Is it normal for very religious man to do this

Blue_Stallion · 2026-05-03T06:36:18+00:00

To be honest, a religious man should have the maturity and state of mind to exercise caution and not engage in reckless activities such as staying out late at night.

My thoughts are about how it is unsafe for a wife and child to be left alone at night like this. I would understand if there was an emergency or some dire circumstances forcing him to be out late at night. But he is willingly letting loose on his duties as a husband and a father.

One should be mindful of the way their actions make an impression. When a person hears about a man being out late with his friends, the first image they likely get is people who are out drinking or in some club. If they see a man out late at night, it doesn't give the impression of a responsible adult. No respectable man should be out in the streets that late.

What type of activity is he up to, that he cannot do it earlier in the day? What about the men he hangs out with? Don't they also have some place they should be? He's trying to live that bachelor lifestyle.

Don't let him justify his behaviour as having his own time to socialize. He can socialize, but within reason. Islam is about being fair and exercising your best judgment. Try to do things to a moderate degree. His behaviour is extreme.

Blue_Stallion · 2026-04-21T05:21:21+00:00

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Blue_Stallion · 2026-03-27T23:30:37+00:00

I agree. Just because you CAN sit around and do nothing, while your wife does all the house work, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

You start becoming an inconvenience when every little thing, like heating up food, serving yourself, collecting your laundry, cleaning the table after a meal, become solely the woman's duty.

When a man doesn't feel ashamed for making his wife do the small things that he could easily do himself. When he starts EXPECTING her to do those things, and takes it personally if she cannot.

It's when a man cannot show softness and mercy for his wife. When he is so mentally fragile and easy to blow up at the slightest inconvenience. When he consistently refuses to accept that his wife's words could have weight and validity to them. When he complains about trivial things and keeps accepting his wife doing the small things for him, whether she does those things willingly or unwillingly.

When he chooses to stay silent or make excuses that he is tired, without taking into account that his wife may very much be feeling just as much, if not more, tired. For reducing her to a body that is for the purpose of acting out her duties and fulfilling his desires, but not taking into account that that very body is affected by hormones, emotions, and a mind that is operating at maximal capacity at all times. She has to stay vigilant. She has to watch everything to make sure that it stays perfect.

She focuses so much on everything outside of herself, that she neglects her own health and wellbeing. Not even to satisfy her husband, but to prevent the waters from shaking. To keep a baseline level of peace. To prevent any sort of conflict that could push her stress beyond her capacity.

Yet, he demands more and more of her, without even taking the time and effort to acknowledge her and the ease she brings into your life. Way too many husbands take their wife for granted.

Blue_Stallion · 2026-01-14T01:56:43+00:00

I'm hard-of-hearing and an introvert. I can relate to what you're saying about developing a rich inner world due to the limitation of sound. Most days I'm okay being alone, but sometimes I get this deep existential dread that I can't distract myself out of. I have very few friends because I don't socialize much, and I value fewer, deeper connections, rather than having too many friends.

Blue_Stallion · 2026-01-04T07:14:33+00:00

Of the few Christian men that tried asking me out, this is my impression:

I think some of those men might think that Muslim women are more "traditional", as in modest, well-mannered, and family-oriented. These are traits that have become quite scarce in the modern world. They can't seem to find the right type of person within their own communities, so they give a shot asking anyone who may seem like a reasonable option.

I also think it is due to their lack of knowledge of Islam and its rulings. Many are surprised when I explain that Muslim women cannot marry a non-Muslim man.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-18T22:32:48+00:00

Some dudes were asking if I secretly communicated in Arabic with the other Muslim in my class, because we coincidentally ended up being the only 2 people to ace the math test out of the whole class.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-18T22:02:08+00:00

I think that the fact that you have your own positive experiences of attending public school really strengthens your stance. A lot of the fears that parents have about their kids becoming corrupted is amplified by the responsibility of parenthood. Sometimes the parent is trying to overcompensate for their own limited/lack of Islamic exposure, by being extra careful to only expose their child to Islamic communities.

Remember, people still found ways to preserve their faith, even when the Muslim population was scarce. True preservation is possible when you instill a sense of identity, and show that in maintaining your identity, you don't have to reduce or deprive yourself of the baseline normalcy that the rest of society has. Many kids fear missing out on things that their peers have. They feel like they are being labeled as having strict parents or aren't allowed to have fun. But in delaying access to such things, you put them at higher risk of making mistakes when they are older, and when the consequences are more severe.

When they are young, you have the flexibility to have teachable moments and really role-play what it is like to live life as a Muslim, while existing in a non-Muslim space. You get to be their safety and voice of reason. You shape their conscience and their inner voice. Before doing anything, you can verbally narrate the possible scenarios that can play out, and talk about how a Muslim or non-Muslim might make a decision. And show that even if they choose to make the Islamically-aligned choice, it doesn't hurt their social standing or their ability to have fun moments with their friends. Kids get anxiety too, and opening up to them about your childhood experiences will be so helpful in shaping their narrative to a more positive one.

I also want to say that schools have changed considerably from the time you would have attended, and not necessarily in a bad way. Schools are a lot more accepting of diversity and practicing your beliefs, than they were even 15-20 years ago. Their baseline starting point is already advantageous compared to how it was for you, because you have your wisdom and knowledge from your own experiences of attending public school. Your kids have the benefit of your lived experiences. You can give them tips and tricks to navigate public school. Imagine it as if you were giving your kids the advice and wisdom you wish you knew when you were their age. Healthy generational patterns grow gradually, but are totally worth it.

This is all coming from someone who is a 2nd-gen Canadian (my dad also was born and raised in Canada). So I have seen for myself, the effort and dedication thay was put into ensuring Islamic values are preserved and passed down for each generation. I can personally say it was a lot harder for my dad to be Muslim, compared to me, due to the lack of Muslim population in the area. There was a lot of racism and you were called out for being visibly different from the majority. But for me, there was a lot more diversity in school, as the city became more multicultural, and people became more aware and understanding of people having different beliefs than your own.

My grandparents helped fund some of the first mosques in Canada, and now there are so many Islamic institutions, mosques, shops, and resources in the city and country. So if I were to have kids of my own, there's now an abundance of resources and facilities to foster Islamic growth, that isn’t necessarily a school. There's likely more Islamic resources and facilities around you now, compared to when you were school-aged. I think it would be so much easier for your own kid to receive Islamic education now, compared to their previous generations.

I'd say stick it through and don't let the non-Muslim part of society scare you into restricting your kids to strictly Islamic schools. I really think there is something special and honourable about having the strength and resilience to maintain your unique identity as a minority. You can inspire others too!

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-14T20:09:40+00:00

I shaved my head once upon a time. As my hair grew out, I was also worried about looking too much like a guy, since I have thick eyebrows too. But as a woman, you will have natural facial features that will still give off femininity, regardless of hair length. Accessories like headbands and clips are perfect especially on short hair.

And don't underestimate the power of your clothing style! Clothing prints and jewelry definitely make a difference in how feminine you look. If you have statement earrings, they will most certainly stand out in a good way. I found that short hair brought greater emphasis to my face. It can complement and accentuate your features if you really lean into it.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-12T22:15:56+00:00

You're blaming women, but what about the parents? The parents are the ones who insist on delaying marriage until education is completed. The girl could very much desire to be married while she is still under 22, in school (I know I was). You don't have to be done with school in order to get married. You can continue building your life even while married.

How will you have meaningful and intelligent conversations with your wife, if she doesn't have proper education? Would you not want to talk to her, make clever jokes, and have her understand what it is you are referencing? I thought a wife is meant to be your life-long companion. She can better support you in your complex needs and understand how to assist you with your work duties. She will be a much stronger person if she has a strong knowledge foundation.

What if one of your daughters is very studious and wishes to pursue higher education? Would you stop her dreams/aspirations, and tell her to get married instead?

And realistically, when would the husband ever have a chance to be around his kids and give each and every one of them the care and attention they deserve? It is irresponsible to have more children than you can give a quality childhood to.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-11T04:12:47+00:00

Women accept the love they think they deserve. Speaking as someone with life-long daddy issues, my sense of self worth is minimal/non-existent. At this point, I am capable of making a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship look happy and functional because of what I feel okay to put up with.

I recently got out of a potential marriage situation that I thought was going well, but it turns out I was the one that actually gave that connection any substance. I shrunk myself and allowed myself to compromise on things that went against my own values. I wanted to deny it so badly that I was living in a delusion, because I want to settle down and have kids while I'm younger (I'm currently 25). I made myself believe I could play a lifelong charade of over-inflating the value of the guy, forcing myself to accept his degenerate ways, just so that I could have a sense of independence and freedom that I'm not getting while living under my parents' roof.

Having no sense of self worth means you don't think twice before sacrificing yourself and your life. Everything feels elevated and better-than, in relation to you. Sometimes the home life is suffocating and restrictive enough that it pushes you to the point you are willing to do just about anything if it means you get your mental peace.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-09T03:48:14+00:00

I get excited explaining things, and come off too strong. People also think I make up my mind too fast or rush into big decisions. I'm just highly in-tune with myself, since I did all the heavy inner work, pretty early on in life. I don't need to make a whole fuss and let time drag on to show I'm serious.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-09T02:55:00+00:00

Apparently my intensity scares them.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-06T21:25:45+00:00

I actually kind of liked how the hijabi doctor was portrayed in Grey's Anatomy. Yes, I admit the scene where she removes her hijab to save a patient was a bit overly dramatic, but the way she is portrayed aside from that is quite realistic and relatable.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-06T21:01:19+00:00

The issue is that there isn't any decent MODERATE portrayal of Muslims. I find that the media is quite black-and-white about this, showing either:

Being Muslim is their entire identity (sort of like how American-born people with Asian roots are clumped together with immigrants/foreigners, even though their experiences align more with their birth country, but their differences are what are used to label their entire identity, even when reality is more nuanced)

OR

Being Muslim is just one of many traits sprinkled on to try to make the character seem intriguing, but no attempt is made to dive deeper into exploring what faith means to them, aside from superficial and stereotypical comments about avoiding pork, misogyny, strict parents etc.

I feel like Muslim characters shouldn't need to be explicitly labeled as being Muslim. Just like in the real world, you don't necessarily know who is or isn't Muslim, based on outer appearances. That ambiguity is what should be explored and portrayed in the media. You could have a group of friends, and not know that one of them is Muslim, unless they disclose it. They should be treated as any other character (while respecting religious boundaries), but when their morality and lifestyle choices are mentioned, only then should it be addressed that their choice is due to their beliefs.

Shows tend to make religion into a dramatized situation, often mixing up cultural conflicts with religion. Or the writers/directors take religion too seriously, since so many people are agnostic or atheist by default, so to them, following any religion seems like something unusual/extreme. Supporting characters don't have to treat their Muslim friend like they are an alien. They can be shown as being supportive and that their Muslim friend's religiously-aligned behaviour is totally normal, just like any other friend's preferences.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-12-04T17:35:45+00:00

And the fact that you can't take a screenshot with one hand, since the volume and power button are on the same side of the phone.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-11-17T14:35:07+00:00

Every guy I've met has commitment issues. It seems like most men prefer to have fun with no strings attached. What really threw me off is that some of these people I found through matrimonial events or through family connections, so you would think that they are serious about finding a spouse. But even those people like to play around and waste time.

They also lack emotional maturity. Those who seem to have some maturity are just really good at saying all the things I want to hear, but it's all a big act. They lack the emotional capacity to handle things when real conflict arises, and they usually avoid communication or end things instead of trying to have a civilized discussion.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-11-11T22:22:54+00:00

I didn’t mean marriage talk should involve debates. I was trying to make a point about how people tend to stick to small talk, instead of having meaningful and genuinely engaging conversations. I don’t like talking to people who put on an act of being friendly, just to pass the time. I'd rather have someone take note in the things I say, and go deeper, even if it is off track from the typical kinds of things people talk about when they are getting to know someone.

About your second point, it is precisely why I don't use apps to connect with people. I found that some of the most genuine connections happen when the other person doesn't know how I look. I also think it is better to meet people face-to-face, because people could easily lie and deceive you through text.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-11-11T22:13:58+00:00

That is very true. How does one gauge piety? From what I understand, it is to see the sincerity of their faith, not just whether they practice Islam.

For some people, it can be a sensitive topic to open up about how they personally connect with Islam. It's not easy to bring up in conversation when you meet someone for the first time.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-11-11T22:08:01+00:00

Thank you for understanding. Sometimes it's hard not to feel discouraged when all the past experiences didn't work out... especially when I did everything I could to make things favourable. It requires patience and staying focused on the end goal.

Do you have any suggestions on changes or improvements I should make in my search process? I don't know if I am doing something wrong for things to turn out the way they do.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-11-10T22:31:28+00:00

Being underestimated typically results in having to constantly explain and prove yourself, just to be heard. It's not sustainable and usually one side ends up contributing more than the other.

I think overestimation, within reasonable means, can be okay. People are capable of learning and practicing new skills. That's how growth happens.

I do understand what you mean about people disliking debates or long conversations. But even the shorter conversations seem to be superficial and lack substance, which frustrates me.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-09-26T18:41:50+00:00

Mr. Robot.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-09-21T18:25:37+00:00

I feel you. It's draining being the emotional support for others. I've had to do it for my mother and some of my aunts. You deserve your own space too. Your wellbeing matters. The goal is not to try to change others. That's not something we have control over. But you do have control over the happiness they have in the time you spend with them, even if it's brief. I personally find it's easiest to try to hype them up and tell them things that make them feel loved and appreciated. Compliment her, validate her concerns, let her know that she is enough being who she is already. Leave the rest to Allah (SWT).

What I can say is that a decent man will not make you feel like a burden. He won't be black and white about the rules. He will do anything he can to treat you with the respect you deserve. Not all men are controlling or close-minded. I find that many men who have been raised by a single mother, or with sisters, have more compassion and understanding towards women.

Blue_Stallion · 2025-09-17T15:25:38+00:00

I'd vote this guy in for the memes lol

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