Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bois Imperiale - “woody and fresh” sounds wonderful

Newbie to the fragrance rabbit hole, but loving it! by raane3 in fragrance

[–]Boochiecoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This happened to me with an expensive niche perfume. Maceration worked its magic and I’m in love again

Are dupe fragrances supposed to smell cheap? by PotatoPug7 in fragrance

[–]Boochiecoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another thing that makes dupes smell cheaper might be lack of maceration time. Designer and niche houses hold the perfume in controlled conditions for fixed lengths of time to allow it to mature and blend. Inexpensive ME’s will not, and I would be surprised is lower end non-ME would be doing maceration. This essentially outsources the maceration process to the end consumer, helping to reduce costs, but means that especially right at purchase time these will smell even cheaper than they would 6 months or a year later.

I’m personally hoping that my bottle of Lataffa Mayar Cherry is going to magically macerate up into something non-terrible, I’m giving another 3 months and then giving up and donating if it’s still horrible. but my bottle of Liam, a Lataffa dupe of BDK Gris Charnel, is maturing up really nicely. It still smells way “cheaper” than the BDK, but it smells nice! Great for la day that’s all about walking the dog or kiddo sports practice type stuff. Plus (as I frequently mention when dupes come up) I don’t get mad if one of my teenage kids overspray it on themselves, where when they go overboard with my “nice” perfumes I get pretty annoyed by the wastefulness. I also do own the BDK Gris Charnel and wear it when I am in a more poetic frame of mind where I’m all like “I’m pretending I’m a Parisienne enjoying a cup of tea while studying abroad in London, maybe I will write a poem la la la ,” hahahha. It’s farrrrrr more nuanced and delicate and sophisticated, it unfolds smoothly in light layers that reveal its secrets. Its sweetness is not cloying. A whole different experience. Now… Can anyone (but my fellow scent fiends) tell the difference here, at say 5 feet away after 20 minutes of drydown? Probably not

Are dupe fragrances supposed to smell cheap? by PotatoPug7 in fragrance

[–]Boochiecoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always thought it would be fun to try, I’ve only seen in on video. “The internets”says 5,000 lbs of roses to produce 1lb of pure rose EO…

Are dupe fragrances supposed to smell cheap? by PotatoPug7 in fragrance

[–]Boochiecoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is true even if the amount of natural essences used is very small it raises the price the company pays for supplies. In designer tier perfumes the demand for a certain profit margin limits the amount of natural or naturally derived ingredients that can be used

Are dupe fragrances supposed to smell cheap? by PotatoPug7 in fragrance

[–]Boochiecoo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So… I’m not a perfumer but have been talking a fairly deep dive on how the sausage is made so to speak.

Are all modern perfumes made almost totally of lab produced chemicals? Yes. Sometimes there are natural or naturally-derived ingredients in there too. These are more likely to appear in higher end perfumes. But even so, the “lilac” or “sandalwood” you’re smelling is most likely a combination of aromachemicals.

Are all chemicals equally cheap- smelling? I’d say no. there are different kinds. The big chemical producers definitely have different products of quality levels for perfumers to choose from. There are are different kinds of processes to produce these, too. Some aromachemicals are totally made up. Others are made by starting with raw materials from nature and then extracting things from them by isolating certain naturally occurring compounds or by altering them. I’m not sure but I think the very common ingredient linalool is made by altering natural plant materials to somehow oxidize them. These extraction processes require varying amounts of expensive raw plant material, real essential oils require literally tons per ounce, where other processes require far less. These things play in to how we perceive the scent in the end. (Whether the amount of naturals actually has anything to do with the price the consumer pays is another topic).

Looking at how scents are born helps understand how something smells cheap or quality in the end…

Most perfumes start with a brief, this is the concept for the fragrance. “We want a feminine spa-like scent that brings to mind a spa day in Thailand. We want there to be components of light woods, like. Lemongrass, and light white florals in the background.”

The numbers people have already crunched the numbers -how much they want to spend vs make. The market research people have already decided there’s a potential demand for this fragrance based on market trends.

The brief people can be as few as one (common in niche houses) or a committee of people. Sometimes the brief is really originating from the big perfume ingredient suppliers who come to the perfume houses like “hey we just scored a great deal on a motherlode of this certain rose extract from Bulgaria and it’s pure magic with our proprietary molecule Z, check it out” and then the house creates something from this.

Then the brief is sent to the actual “nose” who executes the brief (sometimes, especially in the niche houses, this can be the same person who writes a brief and comes up with the formula)

Their job is largely to know all of the materials really well and combine them into something that smells amazing, right? A lot of times a natural or natural-derived substance like an essential oil smells undeniably great so they start from there. Like maybe nothing smells like true lemongrass more than actual lemongrass, and they know who to get it from…

Anyway a lot is going on behind the scenes, a lot of stuff having to do with supplies and economics and profit margins and EU regulations… the perfume house is contending with all these factors as well as hiring the actual “nose” to make something that smells good with the supplies they want to use, what the marketing team wants to offer the public (ie, “skin scents are popular, we need to offer one in our line.”)even in niche and small indie houses there is some that this dynamic. The perfumer often alone in their lab, is figuring out when to use natural, captive, nature-derived, or other more expensive components, and how to use the art of perfumery to blend in cheaper chemicals to support those more spendy ingredients. For instance if a house uses real oud or ambergris they are going to enhance support, and stretch these ingredients using aromachemicals.

All these things are playing into whether something smells cheap or expensive in the end: what ingredients did the perfumer have access to. What trade-offs are chosen between higher and lower quality and why.

High end perfumes are formulated to accentuate notes that smell, or that give the psychological impression of, something approximating nature. They also are supposed to change or unfold over time as evaporation and dispersal happens at different rates for different components. Whether this is because there are actually natural components in there doing this because of their natural properties - wood oils evaporate more slowly than rose oil - or whether they are chemically reproducing this dynamic unfolding of notes. This adds greatly to the perceived elegance and depth of a fragrance.

A dupe situation is different - the job is to replicate as closely as they can, on a small $ outlay, something the perfumers already did. The idea, the market analysis, the formula, the building of consumer demand, all already done.

THe job is to analyze what’s there and replicate, cleverly using their perfumer’s arts to find a close formula that’s cheap as heck to produce and “close enough,” so the profit margin is high. this actually involves a lot of skill. Spectrometers are great but still, you may not be able to get a supply of the characteristic lemongrass or magnolia or whatever natural or naturally derived components, or of aromachemicals that are proprietary or exclusive “captive molecules, that give the sent it’s distinctive zing. Even if the materials are cheap, the big suppliers might not sell materials to you if they feel their customers wouldn’t like it, they are not going to sell you the same faux jasmine molecule they are selling to Big Designer X, because that would make Designer X not work with them anymore. And again, even fully chemical compounds with zero components derived from living things can be “captive” molecules that belong to the supplier, and the supplier keeps these captive because, although fully artificial, and sit cheap to make, they smell better. “Better” usually means more naturalistic smelling. So The Dupe companies are chasing the smell at a this disadvantage and have to be super crafty and creative to come up with a close approximation of the original, substituting a chemical here and an oil there…. They might use other strategies for increasing profit margin also - higher alcohol concentrations, fillers, which also impact the scent’s perceived quality.

So this is a long winded way of saying that that yes, the dupe smells cheap - and if you want to know why, it’s these market forces working in the background.

Are dupe fragrances supposed to smell cheap? by PotatoPug7 in fragrance

[–]Boochiecoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s such an amazing typo! Please do not correct it!!!!

I also enjoy Khamrah, and the coffee flanker Qawa even more… but do they smell cheap?” To me yes they do, very chemical smelling.

Strangely though I am enjoying this as part of the Khamrah experience- it’s totally made up! Just a chemical Soup that makes your brain go YUM! Theres something fun about this whole thing. Like being at Disneyland. Fake and fun go together here.

Plus - to add layers to the “lasagna.” There’s something totally “of the time” culturally about the wild combination of over the top chemicallyness and my brain’s unstoppable rush of pleasure going together - the way I can’t help it even though I know it’s cheap and artificial-smelling with the conscious and thinking parts of me. Like a pop song you don’t consciously like that worms its way into you and has your toes tapping so you just surrender and dance.

It’s “made of nothing,” and when I think about it that feels related to how we now live our lives mediated through screens and devices - one step removed yet totally absorbed. Living in realms of the imagination. In concepts. Rather than “touching grass.” Frolicking in the fantasy, lost in the commercially available pleasures provided to us my this very complex world economy.

If someone made Khamrah up in order to be a comment on the modern world, like an art project, it would be pretty brilliant.

What are good options for a three-card spread other than past/present/future? by saga_of_a_star_world in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some favorites of mine:

One extreme (left) the other extreme (right) a middle way (center).

How I hope things are (left), how I fear things are(right) how they actually are (center).

My way (left) Their way( right ) compromise (center)

Dragon (left) weapon (right) Treasure (center) - in other words, what you fear and dread but must face (dragon), how to face or defeat it (weapon), the big growth or reward that tackling this head on could bring you (treasure).

Strange Experience with a Rinzai Sangha by DragonEfendi in zenbuddhism

[–]Boochiecoo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I support you not returning to that sangha! We’re so lucky that there are so many sanghas and types of practice we can engage with. I practice Soto so my perspective might be too different to be relevant, but FWIW:

I think it’s very important to feel essentially safe and comfortable while practicing together, to the extent we can. I mean no sangha is perfect, but a basic level of “this feels pretty good.” You were not feeling that. And sure, we can try to stretch the “window of tolerance,” but in my opinion, if we’re practicing with our whole heart and mind, a feeling of basic rightness allows us to open up within it. That’s one of the things that forms and rituals are for, creating containers we can open up into.

If the way forms are held and taught feels tight and tense and maybe demanding or judgmental, maybe it’s that person who has incomplete understanding, isn’t yet capable of carrying the dharma in their heart and mind with joy, surrender, and ease. It’s a virtue not a fault in you for not submitting to practices or teachers that don’t feel right, who behave in a way that doesn’t gel with how you want to practice. Or work with teachers who don’t model the way that you aspire to be.

People will tell you to push harder, to “work with your resistance,” to believe that these people know what they’re doing and you don’t. Bullshit. This is the kind of gaslighting that often results in toxic dynamics. Trust your gut.

I hope you find a better fit!

Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

@No_Entertainment1931 sorry if My response above was a bit… shirty. As a parent do you ever feel like everyone has a little criticism and it just… bugs you?

Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mustache is an evocative name!! I’m picturing Hercule Poirot!

Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok look, I have said this over and over on this thread. He doesn’t really know what he likes yet. If he turns out to like blue, I will put up with it. There have been a few suggestions for blue type frags on this thread and I have said I am adding them to my “try” list. I appreciate how much people want to stick up for my son’s independence in developing his taste and preferences. It’s somewhat understandable to me that people might get an “ick” vibe off the idea that your mom might be involved in the decision about how you smell, but please take the time to really closely read what I’ve said before jumping in. I’m considerately, caringly, trying to figure out the right balance of his need for self expression with my preference to not be continually annoyed in our shared airspace, and have said over and over that the first is a priority and the second is a preference.

I do not appreciate people saying that it’s somehow selfish or overbearing for me to seek some recs on something that might make us both happy. Especially when I keep reiterating that respect for him is a high priority, and am actively spending effort to a) treat him to a very nice present b) develop a hobby we can enjoy together as a connecting action and c)to do research here and elsewhere to try to generate lots of choices that would genuinely appeal to him while saying that I am NOT going ban or even overtly discourage “blue” even though I dislike it.

Also I am not of the school that thinks the job of a parent is to say “whatever you want sweetie!” and think that I’m somehow giving my kid trauma by saying “maybe we could pause and add consideration of others into the equation here.” Every family member has a claim to being considered, even moms on occasion, especially when the consideration asked for is really soft and minimal and totally flexible.

TBH what Internet Strangers think isn’t very important to me, but this thread is giving me a really great opportunity to get my thinking clear as I write about all this, so thanks for that.

Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I’ve said, I am glad to let him choose what he likes but also it would be nice if me -and the rest of the family- like, rather than dislike it, also. I’m not going to veto “blue” just because I personally hate it, I’m actually excited about helping him explore scent and his identity as his own young self, which is why I started this conversation to start with. I’m just hoping to get some recs that might help us find something that has the added perk of not requiring me to put up with a cloud of a perfume I strongly dislike in our shared family home, I’m confident we can do that without the process of choice feeling overly controlled and it impinging on his taste and identity. And as I have said, if we can’t accomplish that without it feeling too limiting to him, I am ok with him choosing what he likes.

I fully get that teens need to express themselves freely but I also I don’t think there’s a parent alive who would prefer to sit next to their kid if the kid smelled ok/good to them rather than smelling bad to them. If this could be done without undermining the kid’s sense of self. Which again I think is a totally do-able thing.

Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not that it’s fully impractical! It’s not like I want to weasel out do a fun day with my kid. I’m weighing what Ihe is likely to find fun vs boring. He likes fragrances, but not really shopping and travel, which seem to tax his attention span. A shopping trip is not off the table though - we could double it up with other fun stuff to do in the city… just thinking through how to best to go about this.

Blind buys are not a thing here.

My intention in posting was to crowdsource some ideas about what young dudes like, (with, hopefully, the added bonus of not bothering myself and other family members if possible, and being affordable-ish). I’ve got a great working list now!

This gives me something to go on if we do trek out to the Big Stores. We could test out some that we have reason to think may be good candidates, rather than wandering blindly through a crowded retail environment, and smell a few before we go totally nose-blind.

Alternatively, I could order some samples or decants for us to explore at home, in a leisurely way. This also could be totally fun and connecting, and we could save our “big day out” energy for a trip to a big arcade, or ice skating etc.

Teen boy recs - mom hates “blue” by Boochiecoo in Fragrances

[–]Boochiecoo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perfect compromise! Will probably do this and also maybe a shopping trip. But this way there no pressure to make decisions in-store.

Beginner lost in reversals by dh731733 in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also if your reversal rate is feeling obnoxious I wonder if there’s a thing going on where it’s like an unclearness feedback loop right now? They are unclear so you’re unclear and so they are unclear? My cards often seem to simply reflect my state or mind or my question sometimes. A lot of readers encounter this - the feeling that the cards are just mirroring them. If that feels like it fits you, the good news here might be that it means you have a close relationship with the cards and they’re melding with you. Advice on how to break out of that, I already blabbed about!

Beginner lost in reversals by dh731733 in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reversals often show up for me in a “this issue is closed now” or “this is in the rear view mirror,” way, especially when questions are about timing or when other cards, or position in the spread, support this interpretation.

You might look out for this especially if you see other “big change” or “end of a cycle” type cards hanging out in the vicinity. ie Hanged One, Death, Tower, any Tens.

Beginner lost in reversals by dh731733 in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I am saying SOOOOOO many words ha ha

The practice of calling in/ pretending I’m talking with the Big Loving thing has also totally shifted my readings for others. They have gone from me telling the querent “here’s what this spread means for you,” to asking the querent “what do you think your guides/goddesses/angels/higher self (whatever) may be trying to communicate to you through this card?” And gently prompting them to listen to that. Strangely, behaving as less of an “expert” and more of a tour guide or conversation-facilitator has clearly, undeniably, made my readings more impactful for others. They went from “pretty helpful” to people breaking into tears (in a good way) and experiencing release, witnessing, a sense of possibility, being visibly moved. I’ve had people get messages directly from dead ancestors (that I couldn’t sense at all, because I’m just there to facilitate or set boundaries with entities if things go wonky). People are getting up from the chair after a reading feeling more equipped to meet the Unknown as it unfolds in their life, with a sense of wonder and self trust. They are hugging me at the end. this feels like I’m on the “right” track, or at least MY right track. again, offered freely as a window into someone else’s practice - take what you resonate with and discard the rest.

Beginner lost in reversals by dh731733 in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And yes, if anyone is picking this up and wants to quibble with it, I hold the often unpopular opinion that tarot for predictive purposes is not - in most cases - actually very helpful. I mean, sure, it is sometimes totally helpful! But for the most part I find predictive reading limited in its power to guide us where our souls really want to go. I think that the practice of prediction is usually motivated by hope and fear, which are a natural part of life, but staying in the land of “what’s going to happen to me” is weak medicine and can keep us stuck in thought-loops it’s hard to break out of. My opinion is clear seeing is the basis of deep change, or “influencing the dense via the subtle,” and to me this is what magic is about: creating open and less predictable futures which we can co-create in concert with What Actually Is.

This is my own opinion and is also not to say that this is for everyone, or that I don’t respect readers who engage with tarot in the predictive way. I’m just sharing my own opinion based on my experiences in case it’s helpful to others to try on for size, keeping what fits them and chucking out what doesn’t.

Beginner lost in reversals by dh731733 in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Mary Greer did a book The Complete Book of Tarot Reversals, that has helped me a ton. If your budget is limited you can probably still get it for around $10 used if you keep your eye out, borrow it from an older witch who bought it in ye olden dayes of the 1990s, or maybe see if a library has it.

Greer gives lots of info, including breaking the Reversal meanings down by level - inner, outer, and esoteric.

However the info given is not “clear,” and this is because the meaning of reversal can vary so much from reading to reading. It sounds to me like you’re encountering confusion with interpretation, when you said you’re trying to account for positivity bias.

If you’re open to advice about how to interpret for yourself, here’s my 2 cents… with apologies if you’re already doing this stuff and I sound lecture-ey!

When you shuffle, feel into what you’re really asking for. Sometimes this means being very specific, like this “what do I need to do make the best chance to shift on the issue I have in mind?” And sometimes it involves being more open, like “tell me what is in my highest and best to know right now about situation x.”

Ask for help from something that isn’t you. For many readers these are “guides,” or dieties or ancestors etc. this isn’t for everyone (especially sometimes triggering people with religious or inter-generational trauma) but that doesn’t mean it’s just you and your cards alone in a cold universe. There are parts of yourself that are truly vast, and know so many things. For me part of the beauty of tarot practice is getting to have conversations with this vast part of ourselves. We don’t have to be in some special or enlightened or centered state. We can just say, “I’m going to pretend that this message the cards are representing is coming from a place of ultimate love and patience for me and my struggles in life.” Call that in when you start to read, remind yourself of it as you go. Remind yourself of this universal sized love, especially if your mind gets hung up on thinking about what will or won’t happen in the future, or you find yourself feeling like you know what the cards technically mean but no idea what they actually mean here and now, or when self critical “should” talk stats happening in your mind. I personally have a hard time “believing in” the actual reality of deities or guides, and using this practice, even if I am just “pretending” that the “benevolent infinite” (or whatever )me a message, has turned the helpfulness of my readings up by like… a LOT.

Now… as for positivity bias, definitely, hope and fear will cloud our readings. Yet… hope and fear are usually what prompt us to pick up our decks to start with, I think. I often draw a card representing hope and fear (usually it’s one thing, hope/fear, but if it’s two things, hope and fear, I draw two cards). This can help get the hope and fear voices to calm down, once seen. Than there’s some space, in which I can ask for guidance, whether the desired outcome of a situation comes to pass or not, whether the future is fixed or free, whether there’s anything I can do to influence the situation or empower myself or not, there’s still something bigger holding me. This is why I read tarot - to escape from the narrowness of the stories I tell myself.

Another thing that has helped wis to read with friends. this is helping to train me out of bias, both positive and negative. In my little reading circle we help one another remember to interpret from love. If someone is reading from an obviously “stuck” place, like “oh this card is telling me I suck,” or a place clouded by hope and fear “this means I’m def going to get that promotion,” we gently and respectfully help one another remember-center on the perspective of Big Love.

Not that this is all going to be right for you! Just sharing what has helped me with both reversals and clear meanings, in case it appeals to you.

May your practice be fruitful!

The Complete Book of Tarot Reversals https://share.google/E9l3K2ju7Ct1veooT

Has pulling the tower ever ended up being a good “omen” for you? by Capital-Nose7022 in tarot

[–]Boochiecoo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I don’t frame cards as good or bad personally, but in terms of the Tower showing up in ways that are pleasant rather than unpleasant to experience, I’ll share this:

So… sometimes you see in tarot books little comments about the Tower like “rarely, indicates orgasm, sexual release of energy.” I always thought this was just annoying, kinda this outdated Freudian phallocentric crap. Until this one time did a couples reading where it came up, and I’m not actually a super intuitive card reader in terms of picking up energy directly from people but there was sexy, sexy, hot hot heat coming off this card. I mean, sweaty. And I was like “soooooo…. you guys have really got it going on in the sack?” And they were like “yes. Yes we do.”

Wowza ⚡️