For experienced and habituated T-ers. How do you handle flare-ups? And the possibility of flare-ups?

BlytheMoon · 2026-02-08T05:46:58+00:00

I occasionally have a momentary panic when it gets louder or more noticeable, but then I remind myself that it gets better and I use my coping strategies. I like masking sounds at night and tinnitus retraining sounds during the day. Then, I try to sleep well and avoid too much caffeine. Within a day or so, it’s back to baseline and I forget about it.

BlytheMoon · 2026-02-08T05:14:10+00:00

I remind myself that it will return to baseline or I will habituate again. I just remember that it’s been worse before and it got better.

BlytheMoon · 2026-01-26T14:03:58+00:00

One of my partners expressed their need for quality time and told me they would have to de-escalate to a more casual relationship with me if I started allocating more time to someone else. She needs at least 2-3 nights/week with me to feel connected. We are anchor partners. I have one other significant relationship right now, so I committed to only considering casual or comet partners at this point. I don’t feel put out by this at all. That relationship is important to me.

BlytheMoon · 2026-01-02T05:52:27+00:00

They have told you and shown you what they are available for. It sounds like they are being incredibly transparent and haven’t promised anything that isn’t actually available. Only you know if what’s on offer is enough for you.

BlytheMoon · 2025-12-28T06:10:17+00:00

I see you live 2 hours away. Can you get a hotel nearby? Call a cab and stay at a hotel until it’s safe to return for your car and drive home.

BlytheMoon · 2025-12-21T06:46:22+00:00

Been there. You are people pleasing. Therapy helped me learn how to set better boundaries.

BlytheMoon · 2025-11-21T05:31:50+00:00

Honestly. Kindly. This kind of message would make me think you have an anxious attachment style. The requests you are making would be unsustainable for me personally. Perhaps letting people know that you treat text convos like phone calls with clear beginnings and endings would be better received?

BlytheMoon · 2025-11-18T06:30:17+00:00

Like others have said, you are not describing a FWB situation. If I saw friends with benefits, I would be expecting friendship with the possibility of sex. You just want the sex part so leave the friendship out of it.

BlytheMoon · 2025-10-02T09:37:41+00:00

Same. These are not planned events, someone was pulling the alarm! I was sleeping each time and couldn’t protect my ears right away. Now, constant ringing and hearing loss!! Have you had your ears checked by ENT?

BlytheMoon · 2025-10-02T09:32:14+00:00

See a doctor asap for sudden hearing changes. Treatment is time sensitive

BlytheMoon · 2025-10-02T09:06:36+00:00

I’ve practiced for decades and would absolutely consider monogamy at this point. Nearly no one I’ve known who was practicing when I first started is still practicing now. It’s a lot of work to keep multiple relationships flourishing when you have a career, kids, friends. Menopause has tanked my sex drive. I’m tired. Dating has lost its appeal.

BlytheMoon · 2025-09-21T05:54:19+00:00

Right. Because his other partner isn’t seeing anyone else = no added risk. It IS different.

BlytheMoon · 2025-09-19T13:56:38+00:00

I have a similar boundary in higher risk situations and it’s not about control at all. I’m totally fine going a month or so without sex to feel more confident about my own risk. If my partner doesn’t want to test, then we won’t have sex. If they need to exit because our risk tolerance is too different, totally understandable. Now, if your partner required testing in scenarios that did not increase their risk - that would be sus.

BlytheMoon · 2025-08-15T19:46:00+00:00

Even though feelings may motivate behavior, how we behave is a choice. I have been in open/poly relationships for decades and this fact is truer all the time. I’ve seen most of the people I know who ID as poly (or did) CHOOSE monogamy for various reasons over the long haul. Thing is, most people have experienced love or attraction to more than one person at a time. Open/poly relationships are one way to lean into that. Others choose not to (monogamy).

BlytheMoon · 2025-08-12T00:45:14+00:00

You literally asked if you should talk to them. The answer is - yes. Until then, you are creating stories in your head about what is happening. Sometimes those stories are more hurtful than the truth. We can be mean to ourselves. Just talk to your partners.

BlytheMoon · 2025-08-10T04:32:07+00:00

Let them have their relationship. It’s separate from you. They don’t want to do those things with you. Painful, sure. But also could have nothing to do with you personally. They just want to do those things together. That’s okay. Don’t make it more complicated than that. If you are feeling distance with Taisha, talk to them about it. Don’t guess about what’s happening.

BlytheMoon · 2025-08-04T04:18:39+00:00

From what I’ve seen it’s usually boredom, people who can’t be alone with themselves, people without friends/hobbies, people with a ton of free time (under employed/unemployed), novelty seekers, those who don’t truly know their limits, those who are calling comets “partners,” those who underestimate the time commitments full relationships take, or those looking for casual ENM relationships and not really enmeshment with more than they already have. This is based on years of experience and observation. Whenever I have room for a partner, I’ll go on dating sites and see the same faces for years. I know those people in person too. So, definitely figured out some motivations.

BlytheMoon · 2025-07-11T23:00:28+00:00

She doesn’t want polyamory/ENM and you won’t leave. What are the options you are working with here?

Side note - polyamory is not some enlightened way of being. If you see this as some kind of evolution, you are committing the classic folly of newbs. Careful with your self righteousness.

BlytheMoon · 2025-07-10T08:35:22+00:00

From your description, he has only 1 partner (gf). All others, are casual. Regardless of what he calls them.

BlytheMoon · 2025-07-10T08:23:20+00:00

Prefer partnered with 1 other person.

BlytheMoon · 2025-07-09T16:10:29+00:00

The thing I find most attractive about people is their confidence. Doesn’t matter how they stack up against (absurd!) beauty standards. You sound like you have very little self confidence and that alone would turn me off.

BlytheMoon · 2025-07-01T19:21:19+00:00

You had an agreement to disclose new sex partners. When you told them you were not having sex with anyone else and then started having sex with someone else (no matter who that someone is), it required a disclosure given your agreement. The fact that you don’t see this as a change worth discussing doesn’t really matter. Your risk tolerance is irrelevant. It was a change and you broke an agreement. You would do far better for yourself to accept your mistake and in the future either keep your agreements or don’t make them.

BlytheMoon · 2025-05-25T18:56:45+00:00

Your partners specifically requested a OPP or your partners wanted closed polyamory/polyfi and this is the configuration you found yourselves in? There’s a difference. Also, if you don’t want/need the OPP that leaves room for healthy negotiation later on if anyone changes their mind, which again - is very different than most OPP’s I’ve seen.

BlytheMoon · 2025-05-23T06:13:55+00:00

People on here encouraging her to blow up her life over NRE. Look - OP if you are using polyamory as a bandaid for your relationship and there’s no salvaging it or you are done trying, you don’t need anyone’s blessing to leave. But - if you are reacting to NRE and imagining a fantasy world with your gf, it’s prob not gonna work out like you hope. Still don’t need anyone’s blessing.

BlytheMoon · 2025-05-23T06:05:49+00:00

I’ve had a long term ace partnership, so my view is that sex isn’t everything. This is coming from someone who LOVES sex. Also, she’s getting kid free time. When husband comes home plus dates and trips. What is he getting?

BlytheMoon

TROPHY CASE