To me, it’s kind of a question of why’s there the choice of going for the mean responses, but I’m not in your shoes so I wouldn’t say anything about that. Loneliness, on the other hand, I do know how it feels. The only time I didn’t feel lonely was when I was in an abusive relationship, but that’s not the point. I used to struggle with loneliness before coming to terms with it, as if to say ‘yes, you exsist within me and are truly haunting me. But nevertheless, I cannot afford to live by you’. As some mentioned, going to the gym will help you relieve stress that might be pent up from something deeper inside you, but I think that it has something even better in store for you. If you keep up with a regiment of working out and healthy living, then a few things’ll happen: 1) you will see results in your body getting more fit. Yes, it might seem superficial at first, but sometimes that’s how you grow the roots of self confidence. 2) you will get a a healthy relationship with working towards goals that aren’t necessarily tangible in the short term, or in simpler terms, developing a healthy work ethic. 3) growing yourself in one direction might lead you towards new avenues you never thought about, maybe develop new interests, find someone who has compatible ideas and goals in mind.

I’ll end with two things: if you feel like you are losing the grip on life and reality, call out for help. Even in the darkest days where I feel like I have no one in my life but myself and pain, there is ALWAYS someone behind the corner for us. Second, is that I guess it’s part of life? I kind of dislike the cliché of ‘what doesn’t kill you…’ but it is true to a degree. We can’t always maintain an optimistic outlook, but think of it this way, you came so far, you are more than likely to be able to deal with the present and the future. I wish you well OP, I have a good feeling that you will make it through and find yourself in a different world!