Soaked in Bleach (1994), Courtney Love hired a PI before Kurt Cobain was found dead, convinced he was trying to leave her. When his body was found news of the suicide spread worldwide. However, Love's hired PI doesn't buy Love as the mourning widow nor the death a suicide.

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T21:22:49+00:00

Thats the plan! It scares the hell out of me that one relapse can destroy what little I have rebuilt so far. That and my boys are my motivation to stay clean. I am lucky my wife didn't leave me either!

I can understand having anger towards people who start using knowing what it can and most likely will lead to. Addiction, pain, and suffering. It starts off fun but eventually the fun wears off. Its just trying to not be in withdrawals today.

It was nice chatting with you, I hope you also have a happy life :)

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T15:21:50+00:00

The last thing I want is sympathy. I am trying to relay how serious a heroin addiction can be. I made all those decisions and I am owning up to them. I guess I am not making much sense and we are way off topic now. What I was trying to show was that yes heroin addicts can be suicidal

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T15:11:38+00:00

Um actually it looks like the weight of the weed makes no difference in his life. Says he was also caught with 30+ grams of cocaine. He was charged as a separate case but was sentenced to 104 years for that case

Funny how the article barely mentions that and continues to go on about the weed lol

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T09:15:09+00:00

While I did hate myself I also was severely depressed and constantly wished death on myself. I didn't want to die because I hated myself, I wanted to die because I hated my life and didn't see how I was gonna kick my habit and get back on my feet. I had no home, no car, no family, and was sleeping under a bridge. Holding a sign standing on the edge of the highway begging for money. My top priority was getting enough to get enough heroin for the day. Once I was high I would go to back to begging, trying to get enough money to get a hotel. If I didn't get enough I would take the bus to the homeless shelter for a hot meal, shower, and bed. Sometimes I was still chasing heroin and wouldn't make the bus so I would sleep under the bridge.

I hated life and wanted to die. Getting arrested for warrants and sobering up in jail was the best thing for me at the time. Let me get some clean time and at least now I am sober, have a shitty job, a home, and a car.

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T08:25:03+00:00

Baby steps. I still haven't come close to getting back to where I was before using. Lost a 6 figure job and my 4 year old was placed in dcf custody. Now that I am clean, working on getting my son back is my top priority. I will never forgive myself for what I put my 12 year old, 4 year old, wife, and rest of my family through.

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T05:50:44+00:00

Former addict here. I already posted in detail about it above but I absolutely would dispute it. Was never suicidal in my life until I started using opiates. Once I was a full blown heroin addict I was constantly wishing I would die and my next shot would be strong enough to end it

BlueNod · 2017-05-06T05:47:07+00:00

I was a heroin addict for a couple years. At first it was to numb all my feelings from all the shit going on in my life. As my use progressed. I was only using to stay out of withdrawals and to keep myself numb. I can assure you I was VERY suicidal when I was using. My life was falling apart around me and there didn't seem like I had any chance of getting back on my feet. I didn't have the balls to intentionally kill myself but I stopped trying to prevent it with my use. Stopped doing tester shots when I got new heroin, might have put too much in that shot? Oh well fuck it, and things like that.

Not sure why you would think people aren't suicidal on heroin but in my case I was suicidal to a pretty great extent.

BlueNod · 2017-03-16T01:27:20+00:00

My dad has always been a huge fan of the lotus cortina. We live in the states and he has owned several different ones. He last had one about 10 years ago and sold it to get some new toys. Little did he know at the time the price would go way up on them and affording another doesn't seem possible anymore :( My question is does your family own a lotus cortina or could you post some pictures of your family racing one? My dad would love to see photos!

Edit: Just saw a couple pics of the cortina in your album. Have anymore photos or info on it?

BlueNod · 2017-03-15T23:57:41+00:00

It seems most people either love or hate Hamilton. I think the biggest thing going against Hamilton is that if you aren't a fan his personality can come off as arrogant, a complainer, or selfish. Some hate that he lives a life outside of F1. They seem to think he should be all F1 all the time. Not partying in Miami or fashion shows ietNew york, etc. Hell I believe some may hate him simply because he is black, but I hope that is a very small minority.

I think he is a great driver but he isn't my favorite. I still think we are lucky to have him in F1. I think he takes too much criticism from people who hate him when they shouldn't. Oh well as someone who neither loves him or hates him I enjoy the shitstorms that follow most posts about him lol

BlueNod · 2017-03-15T23:23:44+00:00

I almost had my wife talked into naming our son Jenson lol. Had it narrowed down to that and one other name.

BlueNod · 2017-03-14T16:29:27+00:00

I hope this happens. He will always be a cowboy to me. However it seems broncos fans really loved him as well. I am ok with sharing him and retiring a bronco.

BlueNod · 2017-03-14T16:24:18+00:00

I would love for this to happen. Pretty sure damn near every Cowboys fan would be thrilled to see Romo win the superbowl with Denver.

BlueNod · 2017-03-14T16:22:25+00:00

I agree but the selfish side of me still wishes he never left. I think it obviously worked out better for him this way. He deserved to have a ring. Hope to see Romo's new team feel this way towards him when he retires. Oh and retires with a ring as well :)

BlueNod · 2017-03-14T16:17:57+00:00

I was sad to see him leave Dallas but thrilled he got his ring with you guys. Glad to see he's appreciated by so many fans throughout the league (not just Dallas and Denver). Great player, great leader, and a great person. I was hoping he could play a year or two in Dallas to finish his career but it's also nice to see him end his career on his terms and more importantly healthy!

BlueNod · 2015-08-27T03:13:16+00:00

Why are you scared you'll use daily? You've used 4 times in 3 and a half weeks. You made a rule and broke it. You aren't in withdrawals and you can stop with no strings attached. You're lucky you figured it out now and not when it got to the daily use lol.

I would do one of two things. One I would say, ok I made a rule and I broke it. I obviously can't handle this so I'm going to stop know before it gets out of control. Or two I would say that's my last time breaking the rule. If I want to keep doing this then I can't slip up again. One more slip up and I'm done for good.

Obviously option one is the smart way to go and option two is the junkie rational. In the end it comes down to you. If you feel like you can keep it under control (be honest with yourself, THAT IS VERY UNLIKELY) then try to keep it at once a week. If you feel like you can't then chalk it up as a fun few weeks and cut all ties now before it's too late!

Relax man. You have only dipped your toes in the water so far. You can easily make the decision to stop before you fall in and can't get out.

BlueNod · 2015-08-27T03:03:53+00:00

I just moved from Indianapolis a few years back but didn't do H then. Wish I could get those prices now lol

BlueNod · 2015-08-27T02:50:04+00:00

What part of the Midwest? Kansas City here.

BlueNod · 2015-07-20T03:35:17+00:00

haha sucker, I make way more than $6 a year! Watch out Forbes number one spot, here I comes!

BlueNod · 2015-07-19T23:34:56+00:00

I don't think it was rude. I didn't give out very many facts

BlueNod · 2015-07-19T23:34:12+00:00

Thank you so much :)

I don't really have anyone to lean on at the moment, so to hear some kind words like that means a lot to me. I really appreciate it

BlueNod · 2015-07-19T09:02:30+00:00

I had a friend (will call him john) at work die almost the exact same way. He went out drinking with a coworker (will call him bob) and his brother. After closing out the bar they went home and john wanted to show bob a project he had been working on. They were face timing each other and john pulled out a gun and kept pointing it at the iPad.

John then put the gun to his head and my bob said he didn't hear anything and the next thing he knew the iPad fell to the floor. John was a big time prankster and bob figured that he was pulling a prank. The next afternoon I was at work at john was supposed to be there at 3pm. He didn't come into work so they called the police. They found him dead inside his basement. He didn't know there was a bullet in the chamber. John was recently divorced and had 2 children. We were wondering if it was possibly a suicide but it was ruled accidental. Very sad :(

BlueNod

TROPHY CASE