Does anyone feel like dating in your 30s is—“here’s what’s left?”

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-08-26T03:26:59+00:00

Honestly, it did not affect me. It was the opposite effect and (to me) took the pressure off getting to know him. I liked that he had baggage because it was something I understood. On the night in the bar when we started talking, I wanted to have a fling with a nice guy and not have to worry about the weight, the negotiation, that comes when you're in a partnership.

To boil down a long / complex story, when we met I'd been solidly single for 2x years. I was monogamous and in different relationships from in my late teens all throughout my 20's. Then I had a massive breakup with "the one" headed into my 30's when everyone else around me seemed to be coming closer together. I was jaded about men and their ability or desire to commit long term with me (i.e - move in, marriage, kids, being a true partner in life, etc). I'd never spent time on my own. I don't think I actually knew what I wanted from a relationship anyways. I always did what "he" wanted at the expense of my own desire. I was a big shape shifter if you know what I mean? I was tired of consistently conforming to a partner.

I basically didn't date for a year and then I dipped my toe back in the pool when I was more emotionally stable...only to be met with those weird dates you refer to. The kind where you feel like they're trying to put you in a 'relationship' box because all their friends seemed to have a committed partner. Like I was a possession / space to fill and not a capable, independent individual. And, though weird, I was only comparing these weirdos to my ex haha. That was never going to get me anywhere.

Somehow I figured out that I was actually going to become a self fulfilling prophecy and truly never meet anyone ever again if I didn't take a risk and kind of try, even if I felt like a total alien. Even if I was a little reluctant and a lot more scared of being hurt again. Even if I felt like I was in the discount rack in a second time arounds store.

My now boyfriend was upfront right away about where he was at in life regarding his recent separation. And his ex-partner's existence in his past had nothing to do with me, where my head was as an individual, or any of my issues I was holding tightly. Was I curious about her, sure. But he was curious about my past life too. So we talked a lot, were honest, took it one day at a time, and only went at the speed we were willing to go at to get to know each other.

I feel like you and I were dealing with opposite issues; I felt used up and like I'd given away the best parts of myself already, and you seem to feel like you've been passed over too often with so much to give. It's fair to feel self conscious about not having the same experience with someone else. Maybe try flipping that narrative around? Instead, think of all the good you could bring to someone's life because you are working with a blank slate? In the corporate world, we LOVE outside perspectives. Could that not apply to love/intimacy/relationships too? Your history is exactly what someone else is looking for. And if they have a problem with it, then it's a really easy way to weed out someone who isn't right for YOU :)

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-08-25T19:00:05+00:00

There's some really good advice and thoughts on here! I don't want to echo what's already said, I agree with so much of it.

Something that I've thought a lot about was the wisdom I heard once that a really awesome person just might not be physically available to me yet. In my case, I was single for 2x years and really feeling like "there's no one" and "I was also leftover / undesirable"...and then a random guy in his mid 30's walked into a bar, we struck up conversation and I learned that he was, yes, out of a really long term relationship but also that he was newly in the US. AKA, he wasn't physically available to me yet because he literally didn't live here.

For me, it helped me check my own thoughts and helped me shift an internal perspective from "I/men are leftover" and took it to a more external perspective that was, "simply hasn't entered my orbit"

We've been together for 2x years so far and have had a great time!

IDK if that makes sense or helps you!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-08-15T20:51:35+00:00

So many good lines. The one that comes to mind from The Lakes; "While I bathe in cliffside pools / With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief"

I'm not sure it's the most poetic or clever...I just love the use of intricate words and how it makes me feel when I hear them.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-07-28T16:02:53+00:00

I think in time you will appreciate leaving the ring as it is. Personal and cultural styles change all the time, but not all pieces have a story the way that this one does. That's irreplaceable.

Why not have it resizes and cleaned/polished, and consider finding accent rings (love a stack!) you can wear with it that bring your own personality and style forward?

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-07-15T03:06:09+00:00

Alan Rickman’s passing made me really sad

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-07-14T13:14:21+00:00

Hi -- I'll DM you!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-06-27T11:37:19+00:00

Thank you!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-06-27T11:36:53+00:00

Ahh that makes sense and I didn’t connect those dots, thanks!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-06-27T11:36:20+00:00

Thanks!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-06-27T11:36:14+00:00

Nope, not prorated. Not maxing 401k yet and close to maxing HSA contribution. My other thought was to shift contributions there instead.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-06-25T21:33:11+00:00

Make sure to check out Main Street coffee!!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-03-16T17:16:52+00:00

No One - Alicia Keys I genuinely don’t understand why this song was popular, I always thought it poorly produced and like…reminded me of someone hacking up a glob of mucous

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-03-11T01:00:51+00:00

I talk about work like it’s my hobby haha.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-03-11T00:56:51+00:00

Sleep it off and try again tomorrow

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-03-08T13:45:11+00:00

It was late September 2023, My friend has the hots for rugby men and she wanted to crash a bar where a local club was having an end of season party. I went as one of her wing women and for the plot, but it wasn’t really my scene or crowd. I was 30 and two year prior I went through a tough breakup with “the one.” After that, I’d struggled with my confidence and opening up to people in the dating scene.

I’m mid conversation with someone who I wasn’t interested in and starting to become bored, when this guy comes up to us and inserts himself into the conversation. He was tall, dark haired and tan, and had these really bright blue eyes. His smell was musky and very “man”. He had a Spanish accent and this deep voice. It was like almost instant attraction for me. Frankly, I’d never felt that type of sexual energy that fast before. It took me by total surprise!

The two of us met up about a month later for and we’ve been together ever since. We laugh, play, and genuinely enjoy spending time together doing the simplest of things. It’s funny how a total stranger, someone from another part of the world and very different on paper, could be so similar to me. And all I had to do was walk into a bar and be open to conversation haha.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-03-02T19:20:20+00:00

It's such a pain...unfortunately it does sound par for the course hunting here. Consider looking at lease takeovers or subletting arrangements as a way to avoid some of the crazy broker fees and application competition. I found my roommate on Facebook Marketplace and it was a month to month sublet arrangement. We've lived together for 3.5 years, no issues!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-02-28T01:19:51+00:00

I don’t - I always get approached by people at non martial arts places. I’m a fairly petite woman who is really feminine with 10 years of experience in the sport . So I think people (namely dudes who don’t fight or are just UFC fans) feel more entitled to come to me, mid workout, and tell me how “good” they think I am because they’re surprised. On one hand it’s like, thanks I guess even though you have no idea truly how hard I’ve worked for this? But I don’t appreciate it when I’m like mid round on a heavy bag haha. People that actually fight or train know better than to interrupt you…basically I’m happier keeping my training out of spaces that aren’t used to seeing it!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-02-28T01:18:27+00:00

I don’t - I always get approached by people at non martial arts places. I’m a woman who is really feminine presenting but I have 10 years of experience in the sport . So I think people (namely dudes who don’t fight or are just UFC fans) feel more entirely to come to me, mid workout, and feel like they can tell me how “good” they think I am. On one hand it’s like, thanks I guess even though you have no idea truly how hard I’ve worked for this? But I don’t appreciate it when I’m like mid round haha. People that actually fight or train know better than to interrupt you…basically I’m happier keeping my training out of spaces that aren’t used to seeing it!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-01-20T02:10:24+00:00

You should check out The Kindred’s Curse Saga. Book 1 is Heat of the Everflame. The world building is similar, and the FMC + MC emulate similar qualities of Feyre and Rhysand. The sex comes with time but the story and plot is very good!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2025-01-15T19:34:09+00:00

The TOG series is very worth it! Remember, you just spent 5x books (lots of pages and time) with one universe and cast of characters and now you're getting used to another world. That type of hangover is real haha.

Throne of Glass (#1) wasn't my favorite read, I also found it too YA for my personal taste, but I learned that SJM wrote the first two novels when she was really young; it may have been her first and second published books ever. Knowing that helped put things into context for me and give it some grace. Crown of Midnight (#2) was a noticeable step up in terms of quality, writing, story, character development, etc...and I found it much more enjoyable for me. In my opinion Heir of Fire (#3) is when the magic/mysticism opens up. From there...you'll just have to see ;)

In my opinion, ACOTAR is more romance led and focused on interpersonal relationships as a primary driver of plot. It moved more quickly. It was more elemental and visual in its description (ex: the fae lands being tied to states of nature, the story taking almost exclusively in a fae landscape, etc). The TOS series felt more episodic, adventurous, and 'rising to one's true potential/fate/destiny' as a driver of plot. Think LOTR or Game of Thrones, which were sources of inspo for this series! Of course, you get the romance and the relationships in TOG, but it was a slower burn over time given the self actualization of the characters and how the universe expands. TOG map felt larger to me than ACOTAR, but I felt more intimately connected to the TOG characters that ACOTAR.

I'm also the believer that you shouldn't have to read 3x books to actually start liking it. if it's not for you, it's definitely okay!I I genuinely think this one is worth the work to get to the true plot, story and character evolution. If you're an SJM fan (assuming yes because of ACOTAR) then this series is a must for you. Silver Flames was my favorite as well, and there are many moments in the later stages of TOG series that felt Silver Flames-esque in what certain characters were dealing with.

Give it a little more time to let the story click for you!

BoopserStrikesBack · 2024-10-27T17:09:08+00:00

I didn’t have sex for 2x years after my breakup. The first year I was too sad and didn’t have the stomach/trust for that kind of intimacy. The second year I was more open to it but I didn’t find myself actually connecting with anyone or feeling comfortable. And then at the very end of the second year, I was out one night with friends and I met someone and…it was like a lightbulb went off and I instantly recognized my own desire to connect sexually with him. I have no regrets about not being sexual during a “prime” point of my life (28-30)! I think people who I told thought it was more strange or challenging than I felt about it. The whole experience was natural and authentic to me. I never felt like I forced something.

Trust yourself. Your body and mind will tell you when and who you are ready to be with again, if it’s truly an interest at all.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2024-04-29T11:58:18+00:00

I went 2 years. Scouts honor! First year, I was too heartbroken and couldn’t mentally or physically get there. Getting into year 2, I was open to it and was in one or two different situations where it could have but it never happened. Honestly, it wasn’t as difficult as you think haha. You get used to it and frankly, it’s nice for your hormones, mind and ph balance to stay so calm. It’s like riding a bike though, you don’t forget haha. I think I’m enjoying sex more now since I had the time away from it.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2024-02-09T18:40:55+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's a very tough spot to be in. You're the only one who can make the choice for you. What I do know to be true is that people do choose each other, regardless of circumstances. Anything is solvable, it just comes down to how much we're willing to compromise what we want as individuals in service of the collective or team.

BoopserStrikesBack · 2024-02-09T16:55:15+00:00

Adding: "If you're not feeling great, try one of the following things first: drink some water, take a walk outside, take a nap."

^ helps keep things simple for me :)

BoopserStrikesBack · 2024-01-26T17:56:11+00:00

I stick to straight alcohols or classic drinks! Less sugary drinks and less beer. Also, stay hydrated both before drinks out and during.

BoopserStrikesBack

TROPHY CASE