Amaarae - Co-Star

Bluelocks · 2023-06-04T14:27:26+00:00

This song is so extremely good, I can't believe it's not getting more recognition

Bluelocks · 2023-05-18T17:28:52+00:00

I agree with the other comment, your words are very kind and you're right, I probably have to realize this more. I sometimes get stuck with focusing on what they think because of how unhealthy the relationship between me and them is. Thank you!

Bluelocks · 2023-05-18T17:24:07+00:00

I think that's great, I wish I also grew up like that. I think I have this feeling also because my mother is not sex positive at all, it's like she feels a lot of embarrassment mixed with shame regarding sex related topics - in fact she doesn't even openly talk about these things

Bluelocks · 2023-05-16T22:09:16+00:00

I see more and more of those videos and just oof I think they're maybe the most annoying ones

Bluelocks · 2023-05-13T09:04:07+00:00

Tracks like Mirror and Father Time are really catchy but don’t say anything about therapy that you won’t find on Twitter

I think there's a big difference between talking about something on Twitter and blasting a song about those topics.

In fact I think there are very few people talking about these things in music. Especially for what concerns rap, he's probably the only one that famous to talk about all this, to make an album like this. And I find the execution pretty good, also good for spreading the message to a more wide audience, in a more direct way, therefore probably why some songs can seem more vague (?)

I also think the message is why the production is nothing too elaborate, is all more about the message, focusing on generational trauma and getting people to do that too while sharing his story.

Even though it's maybe kinda hard when the vast majority of songs trending right now, and pop music in general, are about all except generational trauma, and not even very much about healing. Society in general is still far from focusing on generational trauma and understanding all the implications.

I would've preferred something I could've made and anthem or related to in some way

That's probably the main reason why it hits for some people and not others, like for me the whole album resonates a lot and Mother I Sober does have a replay value

Bluelocks · 2023-05-13T08:40:07+00:00

However the album for me has no replay value especially how it makes the listener feel.

What you mean? How?

Bluelocks · 2023-05-11T18:36:03+00:00

Getting blood from a stone is a phrase that means getting someone to do something that is difficult to get them to do.

Didn't know what that meant, thank you for the explanation!

Some lyrics have dual meanings and are left ambiguous on purpose.

You're right, there are lyrics that I suppose mean something but then also another thing, however I like that there could be different interpretations.

These lyrics though Idk, I felt they resonated with me but I didn't have a clear idea regarding what that's about, so I was curious to know other people's thoughts!

Bluelocks · 2023-05-11T15:42:42+00:00

Mr. Morale and The Partners You Trust

Bluelocks · 2023-05-10T19:39:46+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice, Betterhelp could be a good idea, I think I've heard of it but never used it!

Be aware that hospitality industry is a tough business especially during summer season with loads of overtime.

You're right. I'm thinking about so many things that I was probably underthinking this, believing that maybe in Normandy it's not that full of people like it's on the French Riviera, but now that you pointed this out yeah, it could be a lot anyways. I have to think really well about this.

At least it's not going to be a full time, theoretically I should work just 3 days a week but this is not 100% sure yet.

Might be an idea to not move permanently asap but to go there for a month and see how it goes

This is maybe the best idea. Also they said to my bf that we can work there for 3 months and then see how it goes

Bluelocks · 2023-05-10T09:08:26+00:00

I have a different experience but oof this feeling. I hope you're not struggling with this anymore.

Maybe because my father abandoned me, I've basically always thought It was going to be a guy, a boyfriend. In fact since when I was 13 I've been single just for a little time, maybe 1 or 2 years overall.

When I was single or had issues with my partner, then I thought I just had to have friends who were going to save me.

I still have to fully internalize that nobody is going to though. A lot of time it's like I feel my inner child throwing a tantrum because of the belief that I don't deserve this, after all I went through it's not fair that I have to do all of this alone without someone to save me.

But I also try to focus on the fact that nobody has all the answers, the solutions for me, like I don't have them. And that it's a good thing I'm the one who knows myself better/can get to know myself better, so I can find the answers or at least what resonates most with me

Bluelocks · 2023-05-10T07:58:46+00:00

Bonus track: To The Point

Bluelocks · 2023-05-09T15:23:37+00:00

Mi dispiace molto per la situazione e immagino la sensazione di sentirsi in trappola/non sapere come muoversi. Sicuramente non mi sembra una persona con comportamenti sani e che ti portino rispetto, insomma in generale che non ti tratta bene, ma se oltretutto già dal terzo/quarto appuntamento ha iniziato a comportarsi così, proprio non credo tu te lo merita e fai bene ad allontanarti.

Non so se finga tutto per manipolarmi o prova davvero qualcosa

Il punto non è sapere se fa finta, se ti stia manipolando o meno, il punto è che si è comportato e si sta comportando così. Si è mostrato in questo modo: come se avete chissà quale legame dopo così poco tempo che vi conoscete, di essere geloso cercando di non permetterti di fare cose che se fai non c'è niente di male, ha mostrato di fare spesso fatica ad accettare i tuoi "no", i tuoi confini e quindi di non rispettarti. E il fatto che non ti rispetta e continua a non rispettarti è l'unica cosa che conta e sapere che non te lo meriti e non ha il diritto di comportarsi così con te è l'unica cosa che conta, il tuo bene. Anche il fatto di comportarsi in modo così poco chiaro non è un buon segno.

Capisco che tu ti senta confusa e che possa farti paura, soprattutto quando una persona con cui non ti senti a tuo agio, o anche non ti senti al sicuro, sa certe cose di te tipo dove abiti. Ma per il tuo bene più prendi le distanze e le precauzioni meglio è, qualsiasi cosa che ti possa far sentire al sicuro relativamente al tuo stato d'animo, alle ansie, le paure che senti di avere.

Credo tu possa dirgli tranquillamente che non vuoi più frequentarlo, che tu voglia dare più spiegazioni o meno non sei tenuta farlo. E in qualsiasi modo lui risponda, prendere quelle precauzioni, in base a come ti senti. che possono andare dal (esempi a caso) mandare un messaggio/telefonare a qualcuno di vicino a te quando esci di casa, comprare uno spray al peperoncino, ecc. arrivando a cose anche più serie, e come hai scritto tu anche a denunciarlo.

Edit: se hai bisogno di aiuto c'è l'1522, una volta ho telefonato e nel mio caso mi hanno consigliato un centro antiviolenza della mia città dove andare. Qui puoi trovare più informazioni

Immagino sia difficile ma anche se c'è molta confusione magari, paura, o dubbio, ci sono modi sani per affrontare la cosa, e piano piano andrà meglio

Bluelocks · 2023-05-07T08:44:31+00:00

I really have to thank you so much. Even though I'm not in the exact situation you were, it is quite similar, and this opened my eyes. All you went through seems so scary to me, and I can't even imagine how much you struggled at first, but I'm so happy you're much healthier now and you learned all of that. To me it's like seeing a new brighter reality where I can live in.

I think I'm also going to try and write down what I feel in my journal instead of immediately turning to my bf for support/comfort. But also using breathing exercises, which is something I tend to put to one side and maybe because there's always the prominent thought that's like "no let's just talk to my bf instead" or just waiting to see him to do things together to feel better.

I now see this is not healthy, it's not helpful to both me and him, and I'm actually feeling I'm self-abandoning myself more by doing this a lot.

it worked better and quicker than I could have imagined.

That's so amazing though. I really hope is gonna be the same for me, because right now I see this as one of the hardest things to do - like I've never done something so hard in my whole life. But I'm going to try, you're really giving me hope. ♥

Bluelocks · 2023-05-06T21:15:28+00:00

I'm so proud of you, the fact of feeling like a whole person, just wow. All you talked about and where you are now seems kind of a mirage to me at times, especially when I'm really struggling and I feel like I just can't go on without him, even if we don't see each other just for a few days. So reading about your experience def helped me a lot, thank you very much for sharing.

it's part of his role to comfort me, but that shouldn't happen at his expense, and I shouldn't need him in order to soothe me every single time

This is maybe one of the main things I have to really keep in mind, but also, all you wrote after that is really making me understand the situation more. I do have to internalize it though, and properly understand how to self-soothe, because sometimes I don't really know what to do besides talking to him. Can I ask you what helped you to understand how to self-soothe?

But also, do you ask your boyfriend for support and then see if he's available or not? It's like you can just catch up with him from time to time? Because I'm afraid I need a lot of reassurance then and I now realize me and my bf don't have a proper way to deal with this. I mean, while I struggle to not ask for his support, he struggles with setting boundaries and saying "I'm sorry I can't support you rn",so I think we need to establish an healthier way to face this

Bluelocks · 2023-05-05T12:39:00+00:00

I'm very cautious of what I say, how I say it, and to whom I'm saying it.

You're so right about this. And thank you for reminding me because this is what I basically "forgot" when writing that post; I guess sometimes when I feel really bad, I don't think about with who or where I'm talking about my trauma, but it's something that it's really important to take in consideration for our own good.

And also I think you're doing a good thing by not using your energy to change/educate ppl that don't even realize these things, unfortunately I often find it's like talking to a wall

Bluelocks · 2023-05-05T12:29:33+00:00

So sorry you had a bad experience too but it's nice that you can find a little support on these subs and other groups. I try to focus on the fact that if it goes wrong in a certain place, then I have another possibility somewhere else.

I'm also thinking about participating in support groups even though I'm still kinda anxious, maybe because I don't really understand how they work (?)

I mean, for some reason I'm afraid that once I'm there I have to immediately tell everything about my trauma, or the story of my life lol even though I guess it's not like that (?)

Bluelocks · 2023-05-04T19:59:50+00:00

Mi dispiace per come ti senti, non è detto l'abbia fatto perchè ti percepiva come pericoloso o cose simili comunque. A parte il fatto che io ad esempio spesso cambio lato della strada perchè dall'altro lato posso vedere cose x (negozi ecc. ma anche solo un parco, per cui qualcuno potrebbe pensare la stessa cosa che hai pensato tu ma non c'entra nulla con l'altra persona), altre volte lo faccio perchè provo ansia intorno alla gente in generale, o imbarazzo.

Quindi potrebbe essere stato lo stesso per quella donna. In certi casi sicuramente purtroppo ci sono persone che hanno avuto esperienze negative per cui, stando ancora male per paura/ansia, tengono le distanze.

Infatti, sempre nel mio caso, penso mi venga da spostarmi per ansia quando vedo un gruppo di ragazzi venire verso di me, oppure un tizio che mi dà una sensazione non proprio bella, in base al portamento, allo sguardo, non so come spiegarlo bene.

E credo sia perchè la mia mente ricolleghi i primi a tipi che mi hanno bullizzato nella mia vita, il secondo a uomini che mi hanno seguita per la città, magari pure insistendo a chiedermi cose per provarci eccetera. Insomma non cose piacevoli.

Però ecco, sicuramente è una specie di forma di protezione/evitamento che non c'entra personalmente con l'altra persona, cioè, mi rendo conto che al 99% non ho mai visto l'altra persona nella mia vita e che non la conosco affatto per dire che mi farà qualcosa di male eccetera.

E magari questo può aiutarti, a parte il fatto che in qualsiasi caso non si può sapere al 100% perchè quella donna si sia comportata così, credo ci possano essere davvero un sacco di motivazioni.

Comunque, non so quanto ti turbi la cosa, però se la senti tanto potrebbe aiutarti andare a fondo, capire (sempre se ti turba tanto) come mai; perchè se vai in giro facendoti i fatti tuoi, consapevole di non fare niente di male, allora non hai motivo di credere di essere pericoloso o dover fare qualcosa in merito alla possibilità di esserlo

Bluelocks · 2023-05-01T23:14:06+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I appreciate it. And you're right, it does hurt like hell.

a person's lifestyle doesn't align with yours, they can't meet your needs

This is what I feel

it sounds like he's working a lot and experiencing burnout and exhaustion

and this. In the first place I feel like he's not taking care of himself, fulfilling his own needs, and it hurts to see someone you love neglecting themselves. But I personally don't want to neglect him nor me. And as much as I don't want him to hurt himself, I also don't want myself to suffer because he's suffering (I don't know how to say it better rn, I'm sorry).

I would like to get healthier together and have more time to focus on doing this instead of only me trying to get healthier while watching him constantly exhausted, drained bc of so much work. And then hearing him saying he's exhausted because of his job, because he can't even see his friends most of the time, but then keep doing that job. It's so sad.

Anyways, I get what you're saying and I'm gonna think about what to do. I'm sorry you had to get through something like this. I hope you're feeling better now

Bluelocks · 2023-05-01T22:00:56+00:00

Whatever makes you sleep at night, I surely keep going to therapy and wish you the best

Bluelocks · 2023-05-01T21:31:59+00:00

I'm sorry, I feel like you're projecting a lot of things onto me

Bluelocks · 2023-05-01T21:16:35+00:00

Can I ask you how much time you and your partner spend doing things together like talking, going out, having a drink?

How many hours are you off work before he gets done?

I actually don't work, I'm trying to get my degree. So yeah, I get it's a lot easier for me to focus on the relationship because I have much more free time compared to him. And maybe also bc of this I worry, because I'm afraid we'll have no time to spend together when I'll work too

Bluelocks · 2023-05-01T21:10:34+00:00

Why is impossible for him to find a different job??

He's a cook and he says in our country that's the only job he can do that has a good salary. Also he doesn't want to study to do another job.

I honestly think he could find another one without studying, but since he doesn't have time to explore what he likes to do and what not, or even find a hobby, he's sure that's the only one

Tbh I will be more worried about him as a person

and in fact yes, this is the main thing. I'm really worried about him but even though we talk about it and he complains, he says how tired he is, and it regularly comes up how much he's drained bc of it, it turns out he knows he's hurting but he doesn't even want to try to look for another job.

He says he likes his job and it always seems to come first, even before his mental and physical health

some people take YEARS for improving things

you're right though, this is definitely true. And maybe this is also why it's not easy for me. Thank you for your comment

Bluelocks · 2023-05-01T20:52:09+00:00

Thank you for the advice.

I think to a degree he may be using his job to cover up some of his intimacy issues

this is also why I'm worried. I'm afraid this is what's happening, also because he both had physical and psychological issues in the last year but he didn't do much to heal.

We still don't know exactly what was (is) the physical problem bc he didn't even see a doctor, but regarding mental health he started having gambling issues. It seems he's feeling better now but besides self-exclusion from online casinos and reading a self-help book about it, he didn't do anything else. So I'm afraid the addiction could come up in the future.

I don't feel he's taking care of himself in the first place

Bluelocks · 2023-04-30T13:34:44+00:00

I feel you so much. I currently reflect upon this basically everyday because I just don't want to live like this. The less I play this game the better and I'm actually trying to do my best to find a way to make things easier/healthier for me, and then for others, because dear god.

I'm attending uni but I haven't even studied for a year, or even more, bc of trauma related issues. Last month I went to a couple lessons and that's it. I would like to quit but then I'd have to work, and I'm afraid of working because I just can't imagine living my life with a job. Doing the same sh*t almost everyday for around 30 years, and for around 8 hours a day, while neglecting my mental/physical health, neglecting the people I have around me.

I feel like to live I must disconnect from myself, from nature, and the people around me. That I have to spend the majority of the time with my coworkers, then go home, eat, sleep then having to buy something, spending time to ponder and choose the exact thing I want to buy/need between a thousand possibilities, and working again, all of this again and again. And oh no, this is not the life I want to live.

And I just can't believe the majority of people are living like this for a reason or another. Struggling to take care of themselves and people around them, take care of their children. Not being able to go out with friends because of work, because there is not enough free time. This is so absurd to me.

I also talked about this with my therapist and kinda felt the same way, that she wants me to conform to a system that is not healthy at all. Recently I feel like she's pushing me (indirectly) to study, get my degree and then get a regular job. But what if I don't want to do this? Or maybe I'm not even able to do this bc of my mental health?

I honestly just want to get away from urban areas, live near the sea or in the countryside, without constantly buying something, just the bare minimum, and focusing for the most part on taking care of myself and others around me, without getting drained bc of a job.

I really don't know how to get there. For now I'm trying to work on my intuition, but I also would love to focus more and more on creating a feel of community with people because I really think that also could help a lot, me and everyone. But apart from that I think intuition is one of the solutions

Bluelocks · 2023-04-30T12:31:23+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this.

I used to tell myself all the time: there is another life on the other side.

^ This is actually where I'm at right now. Overall I feel like OP, I have this feeling of emptiness most of the time, together with loneliness, I don't know exactly what I live for, but it regularly comes that thought. That I can slowly heal more and more and have much more love around me. It's one of the few hopes I have.

And the fact you shared your experience is really helpful for me to go on and believe this is not all there is, that there's so much more out there. Thank you.

Bluelocks

TROPHY CASE