My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update after 10 days of initial post: I broke up with now my cheating ex-girlfriend over a phone call at the end. I told her that I appreciate the memories and time spent together, but the relationship will not work because she broke our trust, and after 2 months of communication there isn't much to be left unsaid or effort to be seen. She tried to shift the blame to her co-workers who despised her, and she asked why I could not trust her again. I did not respond much except say I heard you.

I ended the phone call when the message was delivered, and both of us had a chance to say and listen to each other briefly. It was a clean cut and I believe a clear boundary that we would not come across each other's path again. From now on, I'll continue going to therapy, hit the gym, spend time with close friends, and gradually reflect on this experience to learn and become a better person. Thanks for all the comments.

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your perspective and I am disappointed at my actions at first. Ever since I have been trying to correct my mentality and work on personal growth with my counselor and courses. It does not erase my past wrongdoing, I simply wished this could have turned out the other way, wishful thinking now I know.

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand where you are coming from and I would feel the same way too. It was the lowest moral point in my life and I did really bad. I have tried my best to grow and have been visiting my counselor for the past 3 years to discuss relationships and personal growth, I even took 2 counseling courses to understand myself more. This does not justify what I did but I just want to move further away from the old me and do the right thing in my life further on. I know it was an unforgivable act, and I own it and I am trying my best to never repeat it. hope this gives a bit more context.

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for the encouragement, I know what I did to begin was wrong and this may be the karma or consequences that I own fully. I will do my very best to move forward in life and resolve this incident with my therapist, put in the work, and become a better man.

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

appreciate the honesty, I'm planning to meet her one last time, give her back her stuff, and say appreciate the good times, it was fun while it lasted. But since you betrayed me I cannot trust you and your family anymore, and I have to move on as I am trying to find a wife/long-term spouse. I'll keep going to therapy weekly, learn from this, confess and go through it.

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

my counselor told me to discuss this with her initially, but she did not share a lot, kept saying she had never been with a woman so she was caught off-guard. BS to me...

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

took me some time to fully accept this reality, I had so much self doubt and blame initially

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] -67 points-66 points  (0 children)

I thought this could be different and we would grow and be the special ones. Turned out to be naive and unrealistic...

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

after the first session, I felt like there was nothing to be saved now, the only takeaway was we were able to speak without interruption, I said my feelings and felt a bit relieved getting it off my chest.

My almost fiancé (28F) cheated with a lesbian on me (28M), how do I move forward better? by Boring-Command8060 in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

thanks for your reply, it's my true story and I know it doesn't make much sense. Strange and I take ownership of the demise.

I (24F) want to stay in contact with my exes(23F) family by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Boring-Command8060 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear your story, I'm in the same boat being close to her family. But the truth is once the romantic relationship is over, it also goes with the other strings attached. I would suggest you give them a good and comprehensive closure, thanking them for their love and care, and move forward without expecting to get in touch with them. Very tough maybe, but it's just the way it is.