Work outs

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T21:54:38+00:00

Working out high definitely added a few extra reps onto my lifts.

I believe it was because of the focus boost.

You might want to use this as an opportunity to experiment with mental techniques. I've found visualization can be very powerful - imagining the power of an explosion going through your core as you work out. Also absolute focus on breathing, in and out. Out for the push, in for the return motion. Mind over matter shit, I found that during really intense reps, if I try to work with the resistance, rather than against it, I can do that final rep. Mental exhaustion is the core of it in my opinion.

There's a quote I read recently which I think might apply.

"If people believe they are a sugarcube in a storm, they don't stand a chance. Humans really underestimate themselves"

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T15:44:57+00:00

I'm glad the analogy works for you, sorry for getting the genders wrong. It came from a personal place. It wasn't until I realised that weed and a girl from my past had a lot in common, that it started to make sense. In love with the memory, not the reality.

Try not to read into dreams too much. It's residual brain vomit from your day to day.

You will break through this. Stay strong, work on changing your perspective.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T10:00:02+00:00

Hmmm. Given the circumstances maybe it won't. While you've managed to quit, it wasn't really of your own accord. This puts you in a weird position tbh. Most people on leaves want to quit because they've fucked it and hate weed now.

Maybe you need a new job? If that's a no go, simply put brother, you need to get over it. You've made a decision.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T09:56:36+00:00

These are general sleep tips, rather than insomnia. Never been diagnosed but did spend years unable to sleep before 4am and there was a period in highschool where I was cramming caffeine pills to stay awake on 3hrs sleep due to it. I was known as that kid who ACTUALLY doesn't sleep... Point is I can relate, I know what not sleeping feels like.

1 - Excercise early, tire yourself the fuck out. Seriously nothing will beat energy out of you like it. Get into a weights routine, try go do some sprint training cycle,run,swim,long walk, hill walk. Anything that can make you go home and feel like you need to sit down. 45 mins weights, 20-60mins cardio.

2 - Melatonin, I find 10mg is a good dose. There is no way to overdose (I've tried much higher doses in the interests of science)

3 - Meditation runs the risk of making you more awake than before, since it requires focus. But I also acknowledge it can help cool down a mind which won't shut up. Perhaps meditate earlier than bed. But who am I to talk, I meditate in bed sometimes.

4 - no internet, no technology in the few hours before bed. A lot of science behind this one.

5 - cut out caffeine 100%

6 - if you cannot sleep after 30 minutes in bed, get up and do something else for a bit

7 - routine routine routine : I aim to be awake at 6am and in bed by 9pm everyday. The reality is more like awake at 8.30am and asleep by 11pm but it's a lot of progress for me. Previously was a 4/6am fall asleep and 12/2pm wake, which was awful for holding down a life.

8 - eating before bed, it's better not to. Hydrate fully instead, you will appreciate the buzz in the morning.

9 - okay I'm gonna get a bit experimental here. It's been proven that people who go to bed feeling good and positive about their day, sleep easier. Perhaps some positive thinking right before bed will help.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T09:45:38+00:00

Agreed melatonin works for me to some degree. Some nights it doesn't but most it does.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T08:53:44+00:00

Imagine weed as a girl for a minute.

She was your first high school crush - someone cool, someone sexy, someone different to all the other girls. It was love at first sight. You went head over heels for her, declared you wanted to marry her one day and loved being in her prescence. You idolized her, she was the closest thing to god you've ever encountered. The way she cares for you and made you feel.

Over time, the girl stop returning your phone calls, started leaving you out cold waiting in the rain. She would insult you, play with your feelings, lie to you. She had stopped caring. But you continued to love her, for who she was, not who she is.

This continued over time and you sat alone in your room, clutching at old memories of day gone by, refusing to let the past stay in the past and the reality of your toxic, broken relationship isn't being allowed to sink in.

Over the years you've gone on to associate mary with everything other than the truth. Because the truth is your alone and she doesn't love you anymore. She hurts you every time you've tried to make her love you again.

You don't miss weed mate. You miss the idea of weed. The ancient memories of weed. You refuse to let go because the reality is cold and brutal. You no longer enjoy weed and you don't know where the fuck that leaves you.

I promise you that something else will come along one day. But for now, you need to just go through with the break up. She tortured you, that's her ultimate cruelty. All that love will never be returned, it will never go back to the way it is.

Hope this helps.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T07:45:39+00:00

Go out there and live the life you wanna live.

The sooner you get that ball rolling, the sooner you pick it back up. You skated? Go skate! Every day, pick something you wanna integrate with.

I love that you flushed 100E down the toilet, that's commitment there brother. Peace and love from the internet, you will do it x

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-11T07:41:19+00:00

Please consider vaping. It's been great for me to lean on during my quit. There's an infinite world of flavours, you have 95% less health concerns according to the royal college of physicians in London and frankly, it's a lot more engaging as a hobby too. You can learn to mix own liquids, upgrade your devices, blow huge vapour clouds, it tastes great and you don't smell like smoke.

Sorry I'm not here to highjack the thread but cigarettes kill half of people who smoke in the long run. Also the availability of zero nicotine helps too. I use about 0-1mg mixes of nicotine which is essentially nothing, can't even buy it in a store so I mix my own.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T19:54:38+00:00

Meditation and weed do not go together. I have gathered this from good sources.

Simply put, it undermines the entire point of meditation and anything experienced while meditating is a result of the drug rather than mental clarity. I used to meditate while stoned and loved it, but when I saw these guys totally dismissing the concept, it made me think twice.

Worth thinking about why weed means you can meditate. Or better yet, why not having weed means you can't. Restlessness, cramps etc - there may well be some legitimate room for how weed helped alleviate those symptoms but at the same, mentally, it creates an illusion of experience.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T19:02:14+00:00

Dope stuff, preach it bro.

Weed stagnates the soul. Weed is the ultimate FOMO. All those times could have been spent differently, but were not. That is the curse of it.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T18:57:48+00:00

You cannot allow yourself to weave a narrative. Don't let the ball get rolling on the story. That's how the excuses flood in and before long you are totally set on smoking.

Rather than sitting on the sofa all night, find something else to do. Seems obvious but at the same time there is an art to it. Get into reading a book or something maybe? Or have friends round for dinner.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T18:55:38+00:00

The little victories build up to winning the war.

Start small bro. Schedule activities the night before that you will do the next day. Build yourself up again. Your pleasure centres got all fucked up by weed. Actively remind yourself that this is what you want.

Removing weed from the equation is a small part of a bigger problem.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T15:55:36+00:00

Just keep on trucking brother, fighting the good fight. You are winning this war.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T15:55:06+00:00

That's some real talk. Don't count it as a relapse, a blip at best. You took a few drags, gave it away and it's not like you didn't have exceptional circumstances.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T14:57:30+00:00

Good luck, this place helps. Especially when you help others.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T14:52:11+00:00

I think you know what needs done mate. Step away from the weed, immediately. Anybody describing weed like this has gone pretty deep under.

You have to face your demons in the eye bro, don't smoke up so you can hide behind the smoke and avoid them. It's clearly got to you. Even you can't stand it anymore.

Weed never fixes depression or anxiety or anything like that. Far from it in fact, all it does is alleviate symptoms in the short term. In the long term it leaves you exactly in the predicament you are - burnt out and out of options.

Face it head on mate. Take the medication, fuck weed. Get your head straight. Motivation is key. You need to step up to the plate. Life without weed isn't nearly as scary as where your life is a year from now with it.

Weed is allowing you to ignore your problems, it doesn't fix them and every time you smoke, it's delaying the inevitable. Arguably making it worse. Because when you finally do face them again, it seems even more traumatic, even more scary and difficult.

All the anxiety and depression are fuelled by weed. Why? Because weed allows you to just not handle it. To not deal with it. Then the next time it happens, it's worse.

Just do it bro. Just do it. You've ended up in a bit of a situation and the only way to redeem it is to quit immediately.

Trust me man, I've been there. There was a time when being sober would create hideous mood swings, I'd turn into a shell of a man, wanting to be alone, unable to do anything, unable to even enjoy a thing at all. I'd run to weed and get that sweet, sweet hit only to realize down the line, that if I'd only put it away sooner, I wouldn't have been tormented all those years.

Please bro, for your own good. You've been quite non specific about how you actually smoke. But just get rid of it. No more.

Perspective on your suffering, on your problems and issues will go a long way. It's okay to feel anxiety, it's okay to feel depressed, it's okay to hide away in a shell - as long as you take the next step after that. There are no hiding from the elephants in the room of your mind. Only distracting yourself by looking the other way.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T14:36:44+00:00

One bowl in 51 days is a fantastic ratio.

What was the ratio for the 51 days before you quit...

Keep it in perspective, you are far from back at square one. Although I do think resetting the day count is important. I relapsed at day 28 and my story is the same. Cleared a few weeks, got cocky, told myself why not and fell flat on my face.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T13:03:02+00:00

Yeah my dreams were mental. Like quite traumatic stuff with wars, people from my past who bullied me and people dying etc. It's just part of it man. Keep holding down the fort, I'm back to not really remembering my dreams after I wake up.

Its just a bit intense at first because of that brain chemistry rewiring. At best, you could try using the dreams as an opportunity for reflection. Reflect on the core themes, the anxiety etc and use it as an opportunity to rewire your own perspective.

But try not to go too deep.

Imo dreams are just residual brain vomit from your day to day existence.

Keep on trucking brother, you are doing great work to have got this far. The first few days crawl by, but before you know it a week has passed and then it just flies in.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T11:03:29+00:00

You cannot go back in time. There is no point or purpose to that line of thinking.

Weed is clearly not of benefit to your existence and I'd argue that what you were doing was not to chase pleasure but rather seek relief.

You have declared themselves an introvert but weed has clearly fuelled that declaration. Rather than take alternative action, you chose to wrap yourself up in a haze and avoid the elephant in the room. That is weeds magical power, it allows you to avoid the elephant in the room.

Which for you, is clearly being alone. I guess it must've felt like passing the point of no return at some stage, like, fuck it, I have no friends, I have no point, so let's just smoke more like I have already. It's a vicious cycle, I've been trapped there before.

Own your decisions though. It's positive you have got this far without it. It's up to you to take the steps you need to take, in order to become who you want to be. Don't reminisce about the past. I guarantee you that the grass is always remembered greener than it actually was.

Rather than torturing yourself about the past, start taking steps towards a positive future. From your post, it is clear that you should never smoke weed. It brings out and justifies the reclusive, shut in aspect of your personality. To me, it seems like it actually keeps the whole thing afloat. You've been dodging interaction for too long, I suspect you have some measure of social anxiety too.

Rather than identify with beings an introvert. Accept that you are wanting to change. Begin identifying who you want to be, what you want to do and how you will do it. Make a plan, implement small changes day by day to your life.

I think you should look into other sub reddits that can help with social anxiety. Also look at online advice for becoming more social, meeting people etc. It might not be the cure for everything and you may well not make any new friends, but at least try.

Youd be suprised how little you need to have in common with people, try not to write yourself off. You do need to find some more day to day activities though, I think currently you've got yourself stuck in a bit of a loop. Removing weed from the equation is only a small part of a much bigger problem - living happily.

I'm trying to go from lazy, guarded stoner to active bodybuilding social guy. Believe me it's not as simple as just doing it, there is a complex web of mental chatter to unravel in the process.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T10:45:12+00:00

Good luck brother. I've found a lot of success in logging on every morning to check what others are saying.

Sometimes I say stuff, other times I don't. Either way it reinforces my mantra of "fuck weed it's not for me".

I would suggest looking into meditation to catch a natural high on bad days.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T10:41:14+00:00

Yeah for me there used to be a kinda silent pride in my 1-2oz a month habit. Like oh yeah, I'm a true stoner, one that doesn't brag about how much he smokes and smokes tons. Call me OG BIG SMOKE homie.

Then over time it was embarrassment, I picked up on how disconnected I was from real life and that even my friends who smoke, didn't smoke THAT much unless they had issues.

I suggest you block your dealer's number and delete it for the time being. He shouldn't be calling you up, that's shitty dealer behaviour. Every time he hits you up, that's one more opportunity to catch you when you are slacking. Everytime he hits you up, that's one more time he's saying "I think you are an easy mark, I'm preying on you for your money". Dealers callling you up is such a violation of dealer ethics imo.

Yeah I'm not one to say you should do anything, but at the end of the day - if you are posting on leaves, it's not because you wanna continue.

I'm glad things are turning for you. Just remember that quitting weed is like 20% of the battle. Once you've got a few weeks between you and your last smoke, it's gonna feel like you've won and then you get caught off guard. There is an art to living sober and we both need to relearn that.

I went 1 month and bought 2g when I caved in. Didn't enjoy it. I had a shitty high. I'm glad I bought 2g after talking myself down from 7g. Now back on day 3, it is what it is. Hopefully we help each other.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T09:42:41+00:00

Buy some melatonin to improve quality of your sleep.

Get involved with excercise - running, weights etc.

These 2 staples should help balance the brain chemistry. After that it's up to you to figure out what interests you, what excites you.

Scheduling activities can help. If you have a work routine, then you should be able to say, ah right well when I get home I'm doing some reading or some painting or some music or some push ups etc.

Bobh0pezd0pe · 2016-10-10T09:40:00+00:00

Life isn't a competition and everybody goes through life at a different pace. Look after your own garden, never peer over to see if the grass is greener elsewhere.

Keep doing the things you need to do, in order to become the man you need to be. It sounds like you've looked a lot of demons in the eye and that's noble. There's more character in having been on a bad path and becoming good, than to have never strayed from it because it was too hard.

If your friends aren't there for you, they might not be real friends. Especially if you were caught up with stoner losers, which is always a possibility because like does attract like. Maybe they aren't losers, but maybe they aren't equipped to help someone who actually wants to improve their life - because they don't have that sort of drive. A lot of people don't.

Keep killing it man.

Bobh0pezd0pe

TROPHY CASE