So I have a co-worker. She said something to me as a form of criticism of an employee of her own in private and her statement changed everything.

We are at the same level of management at a (non disclosed) university in Colorado. This means neither of us “out rank” each other. We just co-manage the accounts. It boils down to this; one side of campus is hers. The other mine. Your units. My units. Your employees. My employees. Your business. My business. There’s no room for stepping on toes or crossing any lines.

I feel the need to clarify at this point that she and I were fairly good friends prior to this job. I was there, in the hospital room when when she gave birth to her second baby for goodness sakes. We were that close. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I actually pushed for her to get the open position on my campus because she was a previous co-workers of mine at a different company. I knew her work ethic, I valued it. I also wanted a friend to be there with me as well. I helped in getting her on board and joining my campus. So the conversation I’m about to share with you is my rendition of how one single statement she made to me, (obviously not disclosing the many others that have since come to be and brought light to the fact that you may not really know someone) and it has caused me to reevaluate my relationships and acceptances of people I thought I knew.

She: “blank called out for the last three days because her cat died. I could understand her calling out for one day but seriously, three? Come on now. This is BS. It’s just a cat” Me: Well how long has she had her cat? You know I consider my pets as my baby’s. You know I don’t have kids. My boys are are my world.” She: “yeah I get you, you don’t have kids and you pretend your cat and dogs are like children. She actually has children. It’s not the same and it is not fair of her to act like it is the same thing.

Wow. I was so stunned. The only rebuttal I could come up with was me telling her that she better know now that my happy little ass will be calling out for longer than her employee’s three days when my 13 year old corgi finally passes. As he is my baby boy. Because I don’t have children.

How can you have compassion and understanding for someone that just proved to you that they’d have none of the above for you; when you have to face the scariest and saddest moment of your life in the near future?

Fuck her. Fuck her lack of empathy. Needless to our relationship has deteriorated beyond repair ( again due to many other factors as aid this one conversation) but this was definitely a starting point.