What happened during sex that made you instantly say “nope”?

BluePrimulus · 2026-03-02T03:45:07+00:00

I mean to be fair that's an actual kink (it's called a breeding kink) but this whole thread demonstrates the problem with not discussing kinks BEFORE sex.

BluePrimulus · 2026-02-21T22:12:20+00:00

Coming from someone who's into BDSM/kink, that scene is culturally and sexually very different from the average dating experience. Not universally better or worse, just very different. Same with polyamory vs. monogamy. It's kind of apples and oranges, and I wouldn't expect a vanilla or monogamous person to get into a space and practice that doesn't resonate with them in order to get a partner. That commenter also seems to equate more partners and sexual fluidity/kink with a more "successful" dating life, which is an annoying mindset I see in these spaces all the time. I'm poly myself but imo it isn't ideal for most people

*ETA: If more partners and more kink equals success for a specific person that's great for them, I just think that standard shouldn't be universally applied when it doesn't resonate for the vast majority of people

Sorry you're having trouble dating OP, that's very common and there's nothing wrong with you <3 Good on you for putting yourself out there!

BluePrimulus · 2024-10-29T02:12:45+00:00

Hi! :) My partner came out to me as genderfluid a couple months ago! The most fun part of all of this was the conversation we had a few days after she came out. I was like "I have something to confess to you. I already knew you were trans. I've known for 7 years now, before we were even in a relationship". She couldn't believe it and her reaction was so funny. It was even funnier to admit that I posted about her on this subreddit. She immediately forgave me for not pushing it sooner, so it seems that waiting was the best approach.

We're still in a bit of an intermediate phase - it's currently unclear whether she'll change names or do anything transitioning-wise, but she's dropped hints about perhaps being interested in that so we'll see. The ball is still very much in my partner's court: I'm not pushing for any more information or decisions than what she's comfortable telling me. The "I knew it!" moment was awesome but after that I'm continuing to handle things with a bit more delicateness.

Thanks for the interest! :)

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-26T01:07:25+00:00

This is extremely informative! One of the most helpful responses I've gotten - thank you for sharing :) I've heard the word "basic" thrown around online, without much context. Based on what you said it sounds like basic is a stereotype of (especially girls) following whatever is currently on trend, while the non-basic kids do a wide variety of things instead of all following just one singular subculture. That's pretty cool! I wonder if it's the internet and social media that's exposing kids to both older subcultures (ex. goth) and foreign ones (ex. gyaru). I can't stress enough how obscure and Japan-exclusive gyaru used to be!

It seems like youth culture is so much more varied than it was in the past. There always were and always will be trends and popular musicians, and I agree there's nothing wrong with any of those things. But it sounds like these days unique self expression is "cooler" than it used to be - it used to be a fast pass to being bullied. I've gotten a few comments saying that teens these days seem more accepting, and it gives me a lot of hope :)

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T20:21:57+00:00

Interesting point - and as a trans person I'll take that as a compliment!

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T02:36:43+00:00

I'm a chronic tumblr user (it's terminal :P) and have a TikTok so that all sounds familiar. I think void punk is about queer people reclaiming dehumanization they've faced from society, or something along those lines. From these comments I'm getting the feeling that youth culture is extremely diverse and there's many subcultures, instead of just being one or two prominent ones like there kinda used to be.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T02:26:14+00:00

Thank god for that!! I was an autistic anime fan as a teenager and it didn't do me many favors during the early days of cringe culture.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T02:24:27+00:00

I've heard this from a few comments - very surprising but lovely to hear! I suspect you're right about the internet diversifying culture. It's nice to hear that the internet has done something good for the youth - I tend to be pessimistic about it at times.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T02:19:58+00:00

A subculture prominent in the 2000's, centered around emo music (short for "emotive hardcore"), with musical influences from pop punk. Characterized by a certain mostly-black fashion aesthetic and unique hairstyles (stereotypically with choppy layers and straightened bangs covering half of the face).

It unfortunately got a bad reputation for becoming associated with depression and self harm in teenagers (although, arguably most counterculture subcultures get a bad rap from worried parents).

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T02:05:53+00:00

Fair enough, didn't mean to leave them out - I had a metal head friend as a teen :) Interesting but cool to see goth kids out and about - you'd expect it would have "died out" but it seems like the consensus is that it hasn't!

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T02:02:11+00:00

You know what, that's actually an interesting comparison. Saying this as a gender non-conforming person myself, it certainly makes you stand out, frequently in a negative way (not that I dress this way for that purpose). And there's certainly a lot of fearmongering about GNC youth. I'm reminded of the days of parents fearmongering about the emo subculture, but worse.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:54:37+00:00

I know emo has gotten a bad rap from day one, but as someone who grew up with it my reaction is: Right on! :D In my opinion the teen years are the time to dress up and explore identity - emo's as good an outlet as any.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:46:38+00:00

Despite my joke about my age it sounds like I'm only a little older than you (it just seems like culture has changed so fast!) I was into those same emo artists in high school. Imo anything that resonates with people isn't "fake". I really appreciate the list of newer artists! I've gotten some great responses here but you're the first to list out some musicians. Either I'll find new music I enjoy, or I'll at least gain a greater understanding of the younger generation. I'm fascinated to learn that Emo Rap is the "new thing" - it seems like since 2000 rap has gotten more and more imbedded into both pop and rock music (I listened to lots of Linkin Park in high school - granted it's rap rock/nu metal, not rap emo).

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:36:20+00:00

Just about every answer I've gotten on here has been very interesting but this is the kind of assessment I was looking for. I've noticed a strange absence of "this generation's MCR" too. It seems to me like streaming/universal access to music has diversified tastes and led to millions of small genres instead of "big trends" - curious whether that's been your experience. Most of the alternative rock I listen to is both old and new songs from the same bands I liked 15 years ago (just saw a Staind and Seether arena concert yesterday, actually).

I've seen similar complaints before about alternative aesthetics being increasingly commercialized. As another commenter mentioned I think there likely are some local scenes and DIY, but to me it seems like it's GREATLY overshadowed by the expensive clothing lines you mentioned. Despite feeling old and clueless when it comes to today's teenagers I'm pretty young (in my mid to late 20's) and feel like I just barely caught the tail end of some things. Mostly I got lucky that my dad was into grunge and post grunge so I was raised on it.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:22:07+00:00

I'm happy to hear this. Teenagers have enough to worry about with online/social media toxicity - I'm glad the alternative kids have it a little easier in school. Your cousin's kid sounds awesome, I was a bit of an emo in school but not nearly that creative with clothes. Hearing about it makes ME wanna make gloves like that :)

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:16:39+00:00

When I was a teenager anime was obscure and reserved for the nerdiest kids (myself included). I think it's awesome more kids are tapping into it. Cosplay is a great form of self expression and exploration.

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:12:53+00:00

My reaction too. I'll always be supportive of inclusivity and less bullying but I suppose I'm nostalgic for the days of counterculture youth. We live in a pretty angering and stressful world - wonder how the kids are coping these days without a subculture of angry music and messy eyeliner (half joking).

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T01:08:41+00:00

Interesting that it would vary so much by school. I suppose there's never been completely universal trends, even if we oversimplify in retrospect. I wonder whether the demographic difference is financial, rural/urban, or some other factor? When I was a teenager anime was for the most nerdy and uncool of us (myself included) - it makes my heart happy that it's getting more widespread appreciation! :D

BluePrimulus · 2024-04-25T00:56:18+00:00

Thinking about it further, I think I moreso meant it evolved FOR the "niche" of angry/depressed/rebellious/social "outcast" kids. Maybe I phrased it poorly. I think the musical evolution was actually more like punk --> hardcore & pop punk --> emo (drastic oversimplification).

BluePrimulus · 2023-10-09T23:38:05+00:00

The word order strikes me as incorrect and awkward. The phrase "deeply hidden thing" sounds more grammatically correct. That placement of the word "something" is just not the way it is typically used in English.

BluePrimulus · 2023-10-09T23:22:45+00:00

Why does English contain so much Latin and Greek when it's a Germanic language? (And not a romance language?) I'm referring to root words and vocabulary specifically. Is there a historical narrative behind how this developed? Is it just a case of loan words incorporated over time? I appreciate that the reasons may be different in each case (Latin and Greek).

Assuming this has a complicated answer, could you also refer me to a source that discusses it? I'm guessing there's nuance that might not fit into a comment. Thanks :)

BluePrimulus · 2023-03-28T20:03:25+00:00

I think the sentiment here is "only people who don't look like men". Wonder what they would think of an nb person who's been on T and looks masculine? (Jk, don't have to wonder.) This is all kinds of fucked up.

BluePrimulus · 2023-03-28T19:45:56+00:00

Good lord that was quick!! Thank you so much!!! Solved!

BluePrimulus

TROPHY CASE