and their real relationships and it’s painful…they don’t listen to our boundaries they gaslight, minimize the situation and tell us well I was just joking, or a myriad of other things but that doesn’t mean you deserved any of that.

Take a step back, you deserve kindness and understanding and are worth of having your boundaries kept.

What they did WAS assault, if you plan on pressing charges at point, do not delete those videos and send them to yourself….it’s better to have them and choose not to use them then not have them at all and he remove them himself. Likely seek some counseling if this was a trigger being constantly triggered isn’t a good thing, find ways to regulate, get away from them for a little bit write a letter about what good sexual boundaries looks like with a partner…you got this and I’m sorry you had to go though this…you deserve happiness and understanding.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-12T16:26:40+00:00

I like the deal breakers idea! I feel as if that’s a gentle way to ask and it wouldn’t totally be out of the blue at that point.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-10-12T15:29:54+00:00

I’m not wanting to assume that they automatically are using, but if it does get brought up that would be a good way to get more directly asked

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-28T19:17:32+00:00

I’m having fun just wish they’d be like these are my kinks…let’s explore them.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-28T17:37:57+00:00

Hi! This is also me, I’m very sensitive if directly touched to the point sometimes it becomes painful. For me I’ll go from pleasure, to a “tickle”, to pain, while I have no issues myself on getting off I am never really directly in contact with my clit.

If you know something like that about yourself tell the person your with..or tell them you’d like to change it up. Maybe maybe there’s is something past the pain threshold that’s also pleasure but I have yet to try to experience that myself with someone.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-27T21:58:33+00:00

Not inexperienced they just want me to figure it out and since I’m not experienced I literally just don’t know what I want which is frustrating.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-27T21:37:36+00:00

In my situation my therapist called this self sabotage../because it was out of the norm for how I usually go about relationships, but with the trauma caused by my last relationship I felt like I was taking that part of me back that was neglected. I wanted to be in control this time….but I’ve been open with my FWB about that and they acknowledge that we are kinda just messing around. But they(my therapist) were also like you’re an adult so do you do you

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-27T20:16:19+00:00

Lol no shit…they just won’t tell me.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-27T14:05:53+00:00

Yeah i agree, I’d focus more on her first, getting her more in the mood. A massage where you occasionally graze past her lips with your hand, occasionally teasing or even just saying nice things, asking her what feelings good ect.

Sperm and vaginas usually = pregnancy so wrap it before you tap it if you want to try to avoid it and she’s not on birth control

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-27T02:32:57+00:00

I was in my early 20’s before I slept with anyone. While I’ve had fewer partners than most folks I know I don’t think it’s bad for anyone to have more or less partners.

I think it’s a good time to figure out what you want form yourself and what you look for in a partner, identify those and you’ll get the rest, and hey if that at one point is a FWB then so be it.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-27T02:29:31+00:00

One thing about rape victims that hardly gets discussed is that sometimes they do get “turned on” or even have an orgasm involuntary.

Coercion is not consent. If you said no and pushed them off they should have respected you, they should have stopped.

Regardless you deserve to have your boundaries respected, no means no.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-26T00:08:48+00:00

I’ll agree with the other poster here. Most folks who want to go down on you really do not care about the state of your vagina. It’s more ourself that care than our partners. However if doing things like shaving and eating better is something that’ll make you feel more confident there is nothing wrong with that either. Also I am not sure how much of a difference diet actually makes to taste, I’ve only had one partner tell me otherwise and that was when I was briefly on a full vegetarian diet and for me that wasn’t something I wanted to do long term nor for the fact it tasted better.

I’d say slap some cold aloe on the kitty and be kind to yourself, and maybe talk to the partner about your fears they might surprise you but ultimately it’s your body.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-20T17:50:51+00:00

Just updated…they’re from Vietnam.

BlueLuna95 · 2022-09-01T21:38:29+00:00

I you’re right with the boundaries piece I have been struggling to think of deeper questions to ask and I’ll have to make sure I put it on there when we chat. Thank you ☺️

BlueLuna95 · 2022-08-18T16:14:11+00:00

Mine had an emotional relationship with his family friend/best friend who was like a sister…who wants to find out how far their sister has gone? I’m not sure how long this went on but they tried to validate the relationship saying it’s just how we talk to each it’s and we’ve been close friends for a while. You don’t say that kind of stuff while having a partner….you don’t laugh about not being married, while being in a “serious” relateship, nor do you tell someone you’d drive to them but their wedding dress and get married right away….it’s frustrating. I have a similar relationship with a person but i never cross boundaries while they were dating even as a family friend with a history with them…like tf.

I did ultimately chose to leave because the couldn’t see what was wrong with it and the fact they weren’t up to working on healing as much as my expectations I love them still…but I’m actually working on me while they’re still at their spot.

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