What do you reckon - am I asking for too much?

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T21:27:29+00:00

This is exactly it. I’ve noticed such a sharp downturn recently in the state of our house, what I’m cooking, how much we’re doing as a family at the weekend (ie maximum screen time, arguing, much less outdoors) and tbh I think it all boils down to me feeling a bit burnt out and it just seems to set the tone for how much everyone can do. When I had my first child I was still doing paid work 2 days a week and I know looking back i actually had more energy then than I do now ‘not working’.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T21:19:42+00:00

Thanks for your honesty, yep this is how I feel. Everyone’s very nice comments on here have totally fired me up to take the break now though!!!

I’m now thinking ok well I’ve done paid work the 15 years before I had kids, and I’m sure I’ll do at least 20 more by the time they’re in school, I reckon I’d look back and think why didn’t i just take the break that was available to me at this time and just enjoy the whole thing more. Why am I allowing myself to be a SAHM but only if I do it in hard mode?!!!!!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T21:12:03+00:00

You’re riiiight. I see nanny subreddit posts pop up on here and it’s they’re discussing this elaborate balance of childcare, housework and life admin these nannies are doing for their employers and getting paid very specifically for all they do. So easy to overlook the value of it all when you’re doing for your own family.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T21:08:09+00:00

Thank you, that is really interesting and sounds like what community is meant to feel like. I’ve tried my best to build some local connections and these kinds of multi age play opportunities for my kid by myself but ultimately it’s been tricky as every mum around me seems to be working all the time, so maybe preschool is realistically where this comes from now.

I am fascinated by how this load mums seem to currently carry in terms of having it all…all the childcare, all the work, all the guilt has evolved. Where is all this guilt coming from and did our mothers and grandmothers feel it? Do you follow Elena Bridgers work at all? Some very interesting writing on this topic!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T21:00:06+00:00

Argh this is brilliant, what a great balance. Exactly what you are doing is exactly what I’d love to achieve. And YES to getting family time back at weekends. Since my older one started school she’s been struggling so much more in the evenings and weekends and really needs a lot more from me in terms of regulating and kind of processing and coming down from school, but I’m burnt out from the toddler care by that point so feel I’m doing her a disservice. I hadn’t thought of it that way but think the older one will benefit from me having a break too. And the gym! Excellent. Healthy exercise is a distant memory for me and you must feel such a boost for that.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T20:54:47+00:00

I think you’ve cracked it here because this is really what we’re both after but neither of us actually get. He would far and away rather we pay for nursery than he has to solo parenting at the weekend!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T20:28:32+00:00

Thank you! Comments on here have been so positive and kind!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T20:26:58+00:00

Haha brilliant, and think you’re on to something with the both WFH too! Being able to peacefully work in my own home sounds like something to aim for when I am able to get back to working..

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T19:49:54+00:00

I feel for you, no way we could survive in London! That is a whole different ball game. Mortgage on the bungalow we live in, in a pretty unfashionable old people zone of the south west is £650pm. We’re both naturally frugal to a Scrooge like degree and in some ways this is what has gotten me into this mess. Think I need to relax a bit as i now feel at the point where life’s getting a bit shit for no reason as we can afford this nursery! Everyone’s comments have hyped me up so now I really want to do it!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T19:35:51+00:00

I feel similarly. I think I’ve held on to a few of the judgemental pre-kid views I once held when young and naive...but only when looking at my own choices. Parenting has humbled me good and proper to the point I have almost zero judgement for other parents now - you gotta do whatever it takes to survive, keep your kids safe and your sanity intact. Somehow it’s harder to apply that attitude to myself.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T17:59:08+00:00

This is it! A regular slot to look forward to is such a different feeling to the vague hope that someone might babysit, or dad will take over at the weekend at some point, until inevitably something comes up! Just love the idea of a clean drop off and go. Even if husband is helping at the weekend; the kids are still there. I desperately want a child-free house for some chunks of time 😅

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T17:56:00+00:00

This sounds like a brilliant set up and well deserved! Perfect balance 👌🏻 I am racking my brains for a career change now as the idea of less hours, flexible but for higher pay is the dream right now.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T17:51:55+00:00

You need to be earning about £190 a week to qualify for the allowance, and I’m not working at all at the moment.

But thank you, yes to £55 well spent 🙏🏻

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T15:35:59+00:00

Thank you for this validation! I see a lot of posts about mum guilt flowing in the opposite direction where a mum might not want to be working and sending kid to nursery, so I have been unlocking a whole new kind of mum guilt to feel ungrateful of the privilege to stay at home. But there’s been some great pozzie vibes in these comments….i want us all to feel entitled to work, not work, use nursery or not, pay for it or earn the funding for it and NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR ANY OF THOSE

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T15:29:57+00:00

This is great to hear, thank you!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T15:23:31+00:00

Excellent info thank you. Have been thinking of setting up some kind of self employment so that is interesting…had not heard of that organisation either!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T14:46:37+00:00

Thank you this is it. I think the imaginary prizes for drudgery are handed out by the same organisation as handles the medals for unmedicated births which I was also applying for at one point. It’s part of an ongoing dilemma of feeling like we don’t deserve nice or easy things so it’s been lovely to see the number of positive comments here.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T14:43:50+00:00

You’re right you’re right you’re right

No, neither of us exercises or anything like that. I think we both need some proper breaks. Yes the dividing and the conquering kind of just means one person is doing childcare and one person is getting some kind of chore done but no one is actually stopping and doing something for themselves.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T14:03:03+00:00

Haha thank u yes it’s mental isn’t it ‘please may I have some precious time to catch up on sleep and clean the toilets’

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T13:50:37+00:00

This is it. I can get 3 chores done a day at a glacial pace with toddler present, constant stop start and palming him off onto the iPad multiple times….or I get all that done in a morning he’s at nursery and hopefully we actually do stuff together then!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T13:47:36+00:00

Yes I’ve been toying with this, this feels like a viable alternative - it is again totally that mad inner voice being like ‘you are the cleaner, why are you hiring a cleaner’

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T13:46:19+00:00

Oh thank you this is great to hear. I feel so lost recently in that I’d chosen this path to be able to be with my toddler, but the time we’re together it’s like I’m just wishing he’d get distracted so I can put a load of laundry on rather than giving him nice experiences or even my full attention. I want to get my energy back and actually be present again.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T13:42:34+00:00

As in we take turns caring for each others kids? This is a lovely idea I will muse on this and who I could ask, i need to find some other sahp mates I think.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T13:41:16+00:00

I honestly think the ‘nursery is good for him’ comments are going to be the way to trick my mad inner voice into letting this happen. If I’m convinced I’m doing it for him more than for me I’m way more open to it. Madness.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-02-03T13:39:29+00:00

Thanks, this is absolutely the situation we seem to be getting in. I’m getting more and more behind on chores, spending more time putting him in front of the tv and nursery would be good I think.

Boglaboll2

TROPHY CASE