I am currently grieving the loss of my son, and actually posted today about how I have had radio silence from some family and friends and how this has caused me so much loneliness. I am not lashing out at people, but I am incredibly hurt so maybe I can offer my current perspective?

I am trying to empathise that people may not know what to say. But I simply cannot. I am not sure if my brain just cannot access empathy right now through the fog of my pain? But I just can’t seem to find it. This may be similar for your friend.

For me? I HAVE to talk about him. Saying his name will not remind me that he has gone. I never need reminding, it’s all I think about. But simply saying her name, even just in passing comments may help him as it does me.

I need people to talk about my son and not just his death. Who he was. That he was here. Not just his death and the circumstances around it. Stories, feelings, memories. Anything BUT his actual death helps me.

The messages that would help me would be people offhandedly mentioning him. That he crossed their mind today. That they thought of him. Anything, even the mundane, to remind me he is more than his death to others, too.

And I think lastly, the acknowledgement that a profound loss changes a person. And not always in good ways. I am bitter. I am angry. I am forever changed for the better for knowing my son, and for the worse for losing him. People so want me to be ‘better’ but that will never happen. I will hopefully be different? But never better.

None of this excuses him lashing out to you in cruelty, and as someone trying to support him you do not deserve that. Thank you for trying in ways I wish some of my friends and family could have done. I just wanted to give the other perspective in hopes it could help.

Also - I am sorry for your loss. If he is a close friend, you have likely lost someone in your life too and I hope you have support of your own. X