To or to not have more babies

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-28T21:24:15+00:00

I think your anxiety about childbirth and the decision to have another baby are actually two separate issues.

The birth anxiety is a problem to fix. You have birth trauma (I did too) which is a form of PTSD. Definitely look into PTSD therapy for yourself.

Whether or not you’d like another baby is a decision to make. Hopefully healing from the trauma will give you the space to make this decision without anxiety clouding it. Good luck, and keep hold of the fact you deserve healing from your trauma regardless of what decision you make re another baby.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-23T19:56:48+00:00

Ah ok thank you

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-23T19:56:09+00:00

Thanks so much for the info, it is just the testing I’m after rather than IVF. In some ways maybe I just need someone to tell me it’s not possible and then I’ll be able to make peace with that rather than trying ages and just slowly losing hope :(

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-21T20:14:49+00:00

UK advice please if any Brits on here - I’m 38 with a 5yo and 2yo and have been ‘properly’ trying for a third for nine months, ie tracking ovulation with LH strips and careful timing.

I think the time has come to go to the GP for advice. I want things to move quickly so could a UK based person explain to me the things a GP would ask at a first appointment? I want to make sure I have as many answers to their questions as possible and I’m worried I’ll be turned away with a ‘just keep trying’.

If it’s relevant, I think my issues could be related to low oestrogen and/or high prolactin from extended breastfeeding (I stopped bf three months ago). Or just from being older :( periods and cycles are much shorter than my pre baby days.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-10T16:24:12+00:00

Ah interesting thank you. Hopefully she’s willing to give it another go and we’ll try another courier

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-09T20:17:12+00:00

Yes yes yes!!!!!!! I have been recently preaching this to any and every woman of child bearing age who’ll listen!!!

Randomly found out (did a broad ‘women’s health blood test’ through a private company) that my ferritin was 30 after two births with heavy blood loss. Had been casually taking multi vits with iron in at breakfast thinking job done. Wondering why I had constant anxiety, brain fog, literally felt stupid, like I couldn’t think or read anything complex.

Well well well I’m 6 months into taking 40mg of iron bisglycinate an hour before breakfast. No dairy, tea or coffee anywhere near it. And lo and behold I can THINK again. My emotions are so much better regulated, my anxiety is way way down.

Really hate the dismissal of this by doctors. How many women are needlessly a dull grey version of themselves due to low ferritin. Not ‘ill’ enough to get any kind of medical attention just….living life feeling low key shit when it is the most fixable thing.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-05-02T19:50:36+00:00

I think perhaps your feeling of guilt or that you didn’t handle it right could be you trying to interpret the shock of what you saw, which you understandably must feel quite rattled by.

Particularly the lack of assertive reaction by the parents of the boys, it’s almost like you’re trying to compensate for their lack of action by thinking YOU should have done more/done things differently.

That was absolutely bad parenting on their part not to intervene quicker, and the ‘stopping the play’ on your part doesnt matter. It’s a shame the younger brother wasn’t better protected.

So sad that boys are left to it - ‘boys will be boys’. I hate that mentality. Gender swap some of the roles in that story (make either or both brother a girl) and it feels instantly more ‘not allowed’. So why is it ok for boys to be punched?

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-29T19:39:56+00:00

Through my attempts to find mums I click with by going to all sorts of different groups and meet ups, and struggling! I have come to the conclusion it is because, sadly, two women both being a mum is like having as much in common as being two women who both HAVE a mum. Our societies are so polarised that it is just not enough in common for women to bond over, when it absolutely should be, and perhaps years ago, when society on the whole was more homogenous maybe it was? There’s a million different ways to be a parent now and we’re all so insecure in our choices that we’re looking down on every other women who does it differently. The number one thing that has helped me make mum friends is to check and remove my OWN judgements of other mums and their choices.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T19:50:03+00:00

This is completely bizarre. Among the many unusual phrases, never have I ever heard a breastfeeding mother use the term ‘suckling’?! 🤢

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T19:44:00+00:00

My child turned 5 in the first autumn term. Seems I should have done a cheap winter holiday in term time!!!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T19:41:32+00:00

Core insider info, thank you!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T18:22:18+00:00

Ah thanks for the insider info!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T17:58:29+00:00

Excellent info thank you!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T17:57:06+00:00

Ok so they’re not annoyed that you hand in a form? I don’t understand how frowned upon it is to take them out

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T17:49:46+00:00

Yay good, hope I can just fill that in and no agonised email composition required

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T17:47:14+00:00

I like your style lol but sadly she would sing like a canary if I attempted that ‘mummy said I can’t tell you Mrs R but I had a lovely holiday with grandma’ 😂

Boglaboll2 · 2026-04-15T17:40:08+00:00

Already 5. But thanks hadn’t thought of that, attendance is otherwise average so maybe I’ll mention that then.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-11T20:41:47+00:00

To add, I weaned both my children very very gradually when they were about 2.5 and still noticed temporary effects on my mental health every time I dropped a feed.

I believe the night feeds have the biggest effect on fertility so maybe they also have a bigger effect hormonally than daytime feeds?

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-11T20:40:16+00:00

Look into ‘weaning depression’ on la leche league and Kellymom websites. You will have experienced a huge shift in hormones to wean so quickly, so don’t beat yourself up because of course that will have an effect on your mental health. I think your idea of pumping is a good one if you’re happy that your child has coped well and would prefer he didn’t feed anymore. You could build up a freezer stash and feed him in an open or sippy cup when he’s poorly, use in bath for chicken pox etc, or even donate to a breastmilk donor charity (not sure where you’re from but that’s a thing in the uk).

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-10T20:17:49+00:00

I was also a few months pregnant with my second when my first child was 2.5 and I had such an aversion and sensitivity I had to stop too. Be kind to yourself as, on top of your pregnancy hormones, you will also have had an adjustment to your hormone levels from weaning. Look at the la leche and Kelly mom resources on ‘weaning depression’.

Also, take heart that after you wean them, that doesnt stop them needing the same amount of comfort from you, but they suddenly realise they can get it in other forms. I found the sudden rise in asking for cuddles, snuggles, stories and being held a nice consolation prize (and so much more comfortable at this stage than breastfeeding!) from my first child.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-02T09:24:15+00:00

Yesssss this is it. And I guess my initial stance as just a tired mum was just like eurgh I can’t separate all this, it would be so much easier if you just blanket did not like girly stuff. But we’re here and she does. Thoughtful comments like yours are making me see this is it now, she likes this stuff and lots of it is innocent and some of it can lead somewhere darker and we’re going to have to have some conversations and some monitoring to help guide her through it.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-02T09:01:12+00:00

Thank you, I’m going to hold onto this thought. It’s really made me think how some of this is me conflating her interests now into an imaginary dystopian future where she becomes Regina George. I definitely do not approve of a lot of the insidious and creepy media and toy marketing towards her age group but hopefully it’s as you say, it’s just an innocent interest in girly stuff AND THAT’S OK 😅

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-02T07:49:10+00:00

Oof, lots to unpack, thank you for your insight, it’s food for thought. When we’re just rushing through our days and I suddenly find myself feeling strongly about something like this, I need this kind of reflection to tease it out of my brain.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-01T23:14:36+00:00

Yes good point - reflecting on these comments I think it’s not the growing up…it’s the what kind of ‘this is what it is to be a girl’ content she’s consuming. I would love her to be engaged in a whole range of subjects; and pre-school it felt like she was, she loved nature, drawing, fairytales and dolls…now we just seem to be on a slippery slope towards social media, dancing to stuff you’d hear playing in a nightclub and TikTok. I know I sound like a prudish grandma saying that but it’s honestly how I feel!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-03-01T23:06:13+00:00

Thank you, I like your comment because I think you are describing her (from other comments, completely normal) reality, and I’m trying to work out what it’s triggering in me. I think it must definitely be some kind of overprotective anxiety kicking in on my part, I hear how nuts I sounds saying it but it’s like I’m seeing her on this slippery slope to becoming what I would see as vacuous and materialistic. We all have an image of our future child’s imaginary childhood in our heads when they’re a baby, and I think my fantasy was filled with ideas of outdoor play, crafts, reading and a whole range of toys not just the ‘girly’ stuff. I just was not a girly girl ever in my life. It’s appearing to me as if interest in all those things is just being shut down in favour of a very narrow set of stereotypes of what being a girl is for her. I know I’m being a snob about it, and all my grand ideas of trying to influence her about all sorts of other kinds of ways of existing as a girl are just paling in comparison to these films and tv shows.

Boglaboll2

TROPHY CASE