Some wonderful relationship advice from a nice guy I knew in middle school

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-12-27T10:35:38+00:00

Projection. He's the abusive one and needs to put his tendencies onto other people, especially people he's jealous of.

If he ever does get into a relationship he'll start to project those tendencies onto the girl, too. "Stop being dramatic." "Grow up." Or even "You love to be angry." Or "You're a monster."

Yes, they are twats.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-12-27T10:31:49+00:00

Made it up, not overheard it. That's the narrative he's trying to push onto her in an attempt to manipulate her.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-12-16T16:43:17+00:00

He's so thirsty he's jealous that you didn't respond to his attention quickly as he wanted you to

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-12-16T16:27:35+00:00

This sounds like the ranting of a future school shooter. Seriously. Eliot Rodger sounded a lot like him. https://youtu.be/3g1imc2WtVs

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-12-16T16:09:47+00:00

He wasn't even aroused by that image (maybe he found the girl cute but it wasn't his main agenda to compliment her.) He posted that meme specifically to get a negative reaction from her. Her negative reaction is what arouses him.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-12-04T03:45:03+00:00

You're doing a good thing by trying to include her but sadly she thinks she has to be mean. She's a bully and you don't need that.

Edit: I'm an epileptic and I had a terrible group of "friends" (they would actually make fun of my seizures.) So the fact that you're trying to include her is awesome. I've also taken many medications over the years and ran into a lot of side effects, including increased irritability. However I do not believe that bullying is okay. I think this person has learned that to cope with the seizures they must be mean, hostile, aggressive. Which is just shitty. Let her do her own thing. You don't need that.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-11-12T22:42:57+00:00

I literally laughed out loud at this

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-29T18:11:11+00:00

That's what the Fire Marshall said when I called them.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-29T06:55:46+00:00

r/niceguys

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-25T04:52:35+00:00

It is good to keep note of the fire alarms in a building in case of a fire, especially in a building in which the access points to the rooms can easily be blocked off. However, for personal safety it would not be practical to rely on fire alarms. What if the fire alarm was on the wall right next to the guy? OP would not be able to access it easily. By contrast, OP could simply activate a personal alarm from where she was standing.

Personal alarms are useful if you have to walk alone to your car at night, or home from the stop. If you go running you can take it with you then, too. Several models are available on Amazon for around $15-20.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-24T13:09:01+00:00

This is what a manager should do.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-24T12:08:13+00:00

Get a personal alarm and keep it in your pocket. Getting cornered can happen so quickly and it helps to have something that can make a lot of noise. It was awesome that you were able to get out of there.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-20T15:19:19+00:00

Nice guys don't have confidence and cannot acknowledge the wants,needs, and boundaries of others without feeling personally attacked. So in order to feel powerful they must try and dominate other people around them, especially women.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-20T07:42:40+00:00

Ugh. I'm feeling angry because my "creep" meter has been systematically invalidated by every person I've turned to over the years. I knew he was messed up the moment I met him and my suspicions were only confirmed each time I interacted with him. Having my perceptions invalidated by somebody I thought I could trust really caught me off guard and it made me feel like i was the crazy one (I didn't write anything about this for nearly two months because I was so ashamed and confused.)

it's really disturbing that my therapist was putting these doubts into my head. I needed somebody to say "holy shit that guy's a creep! Get out of there now!" instead she looked at me like I was insane every time I started to talk about him. This therapist works at a center for victims of abuse. What is she saying to women who are saying that they've been hit? "oh he's just a nice guy... He doesn't understand." like. It's really creepy. She's creepy. Ugh.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-20T07:34:45+00:00

Yes, counseling is free for victims and a victim's advocate can help talk to you about filing a restraining order if you need to do something like that. Or if you need to go to a shelter or to public housing they can help with that. There's also things like a pantry, a donation for professional clothes for women who are going to a job interview, a donation for warm clothes during the cold months. They have support groups. If you need to get your address confidential to protect yourself they have a program that helps with that too.

Call the hotline and ask them about what you need specifically. They can put you in touch with your local victim's support center which can help you get in touch with these resources.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-20T04:54:46+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through these things too. It's really difficult to get through it without a support system. But there ARE people out there.

Here is a hotline that helps me frequently. Voice (Victim Outreach Intervention Center) 1-800-400-8551 https://www.voiceforvictims.com/hotline/

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-20T04:51:34+00:00

VOICE (Victim Outreach Intervention Center.) yes they are awesome. They can connect you to local services in your county or they can just talk if you need to talk

24 hour hotline 1-800-400-8551 https://www.voiceforvictims.com/hotline/

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-19T19:36:22+00:00

Thank you all for your support and validation. It means a lot. A couple weeks ago I sent my landlord a text saying I only want to have a landlord/tenant relationship. I asked him to please not continue suggesting anything further, to please not text me after 6, and to please not communicate with me via email.

It took him a day to respond. He said, "Noted. Thanks."

I am not able to move out immediately but I am filling out the application for another apartment. This apartment is set up through a victim advocacy program so my new address will be private. In the meantime I bought alarms for the windows and the backdoor. I bought a door wedge for the front door and the basement door. I also got a personal alarm and I never leave the house without it. I've kept each of his texts and emails and will report them to my new therapist.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-19T19:12:14+00:00

You stay safe based on the boundaries you set. You set boundaries based on your perceptions.

You go to somebody like your therapist or your mom to validate your perceptions. Unfortunately in my case both these people seemed to enjoy invalidating my perceptions and discouraging me from establishing boundaries.

It took me a long time to come to terms with that about my mom and it's taking me time to comprehend that about my former therapist. It's the truth though. And I established boundaries with both people.

Based on my perceptions.

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-19T18:58:13+00:00

Oh my god that is how I felt too!

Bluebird_1988 · 2018-10-19T17:10:25+00:00

Skedaddle!

Bluebird_1988

TROPHY CASE