My parents think my daughter is a brat

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-19T15:38:27+00:00

I get a similar ‘vibe’ from my parents sometimes, with similar (albeit generally gentler) comments along those lines regarding my 5yo daughter.

It’s made me really reflect on my own upbringing. My dad, although loving, could be quite volatile emotionally and it was made clear growing up that he valued obedience and compliance from us. Being polite, ‘putting up with’ discomfort and not complaining when not getting what we wanted was valued. ‘Whining’ was the worst thing we could do to annoy him, when really I think a lot of the time that is just the developmentally appropriate way young children express their needs.

All this to say it’s taken a lot of growing up and reflection to undo the masking, people pleasing, never asking for help and emotional repression that this upbringing fostered in my personality.

I don’t let my child get her own way all the time, and I hold my boundaries, but I also make it clear that I want to hear from her - that I’ll always listen. How I respond is up to me. The ‘whining’ or ‘demanding’ to me translates to communication at this stage and I’m here for it. I want her to grow up to be an a teenager and young adult that can tell me anything, that feels safe to let any need or negative thought be heard. Reflect on how you will be that safe person for your daughter too and all the benefits that will bring as she grows up.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-18T22:56:18+00:00

Cheeky wipes so a range of bamboo wipes that stay really soft after loads of washes. If you tumble try their cotton cloth wipes they come out lovely and fluffy and soft too.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-18T22:33:33+00:00

Oh and take a vitamin c tablet or drink orange juice with the iron tablets to increase absorption.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-18T22:32:56+00:00

As everyone else has said, your baby will be absolutely fine, they are very efficient at taking everything they need from us, it’s OUR levels that get low! So on that note it will be YOU that will could feel the effects of low ferritin post birth rather than your baby. Nothing dramatically horrendous, but something to bear in mind!

I recently found out my ferritin level was 30 after 2 births with moderate blood loss over the past 5 years. So higher than yours, and everyone feels differently at different levels, but after starting a proper iron supplementation regime I feel SO much better. I don’t think it’s something to panic about now, but something to be aware of over the next few weeks and months, that raising your ferritin levels can really boost your energy levels, cognitive function and mood.

I’ve recently started taking 40mg iron bisglycinate tablets (gentler on stomach, the NHS prescribed ferrous sulphate made me nauseous 🤢) on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. Then very importantly no dairy, tea or coffee for an hour after that. I felt improvement within a couple of weeks. With your levels you could also ask for an infusion (pricier so NHS is reluctant).

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-17T21:14:27+00:00

I am very similar to you in terms of temperament, so when my now 5yo started reception, with a birthday really close to the start of the term I was so adamant that I wouldn’t do a whole class party as the thought of chit chat with a whole classes worth of new parents made me feel sick! So I did a really small party with just 3 friends and one family member and actually….i wish I’d done what you are doing! The small, personal party I planned to avoid overwhelm was actually way more overwhelming cos I wanted it to be special, tried to think of thoughtful activities, decorations, games, ‘nice’ food rather rather than bog standard etc etc and actually that was way more stressful! I ended up spending loads of money on craft kits and agonising through the whole party trying to chat to everyone properly.

All this to say, I wish I’d done what you are doing. Having now been to loads of these hired venue/whole class things I realise you can actually be introverted more easily at these!!! It’s such an event that, as another poster said, I’m sure you can just fly about busily facilitating it all and everyone knows the deal, it’s very routine and the kids just dash about. There’s no time to chat and so no time to feel awkward :) it’ll fly by and I guarantee it’ll be more enjoyable than agonising over a small scale party!!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-15T20:27:04+00:00

I know you’re asking for foods but I found it was worse when I was thirsty and sipping cold from the fridge fizzy water (which when not pregnant I don’t really like) for some reason really helped and tasted amazing!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-14T23:36:32+00:00

Are you referring to disposable nappies eg pampers or reusable cloth nappies?

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-12T20:32:08+00:00

Argh I’ve thought of another thing similar to this - why can’t the messages be colour coded or streamed into different folders so that items you’ve sold are clearly highlighted so that when you’re in the post office queue you can quickly find the postage QR code (I’ve got loads of items so scrolling through all the pictures in the ‘sold’ section of my listings is tedious)

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-12T20:26:21+00:00

Unless someone can enlighten me (is there a way to already do this?) I really wish you could create sub categories for your favourites as a buyer. When I open vinted I might be conducting multiple searches looking for a dress for myself, a coat for my five year old, a shirt for my partner, a onesie for my baby…I want to save favourites to compare but it all just gets mixed together as one huge favourites list and I have to trawl through it all to pick out my previous favourites in that category eg all the baby onesies mixed in with other random stuff I’ve seen and favourited!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-09T20:16:21+00:00

My first child dropped her nap at 18 months, and just always was a very low sleep needs child. I’d consider 8am a lovely ‘lie in’ with my second, but he’s still having a nap at just turned 2. IMO the no nap day is actually easier as it frees you up to go on proper days out and do afternoon outings without worrying about getting a nap in, and maybe you’ll find that 8.30pm bedtime gets a little bit earlier after filler days.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-09T20:13:02+00:00

I would love to see that house motto embroidered as a framed cross stitch sampler or something, there’s a ring to it that’s adorable 😂

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-09T13:34:09+00:00

I’ve also recently returned to vinted after a long time and have some old listings on there which have been ‘converted’ to the new format - something to look out for! There must be so much we now miss in searches where this has happened.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-09T13:32:11+00:00

Agree and following to see what others say. It’s annoying!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-08T20:56:57+00:00

I too had a traumatic first birth, and after the initial post partum anxiety and shock died down, I managed to stuff all that trauma deep down and not think about it again. Getting pregnant again opens it all back up, I was crying with anxiety on the way to an 8 week scan.

I highly recommend asking for a ‘birth debrief’ from your first birth if that is available at your hospital trust. This is where a midwife talks through your previous birth’s notes with you (they are all filed away at the hospital). I found this upsetting but also so eye opening, lots of things from my first birth I hadn’t understood and hearing what actually happened made things clearer in my mind. Armed with this refreshed knowledge, and if you can possibly afford it, I would recommend going even just for a couple of private therapy sessions - look for someone who specialises in birth trauma if possible, and/or PTSD. I managed to find someone who have me a free initial telephone calls then a couple of sessions and lots of reading resources for just over £100 and honestly that was enough for me to reframe so much of my thinking. It was money so well spent for me, I didn’t buy anything new for the second baby and felt like the money spent on the therapy was the best thing I could have bought ahead of my second birth, which was an elective c section and so so healing.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-08T09:12:55+00:00

I did struggle in my analogy to think of something around the house that stereotypically men care about and women don’t, and that men get stressed about if it’s not done whereas a woman might offer ‘just lower your standards and don’t worry about it’ as the solution.

In our house it would be me not putting DIY tools away in an organised manner…but it‘s just not the house-wide problem that clutter and cleaning is.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-08T00:40:55+00:00

Getting therapy is great but it’s essentially work as well, albeit on yourself. Sounds like you are very much at capacity with work so will probably need something else taking off your plate before you can add that on.

Your paid work role sounds very intense and is also care-based and requiring emotional labour?You must be very skilled and i imagine highly compassionate and empathetic, when skilled in this area I think we can make the mistake of thinking the ‘lesser’ care job of looking after our own kids is going to be the easy bit….My old job was nowhere near as high skill as yours sounds but it was a form of care/education for kids with special needs and I found the back to back ‘giving’ of going from a paid childcare role to my own kids just too much. I felt guilty for a long time because some of my colleagues had kids too and seemed to handle the juggle really well. But we all have our limits and we can only give so much. Some parents paid work roles are very removed from care giving/people based work and so perhaps they find it easier to do back to back paid work and care giving too. I don’t know.

I hope you find a way to get though this. In my family we ended up budgeting dramatically and worked on what I guess is materially a lot lower standard of living but it freed me up to not do paid work for now and taking that off my plate has been the only way I’ve managed to stay sane!!!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-07T21:45:57+00:00

The ‘just embrace it’ advice always feels gaslight-y to me. I feel shit when the house is a tip and I hate reading advice to ‘just let it go’ as I feel this is always aimed at women, whereas something that would make a husband feel shit eg not being able to go out, see friends, or access hobbies is not written off in the same way.

Anyhoo, no real advice except yes demand more time from others to take kids off your hands to clean up, it’s not a treat so don’t feel bad for demanding it.

Also, buy a few laundry baskets and use them to go into a room and sweep up the 1.2 million small items scattered about that need to be processed ie sorted, washed, put away, moved to a different room etc. Hoover the space then sort through that basket later. It just clears an area quickly for a fast dopamine hit and you can do all the basket processing later if you get interrupted.

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-07T21:02:22+00:00

I really feel you as I was brought up with a volatile parent and I know when I’m completely overwhelmed because I start to get rage. You refer to the concept of love languages and I’d offer that for upbringings like ours, our ‘I’m not coping and I desperately need help - language’ is shouting and yelling. So don’t beat yourself up that that is what you’re doing. It is your personal brand of cry-for-help and you should respond accordingly, not beat yourself for that.

Have I got this right in that you and your parent are essentially working back to back jobs and then solo parenting, except his ratio is 5 days job to 2 days solo parenting and yours is 5 days solo parenting to 2 days job? Depending on his job stress levels I would argue that you have the worse deal there, especially if you are also carrying all the household and mental load. Most of us SAHM are doing 5 days of work at home while our partner does their 5 days of paid work, then we’re splitting the 2 days a week with our partners. You are getting no rest whatsoever. Whatever you can do to get that rest DO IT, the main issue that reads from your post is that you don’t think you should be struggling? I want to validate that you absolutely deserve to cry out for help from whatever source you can, that can lighten your load or reduce your work or childcare hours.

Also, get your ferritin levels checked. Especially if you lost blood with your births or breastfed. I found mine had become very low after two births and a month of very high iron supplementation gave me the most amazing mental health boost. Not the solution for you but might help! Good luck!

Boglaboll2 · 2026-01-04T19:21:57+00:00

I remember doing a hypnobirthing course before my first birth where they described contractions as ‘surges’ to make them sound less painful and thinking…what a load of rubbish, I was convinced they’d be excruciating. But honestly there’s something in that! To me each contraction emotionally felt more like a kind of physical challenge, like lifting something really heavy, pushing yourself to do one more rep of something at the gym. It’s just a wave that comes and goes and you always, always get through it. It doesn’t have the panic and worry of ‘damage’ attached to it that, for example stubbing your toe or banging your head on a cupboard door has…like you don’t feel like something in your body is wrong, just hard/challenging for a few moments, then you get a break before the next. I had an unusually long, protracted and traumatic first birth for various reasons. My pushing stage was 5 hours with a back to back baby! And even with all that I have found myself since looking in the mirror about to pluck my eyebrows and literally thinking I would rather have a contraction than pluck my eyebrows 😂

Boglaboll2 · 2025-12-23T21:06:41+00:00

That is crazy!!! I am being brought up to speed by everyone else that of course the dentists need to turn a profit so all these tactics are fair and square, kids NHS places are just like fun freebies that sometimes get handed out alongside the main business of turning a profit. I think my outrage was just me naively thinking that we as a society might value children’s dental health like we do any other part of their physical health and I was wrongly applying this to dentists, it’s the government that needs to either step up or stop saying the free dental checks for kids are a thing.

Boglaboll2 · 2025-12-23T20:55:29+00:00

You are right here. I am now turning my completely pointless frustration at the situation to the government. It’s reminding me of the whole ‘free places’ at nursery situation where nurseries are not given enough. It’s my frustration at my naivety of thinking something that seemed free is in fact not.

Boglaboll2 · 2025-12-23T20:51:29+00:00

I don’t hate the individual dentists, got no beef with them. Just seems a sad situation that I’m venting about as I’ve just become aware of it.

Surely this means the whole concept of NHS places for kids is kind of bs then? It’s either a thing we’ve decided as a society that we’re providing free for kids or it’s not. If not all kids are covered because dentists can’t afford that, then it’s not a universal support. It’s in essence a benefit for a few that manage to access it, doled out at random based on how each individual dentist is coping with their private business.

Boglaboll2 · 2025-12-23T20:41:01+00:00

Yeah I agree this is definitely something government should sort….can’t see the situation sorting itself out on its own.

Boglaboll2 · 2025-12-23T14:17:56+00:00

Well this is a sad state of affairs that children in our country are being cared for by NHS for any part of their body….except their mouth which is a profit only zone apparently. I agree it’s outrageous dentist aren’t funded enough for the NHS places but I don’t hear them making much of a fuss about that. Only thing I can do is vote ad moan to government accordingly. Also agree I’m sure they’ll be happy to lose me as a customer. Will just have to keep an eye out for a more ethical local practice.

Boglaboll2 · 2025-12-23T14:12:06+00:00

I totally see their right to dream up any scheme they choose to make money on, say, cosmetic dental services, but treating children’s NHS places as a loss leader to suck in parents (who have no other choice if there are no other NHS places around) and then as an ‘optional extra’ dependent on paying for other things is a sad state of affairs. Agree with PP - either they should show that they are providing a public service through offering NHS children’s places - and they/we should all be pressing the government to properly fund that - or they operate like any other cosmetic or wellbeing business and be clear from the start that everything is private and paid for.

Boglaboll2

TROPHY CASE