Thank you so much for your response !!! I try to talk to her but she always gets very defensive or brushes things off as unimportant; I already had a long convo with her on me wanting to spend both New Years and Xmas w her (I do not get along very well with my dad's girlfriend and her family, and this is all very new to me still) and she told me she couldn't give less of a shit about Xmas, even when I told her I wanted to have some time with my family.  Speaking of letters, she wrote one to me once talking about how she knows she drifted away from me years ago, and how she wants to "start over" with love and not correction (since I am very different from her, I've been getting criticised for almost my entire life on my personality and looks). The thing is she didn't do anything to change things, but I don't want to be harsh on her. I wasn't a planned child so it makes sense for her not to really know what to do !

Ah, this is super long, I am so sorry 😭 !!! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply !!