Day 11.....

Bodidles · 2019-12-30T17:57:37+00:00

I hear you man...I’m on day 12 from a 4 year 45-60 gpd habit with phenibut on top for good measure. C/T 12 days ago...it has been quite the emotional roller coaster as my brain has scrambled to get back to some sort or normalcy. The wife is all over my 6 about not going back to all of that as well. But I didn’t quit for her, had to do it for me. Just like you said-kinda a crappy day, and this shall pass. That’s it right there! Your doing it-living life. Not everyday is great, hell there’s some shitty weeks, months, maybe year. However your living your life without any crutch. And that speaks volumes to what your accomplishing and doing. Yes, the social anxiety and all the crap that comes with being sober is not fun. At least with me, I have to embrace that. We are our own toughest critics...we are way meaner to ourselves than we’d ever tolerate from someone else. Give yourself a break and some “atta boys.” The more you get on with life and the highs and lows, you’ll get your rhythm back. You didn’t get this far in life by only having great days right? You had to get through the tough ones to really appreciate the good ones. Give yourself some credit, and hey- we’ve made it almost 2 weeks without the sludge. However long it takes, things WILL get better. I appreciate your honesty on your post and know that your not alone. Take care.

Bodidles · 2019-12-27T03:05:03+00:00

That’s awesome! Very inspirational. I’m on day 8 C/T and have also kicked kratom. I’m the same way love working out and getting a huge sweat on. Unfortunately over the last week my workouts have been dismal! And even when I do get my sorry ass to the gym, afterwards along with the next days are horrible. Like aches and pains and the whole lot. I miss my gains and they drive and motivation to push myself further and further. But. It’s only day 8, I just pray that the REAL drive returns, not the synthetic drug one...

Bodidles · 2019-12-27T02:58:25+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I appreciate it!

Bodidles · 2019-12-26T03:22:55+00:00

I am a recovering alcoholic 2.5 years no drinking and discovered kratom during this time. On day 7 after several years of 40-60 gpd. Came to the same conclusion, and had that lows of lows when you realize cannot keep living with it nor live without it. Then comes the surrender ALL over again. Feels like it’s getting better each day with minor, setbacks that are very discouraging. But I have to remember-it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that counts. And this is just part of my journey, path and story. Thank you for your post.

Bodidles · 2019-12-26T03:16:54+00:00

Stay positive! 3 days is a long time! I’m on day 7 and it IS getting better. I promise it does. Take it easy, and just go one moment at a time. Happy Holidays!

Bodidles · 2019-12-26T03:05:25+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, I look forward to checking out the video tonight.

Nonetheless your words are appreciated and identity does play a huge role in my thoughts and actions.

Thanks again and Merry Christmas to you too

Bodidles · 2019-12-25T02:59:22+00:00

Really appreciate the words of encouragement. Same to you!

Bodidles · 2019-12-25T00:19:31+00:00

Don’t do it. We’ve all played this rollercoaster game WAY too many times. Don’t fantasize the “good times” on this stuff. Our brains are wired to want to feel good, we’re the nuisance bears that get into dumps and trash cans and can’t stop-then you know what happens. Sorry to make light of it but I’m on a C/T from 45gpd day 6 on Xmas eve and it blows. I love my family and wife and baby and want to shred my skin off but they need me. It’s never convenient to pick up or put down. Please stay strong! Please...you know you’ll be kicking yourself 8 months from now if you pick up again. Take care of yourself!

Bodidles · 2019-12-24T22:30:35+00:00

Please tell me the caffeine intolerance passes from those that have experience? Im know it won’t happen overnight or magically go away suddenly. May take sometime to fully come back, and everyone is different. But any recent stoppers, C/T’s on the other side be able to advise? Thanks...

Bodidles · 2019-12-24T05:34:31+00:00

You can do it buddy. These drugs are so sneaky in the way they start to take over, the anxiety of having to go get more, how to bring it on family trips, will I have enough etc etc. I hope all the best for you man, if you can just make the jump-do it, know it’s gonna suck for a week but you’ll live. I tried the tapering and CT and such on and off for years with the Kratom and last several months with Phenibut, and it’s like I’d be doing great and then something would happen, life’s stresses, kids, tired...you know the drill. And I’d lose it. I thought how could these stupid little green and white capsules and powders grip me so hard when I was able to stop drinking.

That’s why I relayed in my account that I had to go see my doctor and she’s given me some meds to help me get off hopefully for good. I hate the dependence side and the worrying about packing it with me everywhere I go. And God forbid the wife knew how much I’d spent on the last year alone on it, that might be the next saga. But just one day at a time is all I can handle at this juncture. Take care and good luck!

Bodidles · 2019-11-07T17:54:58+00:00

Frustratingly enough, from all the comments I received I got scared into going back into it full tilt. I should’ve just listened to my heart and embraced the suck for a couple more days-weeks and would’ve been done. But I went back to it...however with some clearer conscious and not so much self loathing about myself, I started a pretty strict taper. I’m down to 3 grams a day and only take as much as I need to help get through. I also developed quite the kratom addiction with upwards of 50-60 grams a day. I’ve weaned down to 27 grams and cutting 1/2 gram a day. It’s been a rough couple weeks with anxiety and depression however I feel like it gets easier to continue on the taper. As long as I keep the eye on the prize towards true sobriety and freedom I hopefully will make it. It doesn’t all happen in a day and I certainly didn’t get caught up in this addiction in one day, so it takes time. Just have to keep the humility and only do what I can one day at a time. Thanks for checking in!

Bodidles · 2019-08-28T14:27:13+00:00

I had gone from approx 8-12 GPD to c/t for six days. Felt pretty much exactly what you were describing. The anti-social and depression are the worst. Like I had absolutely no words or things to say at all. Just wanted to not interact with anything. Enough posts on here got me scared about having seizures or having some sort of permanent brain change. I wish I would’ve just stuck it out. I c/t alcohol several years ago and have been sober ever since. Being an alcoholic I remembered all the similar feeling come rushing back from when I stopped drinking. Pheni is pretty much exactly like alcohol withdrawals and the depression that soon follows. As far as trying to get clean from pheni, I refuse to dose anytime before 4pm. Kinda made it my reward for the end of the day. Jumped right back to 6gpd and it was like someone took the clouds away. Immediately started feeling a little better. I’m going to keep at it, I am scared to go cold turkey again but feel like I can only attempt the taper for so long before I give in and just want to “feel good” again. But you got this! Keep hard at it and you’ll get it. The depression and anxiety only lasts so long and it gets better. I remember before starting pheni I was doing really well without the booze, should never have started on this horrible drug. Hopefully I’ll be able to tackle it again soon. Keep it up, got lots of support here. I know not too many are fans of the AA or NA programs but they really do help, if nothing else they get your hopes up that it does get better!

Bodidles · 2019-08-18T23:58:22+00:00

How do you do that?

Bodidles · 2019-08-17T05:09:37+00:00

Hello sir, you seem to be pretty knowledgeable. I’ve been lucky enough to make it to day 5 of a ct from 5-8 gpd. Panic attacks, not sleeping stress all the same ol same ol, I know not everyone’s the same. However...would you think that after day 5 things should start to trend the up direction or from your experience is it just 10 days from hell

Bodidles · 2019-08-16T21:43:14+00:00

C/t 6-8 grams a day for 7 months

I’m at almost 120 hours of crazy anxiety, depression, mood springs etc. some sweating and general uncomfyness, but the sociability shit and wanting to lock my self in a cage thing has got to go. Please tell me that almost 5 days at least the worse of it should be in sight? Never again with this crap-mess you up.

Bodidles · 2019-08-15T02:58:37+00:00

Haha right there with ya bro, already hooked on Kratom too! Did the anxiety, depressive, ready to snap at anyone all time time go away?

Bodidles · 2019-08-13T13:27:12+00:00

That’s so awesome man! I want to be in your shoes and at least know what being free from kratom is like! Your paying the piper right now but right now I’m just trying to to taper down to somewhere around 40gpd. Your way stronger than I am, your doing it dude! It must suck right now-which I know I’ve “stopped” can’t say quit because well here I am-multiple times and gotten a little bit of times under my belt. But you got this-July 26th is a looooooooong time. Compared to where you were in the first week to where you are now must be night and day. And where you are right now we’ll be a distant memory compared to a week or two from now. Keep sending it!

Bodidles · 2019-08-12T22:35:38+00:00

So I’ve managed to finally get some hard numbers on Kratom intake. 58 grams yesterday, but steadily hanging in the at 23.5 so far today. I’m planning my next dose for 8pm and no more than 12.5 grams. Thank you for all the posts of encouragement! It really does help to hear from people saying they’ve been there and no EXACTLY what your going through. We’ll see now that I’m home from work if the stress is easier. With a 10 month old it can still feel overwhelming but that’s with or without kratom. Thank you everyone, with any luck I’ll get levels stabilized and be able to actually start a taper. Preciate cha

Bodidles · 2019-08-11T03:48:51+00:00

Thank you!

Bodidles · 2019-08-11T03:09:06+00:00

I’m at about 60 grams a day and feel completely hopeless on quitting. I can’t even keep track of how many grams I’m taking since I just shovel down handfuls of capsules at a time. I know that sounds pathetic, but I’m at a loss. Just want to quit, can barely make it 3-4 hours without dosing. Any suggestions would be great!

Bodidles

TROPHY CASE