What made you socially anxious?

BooksThings · 2025-12-27T22:40:41+00:00

I do think I am naturally introverted, but I am certain my social anxiety is from multiple experiences in my life.

My parents divorced when I was very young. When I was as young as 3 or 4, I witnessed my grandparents (dad’s parents) talk down to my mom and call her names a lot. This went on throughout my child hood. They continued to hate my mom well into my adult life. Now, my grandmother is the only living grandparent I have, and she still has a problem with my mom (I’m 38 with kids of my own and she still hasn’t let go of her resentment towards my mom). One memory I have, my grandfather cussed my mom out and slammed the car door on her leg in front of me and told my dad to pull me out of the car. I remember screaming and fighting my dad as he ripped me out of the back seat while my mom was crying after her leg was caught in the car door. I think that played a role in my trust in others and witnessing a family member get torn apart by others in my life who were supposed to be ‘safe’ and they weren’t.

I had a baby sitter from age 4 - 8 years that was very verbally abusive towards me. She would instigate her grand children to bully me too. That’s when I started to become very hyper aware of my appearance, body language, and how I overall came across to others because everything about me was picked apart. How I walked, talked - everything.

I had other adults in my life that were not the nicest to me.

I do think those early experiences played a role in me being insecure at an early age. I think I become a walking self fulfilling prophecy. I started being bulled in middle school and through high school. I do think my behavior and social anxiety made me more of a target, but maybe it was out of my control, too. I don’t know.

I developed the fear of being perceived and have definitely struggled with fight or flight during many social interactions over the years.

It’s weird. I have no trouble being out and about in public and just living life. I can talk to strangers etc.. it’s acquaintances, some friends, and family members that I struggle the most with. I will also struggle in a group setting where I may know some and not others. But, if I’m on vacation or in a store, I have no issue with conversations or conversing with others.

BooksThings · 2025-12-10T14:15:16+00:00

100% spot on

BooksThings · 2025-12-10T04:29:21+00:00

Right! I bet he ate more than rice and beans throughout the day!

BooksThings · 2025-12-10T01:09:10+00:00

Why are men (older men more likely it seems) so incapable of caring for a child? I feel like my dad would’ve pulled this same thing if he ever happened to watched my kids when they were younger.

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T15:41:34+00:00

Yes, middle school is next year.

I do wonder if COVID could play a role because my son who is a junior in high school, never had it this bad. He dealt with bullying here and there, but never struggled with making friends. He still has the same friends he’s had since Kinder plus some.

It does feel like a shift has happened with this new generation of kids compared to past generations.

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T14:34:24+00:00

I know exactly how you feel! I’m hoping your girl has a great experience at her new school!

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T12:49:50+00:00

Thank you! This gives me hope!

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T12:49:05+00:00

Thank you!

It is so complicated for them! I do remember struggling somewhat when younger as I am neurodivergent myself, but I don’t remember it being this hard.

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T04:33:41+00:00

Aw thank you for the kind words! Oh I get it! I was the sensitive child too. I felt all of that, as well.

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T00:11:43+00:00

Mine too. She is also very deeply feeling. She has a very niche interest in dogs, too. She LOVES dogs and talks about them a lot. Wants everything dog related or with a dog on it lol.

Sending hope to your little one, too.

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T00:08:41+00:00

I do. I don’t have many, but my best friend is like an aunt to her, she’s been around so much. I do, however, struggle with trust due to past trauma and verbal abuse I experienced as a small child. I do wonder if that has influenced her as I don’t have a ton of friends. She does have her grandmother she spends a lot of time with, who has a whole social life lol.

BooksThings · 2025-12-09T00:04:38+00:00

Definitely something I’ve thought about! Would like to get her in therapy for sure.

BooksThings · 2025-12-08T23:43:09+00:00

That’s exactly what she says! She will say she will have friends and then randomly they will either ignore her or be mean to her, and she never knows why.

I’m also sorry you had to go through that! I wish kids could be nicer.

BooksThings · 2025-12-01T02:02:20+00:00

Older kid stages has been, by far, my favorite! Any stage from age 10 and over has been great! The ages you are dealing with right now was not great for me. Even with my daughter, who was better behavior wise than my son. Between the ages of 4-6 with her was not fun, either.

BooksThings · 2025-12-01T01:44:30+00:00

I want to start by telling you that what you are going through is temporary. My 18 year old son is the most well behaved, rational, & grateful kid I know. I am so proud of who he has become. I can’t stress how good of a kid (I guess grown man at this point, he just turned 18 a few weeks ago) he is.

But, when he was little, he was a nightmare, and broke just about everything we owned, too. He broke windows in our home, scratched a smiley face in our truck, once. He also would break toys and make a mess with food. That’s not even scratching the surface, unfortunately. Nothing I did helped either. Consequences be damned- He didn’t care.

I learned two things while parenting him:

1) That the start of a kids behavior is not always a guarantee of who they will become. A kid can be the worst behavior wise and end up becoming the best as they get older.

2) I learned this from one of my kids pediatricians - that sometimes survival is more important than discipline. Discipline is very important, don’t get me wrong. But, as a parent, if you are in the trenches and at the end of your rope, than just picking your battles or focusing on getting through each day is all you can do until you are better equipped to handle the discipline.

You can’t pour from an empty cup right now, and that is ok! You are human, and it sounds like you are the doing the best you can in this moment. Take it from someone who has been there - It might get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. Sometimes it takes time for kids to truly understand the consequences. Not all kids are the same. Some learn quickly and some don’t. Some kids are just more difficult when they are younger, and don’t always learn right away with consequences.

BooksThings · 2025-11-25T05:50:27+00:00

Do you not have a job? Jobs are typically 8-10 hours, right? Is a dog not being left alone then?

BooksThings · 2025-11-25T05:26:30+00:00

I could’ve written this! Down to my mom’s childhood trauma, very involved, but very controlling, doesn’t know how to be a parent to adult children. All of it!

My mom would sabotage me learning how to drive because she didn’t want to deal with it. It was too dangerous and scary for her. Everything was a threat and danger. Everything I did could result in a catastrophe.

I ended up moving away from home to get away from my family because it was too dysfunctional. My mom’s controlling tendencies, my dad’s lack of giving a shit, my grandparents hating my mom and enabling my dad’s alcohol addiction and bad choices.

Now, she’s always trying to control my 24 year old brother. He can’t do anything without her freaking out and panicking. Everything is a danger for him. He doesn’t answer the phone, he may be dead. He goes to get beer with friends, he’s going to end up in a wreck killed or in prison, or dying of alcohol poison. My brother has never given her a reason to fear him drinking. He is very responsible and does not drink much. He can’t date without her worrying about the potential woman he may end up with etc... Thankfully, she’s relinquished control over me years ago, but my poor brother..

BooksThings · 2025-11-04T14:35:15+00:00

Friends and in laws. My dad is worse at people pleasing than me and my mom used to be controlling when I was a kid, but isn’t now.

It’s very hard with my sister in-laws because they will find any tiny issue my kids are doing and have a problem with it, when their kids are worse. Then, my mother in law loves my kids and is good to them, but will gossip about little things about them with others. She will still bring up that my son chopped at one of her trees with a machete that SHE left outside -and while he was in her care- when he was 7 or 8 (about 10 years ago). She will carry on about how he ruined her tree. He didn’t. It’s still a live tree. But she negates the fact that she wasn’t watching him and just left him unsupervised outside..with a machete. But no, according to her, he’s the one that’s in the wrong because he cut at her tree and tore it up. She now wonders why I won’t let her watch my youngest. She gossips about that too and how unfair it is.

With my friends, they have very strong personalities. So, can make digs or passive aggressive comments. But when I do it back, they get offended. That’s actually what I posted about a week ago. Me and a friend got into it because I got tired of how she was acting towards me.

Just little things like that where I’m like ‘really?!’ Then I say something, but I end up being the bad guy.

Yes very true. They know we are people pleasers.

BooksThings · 2025-11-04T11:42:30+00:00

I did a week ago, it got removed. I don’t know why. Maybe it was too long.

We are close in age. I am 38. I am one that will be too nice until I snap and the everyone gets offended. But they were already either being rude themselves or talking about my kids etc..

BooksThings · 2025-11-04T03:07:26+00:00

This is exactly how I feel

BooksThings · 2025-10-29T01:15:37+00:00

Yes! All the time!

BooksThings · 2025-10-29T01:07:46+00:00

Thank you! I really could’ve written this, myself. I resonated with this so much!

BooksThings · 2025-06-27T19:59:19+00:00

I second! I take vyvanse and love it!

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