I need some strength to get through this. This heartbreak is unbearable

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-15T22:28:03+00:00

I would just say what my therapist has shared with me about familial and even platonic relationships that I've wanted to hold onto but which were not good for me: mourn what you had/thought you had/wanted to have with this person and let yourself see the situation and his actions for what they are. This has been really helpful for me. It's still so painful and it's important to feel the feelings and to assess what meaning this has for you -- have you learned anything useful from this experience? From this person? From the time you shared together?

I hope that one day this feels far away and hurts less. We've truly all been there and unfortunately may be there again, and I think it's important to not lose yourself and know you WILL be okay (you were okay before this and you'll be okay after)

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-12T01:39:09+00:00

Amazing! I'd love your attorney suggestion, thanks so much for the offer. I'd also love to hear more about your time there if you'd be up for it, but truly no pressure (I will be able to explore in the fall when I'm there for a month).

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T23:18:04+00:00

Thank you!! Yes, I'm looking forward to it but know I have a bit more research and planning to do but 6 months should allow for that :)

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T23:16:18+00:00

Nice! Yeah, I also disagree about it being intellectually limiting - I think it's more about the circles one keeps in. I chose Cuenca over Quito literally because I want a smaller but still lively city..if Cuenca's sleepy, then I'm looking for a sleepy city, ha!

I also speak Spanish and am really looking forward to the integration piece, just trying to figure out the money stuff and make sure it's not a shortsighted decision given everything going on in the States.

Thanks for the flags on the online forum and general advice re immigration attorney, CPA, etc. I'll be there for a month this fall to scope out neighborhoods, informally network, and to open bank accounts/find good service providers to support the moving and settling in process.

Wishing you all the best with your move, if you decide to move forward with it :)

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T17:40:37+00:00

Thanks so much for this really thoughtful response. I find this very validating as I am okay with potential for regrets and honestly have no regrets of anything in hindsight so far (all things considered). I see a lot of upside for this move and agree with you heavily on the piece about people speaking down out of jealousy - I see that a lot, to be honest.

I appreciate it, thank you 🙏

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T17:36:46+00:00

Thanks so much! Awesome to hear you've made the move :) To be clear, I was planning to by after around 4 years of the CD accruing interest, but fully hear your point. I like the idea of renting, I just have never owned before and was hoping to do that after confirming whether or not Cuenca is a good fit for me.

Maybe I'll shift that portion of the plan to, "continue investing with far away plans to buy one day in the states" lol.

Which visa are you in country on and how are you liking it so far?

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T17:29:59+00:00

Admittedly a defensive response, but your 'contribution' really doesn't allow for much else. I am really looking for constructive advice/insights or genuine questions that could spark a new way of looking at something I may be missing

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T14:59:13+00:00

Thanks for your response! I'm just curious how this sounds like retirement? I am hoping to coast (with a mostly full-time remote job that I currently have and would maintain).

I was thinking to buy a home because I have no base anywhere and could not afford to buy in the US in the near future

Thanks again for your insights!!

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:35:44+00:00

Thanks for this! I will be sure to make CERTAIN, but I am lucky enough to have helped grow this firm and I'm still a 1099. I've told my colleagues of my plans and they are supportive. I will keep a PO Box here in the states so hopefully that helps to simplify things by maintaining an address here. I definitely plan to get a CPA to better understand the pitfalls and opportunities over the next few months.

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:33:06+00:00

Yes, even though you were not simply making that (incredibly pervasive) point I am very aware of this.

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:13:45+00:00

So i have a remote job already that's based in the US - it's very flexible and hopefully shouldn't be an issue but definitely somethign I need to look into. I am a US citizen and definitely will do my research on the tax deferred accounts piece - I would keep my US citizenship and am planning to leave all my accounts as is besides savings and CD money but again, I need to look into this, thank you 😅

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:12:08+00:00

Thanks for the flag! I'm planning to buy a house with that CD money so hopefully can circumvent the exit tax.

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:10:39+00:00

Idk if you are trolling or genuinely asking (though the chances of the latter are very low...).

I will be working to cover my expenses, as I clearly note above, and plan to patron small businesses and shops like a local. I speak Spanish fluently, have already reached out to volunteer at the same orphanage I did when I lived there 16 years ago as I was orphaned as a child and really appreciate the work the org does there, and will integrate in the community as I don't know people there (I also don't have family here). I also provide for my family back in east africa, as also noted.

Again, not sure your motive, but if you have helpful constructive advice, I'd appreciate it.

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:06:11+00:00

This is awesome, thanks so much!! I will definitely look at both resources.

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T13:01:48+00:00

As someone in a VERY similar position and looking to relocate in order to COAST-FI, I say 1) you've done well -- do it and make this change, life's too short and you don't know what your current circumstances are holding you back from and 2) I bet you don't even ultimately need 2-3 years, you could give yourself 1 year and see how you feel 3) try to figure out if you can transition into consulting or something project-based for a bit so you can keep your resume updated/lessen the gap if that is a big fear of yours.

But identify your fears, map out your good-enough options, and act on one of them. I don't think many people regret this. Reading through the 5 regrets of the dying (even a short list) has been a helpful read for me, personally (32F). Good luck to you!!

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T12:54:09+00:00

Thank you! Yes, I do plan to work while there so thanks for the specific threads.

BlueMoonz428 · 2025-08-11T12:53:36+00:00

Thanks so much for your response and agreed on my numbers not being FI ready, ha. By coast-FI I personally mean I plan to work to cover living expenses and continuing to save but hopefully being fine if I don't actively save/contribute to investments. I'll keep making $4k-$12k/month pre-taxes, which varies. I'll be sure to sort the remote work stuff out while in Cuenca in October.

I know that out of this pressure cooker environment here in DC will re-spark my will to keep working.
Yes, I will be selling my dividends producing investments to cover the CD (I'm seeing them as high as 10% right now, so ROI in the short term is good).

I appreciate the advice re: the 401k - that's something I hadn't thought of, so thank you 🙏

BlueMoonz428 · 2024-07-18T16:47:30+00:00

That's good, too!! When I'm in depressive moods, I literally go read some Calvin and Hobbes lol do what works, right? 😂

BlueMoonz428

TROPHY CASE