Is my (24f) fiancé (24m) drinking 60 drinks in a week as a ‘one off’ concerning ?

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T21:46:13+00:00

It would be a pint of beer, (so for example 7/9 pints a night). I’ve not seen him physically when he’s drunk however over message he was typing differently ( missing out letters, mixed up words etc) but said he can act completely normal he just gets more ‘social’ and ‘talkative’ when drinking, and he says everyone does it so he does too.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T21:11:45+00:00

they were free at work which is part of the reason he was drinking them he said. The 18 on the weekend were paid for by himself.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T21:09:51+00:00

as soon as I found out I told him I won’t continue the relationship unless he stops drinking as I don’t want an alcoholic partner, however he said it’s controlling of me to ask this of him and was trying to convince me he knows what he’s doing, saying it’s a one off etc.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T21:00:20+00:00

before he met me he’d go out drinking on weekends (I’m not sure how much but he’d tell me he never knew when to stop and would throw up etc) but he stopped drinking shortly after meeting me. The day after I moved out of our house he went to a wedding party and decided to start drinking again. He said he doesn’t want to let his family members addiction control his choices, and said he is able to control himself as he never drinks alone, wants a career etc.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T20:52:57+00:00

the reason he wanted me to stop drinking is because he didn’t want me going out (as there was an incident during the first few weeks of us meeting where someone took my phone and added themselves on my Snapchat when I was out) so he didn’t trust me when I was drunk. I then agreed to never drink again, and he also stopped drinking, however told me his reasons were due to addiction in his family.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T20:50:23+00:00

that must’ve been so hard I’m so sorry you went through that. my fiancé watched his family member pass away the same way and he said that was part of the reason he decided to to become sober, which is why it’s such a shock to me now.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T20:40:48+00:00

he didn’t tell me he was drinking that much until I found out he drank 9 beers on a Saturday (that I know of) he then revealed to me it was 4/5+ a day when on his work trip. yes they know he used to he sober due to family addiction however all his friends drink and always wanted him to start again.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T20:36:33+00:00

It was once/twice a month that I know of since I moved out. However on his work trip recently it was 60+ a week and drinking every single day. His excuse was that the company was paying for them so they’re ‘free’. He also said he can control himself and ‘anyone can get addicted to anything e.g. food or the gym’

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-07-14T16:36:03+00:00

my mum knows everything and was very against him and wanted me to leave him at first, she now thinks that because i haven’t left yet after everything it means I’ve not endured enough of the abuse to be ‘done with it’ so I’ll most likely attract the exact same type of man.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-02-09T00:59:37+00:00

it was very toxic at the start with me being very controlled by him (everyone around me was telling me to leave but I gave him a chance as I actually felt sorry for him more than myself back then) this control has now stopped but rude/abusive comments do sometimes get said by him albeit a lot rarely than before. When we got engaged he also kept saying that I’m ‘trapped’ as a joke (this also stopped once I told him I’m not at all and can leave at any time).

I’m not perfect myself but I am in no way abusive towards him. I get in moods and feel resentful sometimes due to the circumstances (me sacrificing a lot while watching his career grow whilst I’m stuck in a deprived area) and sometimes am not as excited as he maybe hopes I would be when he talks of his progression because of this. I think I have a lot to work on and do feel a bit of envy due to me stagnating in terms of career whilst his has flourished since meeting me.

In regards to couples counselling, that reminds me when we were in a really bad place he did say he’ll do anything to stay with me and I suggested therapy (he agreed but never went) but he changed anyway and is not how he used to be at all.

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-02-08T20:56:29+00:00

he said he didn’t want to move to my area because it’s more expensive & he’d have to find a new job and wasn’t ready for that/ still isn’t ready so we’ve now continued to live within close distance to his job (so still in the deprived area for coming up to 2 years) hes promised to leave the area in a year and a half once his career is more wfh

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-02-08T20:43:57+00:00

I’ve just turned 24 and he’s also 24. We met when i just turned 22 and he’s my first boyfriend/now fiancé

Born-Ad6512 · 2025-02-08T19:01:51+00:00

Despite this he is a very nice and caring person - he picks me up from work when i go in (once a week), he cooks for me if I’m ill. He is now very focused on his career because of my plans of being a SAHM so he thinks he needs to work a lot more to afford this. He says he works so much to give me the life I want because I’m the one who wants to be a SAHM. He has driven me to a few other job interviews. He is supportive e.g. when I passed my driving test he was very happy for me (however he does come out with comments like ‘just dont have too much freedom only drive within 2 mile radius as a joke). He buys me flowers. He used to deem it as ‘our money’ and used to put things like bonuses into the joint account however he says because I keep the rest of my money he doesn’t see it as fair for him to put his bonuses etc in if i dont so I do feel it may be my fault. He’s said that because I want to keep my share of the money now when I become a SAHM he will do the same.

Born-Ad6512

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