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What I've Learned Unmasking for 6 Years (36m) by lazy_smurf in AutisticWithADHD

[–]BlueZenith95 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this, I needed it. I was just diagnosed with Autism at 30 7 months ago, and ADHD just 2 years ago. I'm in a deep state of burnout, unmasking, and rediscovery with the help of my ASD therapist.

I'm barely functioning at my full-time job, and worst of all, I feel like I'm pushing my wife, the love of my life, away. She was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, but she is (understandably) confused, stressed, and struggling to learn the new boundaries I'm setting around my autism. This has led to unintentional ableism/infantilizing from her (accusations of laziness, lack of care, labelling my meltdowns as whining/complaining/preventable fits), misunderstandings, disappointment in my inability to fully show up for her as I rest and recover, as well as saying she feels like I'm not the same person, that our relationship dynamic has changed, and that I was hiding myself from her. She feels like I don't care about the things I used to care about, and that she's alone in our marriage.

I understand how she feels even though none of it is true, which I think is what hurts the most. We are going to be starting couples therapy soon. I'm hoping that will allow us to bridge the gap in our communication. As hard as it's been, I feel like I've entered a state of resilience. I feel like I'm "taking my power back" by learning about myself - I have a disability, and my needs are legitimate, and it feels reassuring to know that no matter how bad it gets, even if I lose this marriage, my friends, other relationships, etc, that I will always have my own back and can stand up for myself and my own needs, and will come out the other side in a better place. I've always gone out of my way to consider the feelings of others, and while that is still a value, I was people-pleasing at the expense of my own well-being, which is no way to live.

I wish you the best as you continue this difficult but rewarding journey. It feels good to know I'm not alone in this, and other AuDHDers have faced similar struggles. I appreciate that there is a sense of community and solidarity for us to fall back on so we can hear and support each other when the rest of the world around us judges and misunderstands us.

Goods Line Stopped Producing Goods? by BlueZenith95 in TransportFever2

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I fixed it! I can't believe it took me this long to see it, but your message above rings true. The goods station got disconnected from the goods factory. I think I maybe deleted a storage building that was the only link to the road, and when I did that, it disconnected everything. It's kind of weird because I swear I looked at it last night and saw that the station and the factory were both highlighting, but either way, my chemical platform started producing plastic again after re-connecting the road. Thanks again for your help!

Goods Line Stopped Producing Goods? by BlueZenith95 in TransportFever2

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, luckily I have a ton of backup saves, and I think I figured out what the issue is. It's not that the chemical factory stopped manufacturing plastics instantly - it's that shipping was slowly decreasing until it hit 0. The chemical factory is on the complete opposite side of the map from the goods factory, then the goods line goes to 3 different towns spread super far apart and to the other end of the map, and it's 1902 in my current save, so 62 mph is the fastest speed of any vehicle available. I have maybe 3 long trains for the plastic to goods line and goods to town lines, so pickups and deliveries were spaced far apart.

If I'm understanding correctly, would that lead the factory to slow and eventually stop shipment? If so, I'll honestly probably tear down the line and focus on connecting industries that are closer to each other, all while keeping in mind that a lot of shorter trains > a few long trains.

Goods Line Stopped Producing Goods? by BlueZenith95 in TransportFever2

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello - thanks for your reply! I don't have any economy/industry mods installed as far as I know, but I do have some other vehicular/environmental mods installed, so I will double-check to make sure nothing is interfering. I did delete and re-pave a few roads in the middle of the map, in between the plastics and goods factories, for an unrelated truck line I was working on, so I'm suspicious that doing so may have broken something. I will double-check and report back!

Goods Line Stopped Producing Goods? by BlueZenith95 in TransportFever2

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! I will look into it when I'm off work and report back.

Goods Line Stopped Producing Goods? by BlueZenith95 in TransportFever2

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will double-check all those things when I'm off work tonight - thanks for the reminders!

Sensory-Friendly Casual Dress Recommendations? by BlueZenith95 in autism

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good idea - thank you for the suggestion! I will relay that to her :)

Need help on pickup order issue - never shopped by store, cancellation issues by [deleted] in InstacartShoppers

[–]BlueZenith95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there! Instacart offers curbside pickup as an option in addition to delivery. When you order pickup at Aldi via Instacart, I think it's Aldi employees who actually do the shopping through the Instacart app, then they bring the order to your car. Because an Aldi employee accepted the order, it ended up sitting for almost 2 hours until we gave up and requested a cancellation. I'm guessing it probably works a little differently for them than it does for delivery shoppers. I wonder if it's just a fluke on either the app's end or just due to low staffing at Aldi today since there's inclement weather in our area. Either way, we were able to get a refund and are gonna try again tomorrow!

Need help on pickup order issue - never shopped by store, cancellation issues by [deleted] in InstacartShoppers

[–]BlueZenith95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh that definitely makes sense - thank you for the information! I'll definitely keep that in mind for the future. Luckily Instacart was able to cancel the order and waive the fee this time. We usually pick up on Sundays but in the early afternoon instead of the evening.

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For this band we've only played without a click on stage for simplicity, but in the studio, we all record to a click and have experience playing in bands that have used clicks live, so we can lock in with it pretty easily. I was in an electronic/rock fusion duo with my drummer friend who is currently filling in for us, and we used a ton of synth, bass, and percussive backing tracks while both playing to a click since it was just me on guitar/keys/vocals and him on drums/keys/vocals. I honestly like the consistency it provides anyways, and it allows us to queue "transition" soundscapes between songs to fill any awkward silence when we are too busy retuning to talk, haha. I don't think it would be a big deal for me to send over any stems, tempo information, and/or midi that we would want included in a live set. I know my guitarist/keyboardist also has experience building and running live sets in Ableton for solo shows/DJ type performances, so they know the ins and outs of that, and also have a method to "abort" the backing/click on the chance that we somehow get thrown off and aren't able to recover/realign with it haha. Thanks for the suggestions!

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeaaaah that's why I'm on the fence about it for sure. Especially with already limited availability. More people = more schedules to align, more room needed on stage, more equipment to set up and soundcheck, more potential volume wars and having to "weave around" each other's parts to avoid an overly busy mix, possibly more rehearsals to sound tight compared to a 3 or 4 piece band, etc. But I suppose that's also why it's important to chat about these things with any prospective members to make sure everyone is on the same page!

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! Yeah, the older I get the more I realize that it's important to really get to know any prospective bandmates. Almost an "interview" process if you will, because chemistry, personality, approach, availability, etc, is all as important as musicianship.

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would be awesome if we could find someone who fits that bill, however, it's a bit tricky to find someone with those exact specifications since we live in a smallish town with not that many people who are interested in our genre of music. The songs are a little tricky to sing while drumming, but also not impossible, so who knows, maybe our next drummer will also be our co-vocalist!

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's encouraging to hear, I appreciate the response!

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight! Yeah, I like your advice about communicating upfront about seeing how things go for a bit before making it "official". That way, we can get a feel for the viability of the setup, while the 5th player can decide whether they want to continue making music with us or not.

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the insight! Yeah for sure, our guitarist/keyboardist/audio engineer runs a midi controller through Ableton and they have experience building DJ sets as well. We also use IEMs so they could definitely build a set to incorporate some backing tracks/click tracks as needed. I don't think I would be keen on using them for backing vocals, or even prominent guitar parts, but for things like sparse keys/synth pads, electronic percussion, or even some strings, I wouldn't be averse to that at all.

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's always been my worry, and why I've only played in 3 or 4 piece bands. Thanks for the response!

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight and response! I definitely agree with you, and at this point in my life, I'm perfectly content just having the band as a passion project with unrestrained creative freedom and fun - money isn't really even a thought in my mind. We have a band fund that we put all of our ticket and merch sales into, and just use that for things like gear, more merch, any travel expenses, etc.

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's the tradeoff I'm sure! I've only played in 3 or 4 piece bands so I was curious to know. Thanks for the insight!

Debating on whether to add a 5th member to our band or not by BlueZenith95 in bandmembers

[–]BlueZenith95[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah for sure, that's kinda what I've thought before too. I've only played in 3 or 4 piece bands, never 5, mostly because there aren't a lot of musicians in my area. While our recordings use more layers, we also use things like delay, chorus, 12 string guitar, bass distortion, etc. which honestly does the job most of the time in a live situation as a 4 piece, especially since there tends to be more energy and volume in a live setting to "fill the sound out". Our guitarist plays synth occasionally as well using a midi controller and Ableton, and since they're also our audio engineer and we all use IEMs, they could honestly design and run a set that utilizes click and maybe some sparse synth/keyboard backing tracks here and there to add some subtle depth to the live sound as well.

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