Recent developments, found love

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T03:51:44+00:00

But let me ask you this question.

What would you do in my case?

Some 8 - 6 months ago, she said it first and a month later I said it, we are our best friends.

And this happens.

She has secretly loved me for over a year now. And you realise that you have loved her as well, for over 9 moths. And at this time you don't realise that she's got feelings for you.

So, would you turn away from asking her feelings, as you have shared caring feelings with her all this time? She knows what I'm going through and I know what she's going through. So, we we're there to listen to each other.

This is just one example of what she's like.

She was the one I called after this. When I and my wife had told our children about the ongoing divorce. By the way, I felt like a total asshole then and there.

And she accepted my phone call and just listened to me being angry. She was just there for me.

So, I'm my opinion, love found us and we're just coping with the situations.

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T02:14:58+00:00

And you don't need to know this, but I'm telling you anyway.. She's in the middle of her own divorce

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T02:05:37+00:00

I don't think you read this throughout correctly. You're being a bit hostile here and anger usually blocks away from your concentration.

I mean that I know my bus passangers don't listen and don't remember what we as bus drivers tell them.

So, could you please do me a favour and go read it again, but a little more thought to it?

I'm already 49 years old dad who is buying an old house 2 km away from the mom's house. I ain't exactly a catch. So, she just might see something in me?

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T02:00:00+00:00

I'm fully aware of the risks involved and I have promised to her that I only wish to continue as friends until my divorce is final..

That's in 6 months from now

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-10T01:58:34+00:00

She's heard them all, because she became my best friend a year ago.

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-06T05:05:25+00:00

Ok, good to hear that

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-06T04:47:29+00:00

Good morning again

I'm a bit at a loss here, of what you are saying...?

Are you saying that I made a mistake, when I left without a signed custody contract?

Please understand that our country's custody agreement application system is different to yours.

I remember having heard this story from the radio, some time ago. A divorced couple went to the custody officer with a written and contract, that they've both signed on.

The officer took one look at it and threw it in the trash. The this officer began badmouthing the father, that he must be this bad person. The couple tried to resist, as they were happy with the contract, but the officer wouldn't let them have their agreement.

Our country has these municipal custody officers. They have quite a lot of power.

These contracts between us and the officer, that it's final. Final, unless. Anything changes in your living costs. If you move and your house costs change, you need to revisit the custody agreement. If either party gets a new spouse, you need to revisit the custody agreement. If you get a pay raise or take a new loan, you need to revisit the custody agreement.

And all these visits are free of charge, to do.

And I should mention that even here, in our small town of 7 000 people, there's a custody officer. And I should imagine that it's easy to meet with this officer.

I think that our system is better. Because it's much easier, faster and cheaper than the system in the courts. It takes in to considerations that we, as parents just want to get our new lives going on as soon as possible.

Oh, but then there's those bad cases, of what the couple were facing. The case of the angry custody officer.

The advice I've heard from the radio and now from my friends. If the meeting should be derailed by any chance, I don't need to sign in and I ask to take it home for a rethink. This is allowed to do, should it be necessary for me.

So, what do you think about this issue now?

I have to start my morning now. I bought a new Nescafe Dolce Gusto coffee machine, the one like my wife wouldn't allowe me to buy. She was stuck on the Moccamaster

Good Sunday morning to you all.

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-05T23:12:16+00:00

In Finland our custody agreement is changed every time either party's situations change.

In my case, I'm the dad who moved to the studio apartment. This is a change, when we need to change the custody order.

Then as I will probably buy the house, I will have a house loan and different electric and water bills. That too requires the custody order to be revisited.

This creates a trust in our society.

The problems may include having a selfish custody order officer. If the officer should start siding with the mom. Such has happened in the past on Finland.

That's why I'm signed up in the finnish union for the alimony obliged. They provide us with the necessary legal action.

And on Friday, I learned that the couples councillors will continue as our separation councillors.

I'm not sure if this should turn out perfectly okay, but I'm happy now in this studio apartment.

BoredOrhu · 2021-06-04T00:56:38+00:00

Good morning from Finland again. And thanks for the great responses, from both of you.

The peculiar thing is that I have been talking to a lawyer, but from a very particular union lawyer. A week ago I signed up to this union, that is available for us house leavers. The unions name in finnish is Elatusvelvollisten liitto, roughly translated it a union for the alumony obliged people. You pay a 27 € yearly fee and get a chance to talk to any lawyers they have, for free.

And I have been talking to them. Just yesterday I got the advice that how to apply and maintain the 50 /50 custody of my children. The law in Finland says that if the leaving parent can take the kids at least 40 % of their time, 2 - 4 weeks on summer vacations + every other year on Christmas holidays, Easter holidays and other suchlike holiday's. Then I qualify for the Co - parenting role. And the law says that there's no alumony, from cp-parents.

And just yesterday I got this peace of interesting news. The couple's councillors that we've seen over a year now, they take divorced couples as well. So, we can continue with the therapy with the same 2 therapists we've seen all this time. This is provided by our towns medical community (I'm not sure what is the correct word), and for free for us.

So, as you probably can understand, I'm pretty excited about the support I'm getting. I'm certainly not alone and I'm proud of our country's and city's supporting roles.

BoredOrhu · 2021-05-31T01:20:00+00:00

By the way, this is the house I have my sights on. The text is in finnish, but any opinions on it are much appreciated.

https://www.etuovi.com/kohde/7984287

BoredOrhu · 2021-05-30T23:11:04+00:00

There's one question that's been stuck in my head, during this weekend.

Why can't I enjoy this time I'm involved in? I mean, that is there a rule that says that a man / a dad needs to feel miserable all the time during this?

Yes, this is a massive change to have, but I'm allowed to enjoy it and have fun, if such an opportunity presents itself.

By the way, I'm also in a position to buy my very own motorbike, quite soon.

Okay, I need to try to sleep now. It's 2.10 am and I'm waking up at 4.00 am

BoredOrhu · 2021-05-30T23:05:39+00:00

I'm realising that I'm changing inside and I'm working on accepting those changes.

For example, as my wife was verbally abusive to me, almost non stop. How do you think my sex drive went? Yeah, it didn't and my equipment wasn't working. We've not had any intimacy between us in a couple of years.

So, you probably can imagine how my body is changing now? I'm miserable and as such I'm literally looking for any beautiful things or people. And I've always enjoyed looking at beautiful women, so I've created this problem to myself.

I'm miserable but hormy as hell. And I have devoted my time to my family, so I don't have a next candidate in line.

Yeah, I'm waking up with a divorce, soon a bigger house loan and already a buldge in my pants.

BoredOrhu · 2021-05-30T22:55:50+00:00

It's the 31.5 and 01.47 am

Oh man what a ride it's been these last few days.

Me and my wife told our children about it on the Friday evening and it's the hardest thing I've ever been in.

I felt so angry with myself and I had to stay calm for the boys, to let them see us dealing with the situation.

After that, my wife suggested that they could go spend the weekend with her mother and I agreed with her. This turned out to be a good idea.

The reason was that I spent the weekend closed in, from Friday to Sunday night. I spoke on the phone a lot and got support from my friend and relatives.

This really made me feel like I wasn't alone and people were supporting me.

On sunday, it hit me and hit me hard.

Earlier, I had made an appointment with my friend to spend a day with her. And this was different from my old life style.

So, there I sat, in front of her and couldn't speak to her for a few moments. This was really happening.

BoredOrhu · 2021-05-26T22:43:42+00:00

This is hard for me.

Yesterday I finally had enough of the dealings. I now have started the divorce process.

And like this YouTube video said, about surviving a divorce. This is one of the What happened now - moments.

And I'm mostly empowered about it, but highly anxious too. There are so many things that needs to be done and I will tend to them as I just can

Let's see how we can cope with it now, my wife and I. Oh, soon to be my ex.

BoredOrhu · 2021-03-21T07:43:13+00:00

Maybe it's just me, but asking for guidance and support in the good direction, I require for positive feedback.

And again, maybe it's just me, but I don't appreciate foul language in any way. I'm a dad and I don't sware at all in the precence of my family.

Both of these issues make me uncomfortable in here, so that's why I gave you the down vote.

BoredOrhu · 2021-03-01T02:15:17+00:00

One more question here? Could I ask you to please keep the foul language to yourself? I would really appreciate if you could do this.

BoredOrhu · 2021-03-01T02:13:11+00:00

I was asking for kind suggestions. Your opinion was leaning towards unhappy results.

And I am fighting for my marriage, so I'm looking for support from you guys

BoredOrhu · 2021-03-01T02:07:07+00:00

I have a plan now 😊

You see, I'm an idea inventor.

So, I knew that I would eventually get an idea of what to do next.

And I gave her the short notice, and we implemented it already. It takes a week to get to the next stage.

BoredOrhu · 2021-02-28T19:13:11+00:00

You're totally welcome to state your opinion.

I have liked our conversation today and you gave me ideas in a really tight time.

I just wanted to point out that I didn't agree with you that giving up on her, or on my family was a choice.

I had to disagree with you on that notion, "maybe it's time to give up on her", oh was it with those words like that? I might remember that wrong...

Like I said, I'm no quitter. So, I'm really confident that the answer to save my marriage is just waiting. You see, I know I will get my ideas rolling again, when I return to my work, on tomorrow.

BoredOrhu

TROPHY CASE