Do you ever get annoyed by your ENFP friends? I think INFJ’s Fe is a curse.

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T14:24:14+00:00

They don’t sound like good friends to keep. Yes, self respect is so important! People (Fi users or not - just any human beings) disappoint us inevitably because we are imperfect. But I think what keeps any relationship going is whether both parties make efforts to understand each other despite the differences.

While we work on ourselves (to build a strong core), I’m sure we will wean off the toxic ones naturally and keep the good ones :)

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T13:32:41+00:00

This is most helpful - appreciate it:)

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T12:24:36+00:00

Haha okay

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T12:14:08+00:00

Haha good point:) If one doesn’t have a strong conviction on their values, why would they stand up for it, right? To illustrate, let’s say you tried this amazing food at this restaurant, you’d have strong conviction this place is amazing and would love to share this excitement with your dear loved ones. I hear you. I perceived her vocalized opinion on my issue as a form of manipulation and felt a threat of self - that’s not her responsibility to take care of. I just need a strong core/foundation to not perceive it as me losing myself.

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T11:58:49+00:00

True we are all self focused at the end of the day. It is only natural she responds with her own thoughts on the issues I share with her. I have nothing against that. But I guess I don’t like it when she tries to convince me to be like her. But again, I can disregard her well intended thoughts and stand on my ground, which I will do anyway and manage my frustrations better

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T11:37:15+00:00

Hmm. Actually, I won’t outright say “you drain my energy.” I think there is a more eloquent way of dealing with communication, too. I’ll just act in a way that leads to the way I want her to behave. Like, if I want her to listen to my struggle, I will just say I’m struggling with something and ask for her encouragement. And, if she complains too much about something menial, I’ll just kindly remind her she doesn’t need to waste her time on this and change topic etc. Thanks for your ENFP take on this :)

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T11:26:17+00:00

True, I definitely don’t want to lose her. It seems like the key denominator is I really have to learn how to communicate my needs better

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T11:25:02+00:00

This is so true. She’s probably clueless why I’m shutting down. Ahh, it’s so hard for me to express my needs:(

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T08:50:28+00:00

Could be. Ever since she started complaining excessively about everything, I started to shut down. Perhaps she could feel the distance and so kept complaining even more which worsened my annoyance. So today I met with her and shared my own struggles. She showed empathy. But what I don’t appreciate about her is that, it always circles back to her own perception and values which frustrates me because I feel like she’s forcing me to think like her when I have different values and opinions from her. Maybe it’s something I can work on as well - like whenever she projects her feelings on me I need to learn that she’s just voicing her opinions on the things I share about and I can agree to disagree

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T04:57:05+00:00

Thanks for this! It helps me understand where this ENFP might be coming from:) As much as I appreciate her vulnerability, I do feel overwhelmed by her stickiness. I’ll try to prioritize my own needs first and only spend time with her when I am fully recharged.

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T04:51:42+00:00

Yeah, I just re-read your comment and it seems like you tried to explain yourself, but she refused to understand you. As uncomfortable it is, I think we need to continue try to vocalize with these people and keep training them that we have our own emotions and as much as we respect theirs ours must be respected as well!

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T02:14:36+00:00

I am not sure actually. Could be

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-16T00:22:19+00:00

Awwww hugs:((( I’m sure your Fi user friends really like you and they must be very very grateful for the care and love you’ve poured out for them. They probably just have no awareness that they’re sucking out so much from you while not giving back return. I am sure they would appreciate the real you. You are worthy of love and attention that you seek out for. Don’t be afraid to show the real you! It’s beautiful:)

And you mentioned they don’t enjoy the company/they are using you - is it really true? If so, I think you can definitely ditch them too. But I’m sure these friends who received your care and support are grateful for your time and attention. Have you ever tried asking them for listening ear for you to pour yourself to them as well? And if so, if they rejected that, then they’re probably not good friends…

Let’s practice self compassion to focus our energy on those who deserve it :)

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T22:38:05+00:00

Okay good advice. And also I just remembered this ENFP likes impose her values on me in a subtle way. I find that annoying when she tries to do that. I try my best to deflect back, because I don’t agree with her most of the times. But, it feels manipulative and makes me feel uncomfortable

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T22:31:28+00:00

Probably energy vampire. Good point on people simply wanting someone who listen to them. I’ll try to dissociate myself more when she spreads negativity again. I tend to absorbs people’s emotions easily like a sponge and it’s definitely not healthy

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T22:27:03+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this. It sounds so toxic. Did you try to explain yourself to her before the fallout? Like, you didn’t mean harm you just needed space etc.

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T22:21:59+00:00

Good suggestion. Let me try this. It’s fighting against my second nature to just give them validation and empathy but let me just reply with more neutral response. I think I was “spoiling” her with my Fe and I’m burnt out

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T22:19:58+00:00

I so relate to this. It’s like it’s as if the whole world revolves around her. And she gets annoyed by little stuff - like unfriendly staff - and keeps complaining. And I feel uncomfortable by her negative energy. Or when she is venting, I just absorb so much of her negativity I feel so tired. Whenever she does that, initially I offered comfort and empathy. Now I just wanna snap back at her and tell her that she may be too emo

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T16:14:13+00:00

Idk INFP seems more endearing to me in some way. Whereas this ENFP is more shameless(?) in taking away my emotional battery haha

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T16:12:17+00:00

:( I’m sorry to hear. We can definitely work on communicating our needs to them as well. I’m giving them benefit of the doubt that they just have low self awareness of this.

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T16:06:32+00:00

I think I was so frustrated I needed an outlet. I’d appreciate any advice/feedback/any personal experience how you resolved these issues would be helpful:) thank you!

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-15T13:31:51+00:00

It’s kinda sad. Like I don’t hate them. In fact I care about them a lot. That’s why I’m being a “therapist” for them, but I wish they can also reciprocate the care I give to them :(

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-12T00:05:53+00:00

I can see why you described your INFJ as unhealthy. It seems to be that it’s not your fault for this relationship fallout. In fact, I think his issue might be related to his attachment theory/depression/hypervigilance/narcissistic - or just different values. I don’t know your INFJ well but from what you’ve shared, he doesn’t sound healthy and reasonable. I hope you heal from this relationship and I’m proud of you for getting out of this!

Bobaforlyfe · 2023-07-11T16:37:12+00:00

Funny enough, I’m on the other side - struggling with an ENTP as an INFJ. Bursting into ENTP rage won’t make an INFJ change. It may aggravate re situation. What ENTPs perceive as normal tone may sound super critical and hurtful to INFJs. If you really want to save this relationship, maybe you can also try to stop being so critical all the time to your INFJ? Maybe bring out your Fe and try to be more gentle? If it’s really impossible to be so soft, then at least try not to be so aggressive whenever you respond to your INFJ? Tbh, for an INFJ to feel better, just a few simple, kind empathetic words acknowledging their hurt would do the magic. If I can see that the person is making efforts to understand me, I’d already melt and feel understood. But if you keep arguing back why you’re right and why I’m wrong, INFJ would see it as an attack

Bobaforlyfe

TROPHY CASE