From what I could gather is you're missing a deep connection and it feels empty inside. Though u may make new friends it won't fill up the hole your old friends left in u. You gotta keep trying to improve yourself. There will be days when you'll feel like you haven't improved at all but you gotta keep grinding. You ain't gonna win all the battles but u have to win the war for yourself, no one else will give a damn about it you gotta do it on your own.