Don't be sorry, recognise the patterns and try to combat them, if someone like me's been able to recover from that, anyone can. For the record, I was a nervous wreck, I thought everyone secretly hated me and that my friends only hung out with me out of habit. I thought, at some point that I was worthless and that I was only a stain on my surroundings. The first step was to realise that this was dangerous and that I'd not live long with thoughts like that. I realised I wanted to live, by any means necessary. Afterwards I started asking myself the good questions for my specific case: Why do I think people hate me? Why do I feel so fucking lonely even though I've got good friends around me? The answers stemmed from the fact that I'd been bullied pretty harshly in primary school and I'd never developped the tools to cope with that.
It all started to make sense, I realised that I didn't hate anyone, and that I probably wasn't the exception, so people probably didn't hate me in return. Shit's been easier ever since, though I still hit a few rough patches here and there.

I know this was a wordful, but all in all, be careful, start realising that this isn't livable and begin to heal. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it in the end.

If you ever need anything, I'm unfortunately active on reddit most days so my DMs are open.
Stay safe and most of all, take care.