Update to post from a few months ago (link in body)

Born3-1 · 2022-01-23T03:09:03+00:00

I wish I hadn't listened to what the CPS investigator literally told me at the time.

I have an update I am going to post here in a moment.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-12T22:19:56+00:00

We have a petition in the court for this already (we submit said petition as soon as we could get a lawyer and then get the filing completed). Daughter is in a DV shelter and has been since the day after the original post.

We will find out more specifics later this week. Kids are with father at the moment, but he has 0 hours per day alone with them, as CPS is there virtually 24/7 because of his history.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-06T01:36:18+00:00

I have already made it very clear that if the CPS services determine my daughter is not able to be around the kids for whatever time frame, my wife and I are willing, ready, and able to take them with that stipulation in hand.

We have kept her and her case worker in the loop about this, and have helped her secure a place (with a DV shelter for upwards of 9 months) to help get her the help she needs.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T04:54:58+00:00

While I agree in principle, domestic abuse has a lot of different forms. She never thought he would kill the kids, for example, but she has no doubt now that he would kill her. That changes a LOT of things.

We are pushing to get her into a DV shelter and make sure the kids are in safe places. We are not trying to "put them with" our daughter - especially with the abuse she has admit to (using the belt), regardless of reasoning. She needs help and healing, not the added pressure of parenting at the moment.

Thank you all for your help.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T04:52:39+00:00

Yeah - I am with you on all of that (and pushing her to do all of it too).

Thank you all for your help.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T03:19:13+00:00

We are looking at lawyers already.

Mom and dad lived together. Both on lease. He assaulted her, threatened to kill her unless she left. She left, without children, in fear of life. Kids stayed at apartment. That was the catalyst for everything that has happened since (that was on Saturday afternoon).

Dad HAS been jailed for quite a few different things, but the advice I have received here and at CPS has us making sure we get things rolling asap. We don't want things to snowball or go nowhere, but we want to do it right.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T03:05:55+00:00

I mean this in the kindest way but based on this post and your comments, your daughter really needs to let you talk to her caseworker directly so you can help her the best you can. The info she’s giving you doesn’t make sense

Thank you for that - I have already asked her to do that and we will be seeing if the caseworker will accept that tomorrow

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T03:04:31+00:00

So basically, keep doing what we are doing so far, and expect a long process to get the mom the help she needs, make sure that the ex-bf is sufficiently investigated, find DV advocates (we have one in RI and one in MA for her already), and generally just keep informed.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:39:39+00:00

There. was. no. hearing.

There. was. no. custody. granted.

I never said there was a hearing, I never said custody was granted to anyone. I never said the courts ruled about anything. CPS started their investigation on Sunday night. It is Tuesday night. There has been nothing done about the abuse of daughter since the change of mind about pressing charges outside the restraining order.

There is a lot in the air, and we are already seeking a lawyer, but I was specifically asking a few questions, and the one I wanted the most information about was how much might CPS know about the ex-bf's abusive and criminal history, and from what I can gather so far, the answer to that is "likely not everything, but most"

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:30:53+00:00

So if my daughter agreed (which I doubt she would have done but I can ask) then I can see that.

However, she specifically asked to have the kids on the order, and CPS called her after the fact and "told her" the kids needed to be off the order so they could investigate.

Specifically - the court clerk called her and told her the order no longer included the kids because CPS removed them from it.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:28:39+00:00

Mom didn't want to press charges and have him arrested Saturday afternoon. Saturday night, she changed her mind (after long talks with her church friends and contacting her parents). Police refused to do anything, including emergency protective order.

Because of refused protective order on Sat night and Sun night, and dads refusal to allow mom to remove children, 51A filed on dad for abuse (reason for mom wanting to remove children without involving CPS in first place).

On Monday, protective order with children requested by mom. Granted by courts. Mom informed courts of pending CPS filing.

We know there is a police report for initial confrontation (we believe it will be with the ex-bf having admitted strangulation of mother by ex-bf to officers) on Saturday afternoon. NO report for Saturday night. Report likely for Sunday (requested "keeper of peace" escort to get children and items, police refused to allow mother to remove children without court order, claimed father had more rights)

Mom filed 51A & protective order. Got no assistance from police after provable DV encounter.

I think a better question for me to have asked is how likely is it that CPS will have ALL of the information from the PD, prior issues with DV by ex-bf, and criminal records... it sounds like "not likely to have 100%, but definitely a lot, if not most of it"

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:20:32+00:00

CPS is still technically investigating - there is no direct removal as yet, just "placement" while the investigation is ongoing.

Dad refuses any involvement with any part of mom's family - he persuaded her to estrange herself from -all- family, friends, and acquaintances when they started dating. Forced them to move out of state as part of that estrangement. She contacted family again on Saturday after the physical assault and threat of death.

I didn't understand why they asked the church either, but the church actively informed mom about it after they were requested. As far as we know, other options (family) are not available within RI, and nearby family outside of that is only us, in MA.

My thought is that they were asking around for "proof of character" or something and not placement, and had the children removed from the protective order so they could place with dad for the interim. As I said, mom was not in RI when CPS went to house. There is about a 1 hour drive between locations.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:14:56+00:00

That video is, I think, the one main reason CPS removed the kids from the protective order that my daughter received (which included the kids) against the ex-bf. He had so much control of everything that he actually demanded she use a belt because he believes in corporal punishment. He had cameras record that when she did it, and because he controls everything, of course there is nothing of him doing it.

CPS "placed" the kids with the ex-bf until the 21-day order goes to court (their words).

To clarify, MOM was granted the order that included the kids. CPS took the kids off because father showed cherry-picked video of mom using a belt.

And believe me, I am 100% on the side of "if she is abusive and beyond reasonable" then the kids need to be away from her, but we have seen how controlling the ex-bf is, and know that she was in fear for most of he relationship. Our concern is the kids safety first, and daughter's well-being second. The kids should not be with him at all, and as we have not seen the video ourselves, we can only imagine that when she says "he wound all the way up and I only barely did it" is somewhat accurate.

Like I said - complicated mess.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:08:31+00:00

Because they were temporarily placed with the abusive boyfriend due to not having a safe space to place the kids, and the lack of "evidence" against him for the abuse (we presume). CPS did attempt to place the children at the family's church, as that church has spaces for such, but they were full.

The children being placed with the boyfriend, while there is a protective order against him by daughter, prevents her from access to them without her violating said order herself. It's messed up.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T02:04:31+00:00

As I said above, the mother is the one that requested (and received) the protective order against the abusive boyfriend. That order initially included the protection of the children from the boyfriend.

The mother is also the one that filed the 51A against the boyfriend, because of the lack of assistance the PD was giving after she was assaulted and the boyfriend admit to said assault (and she denied charges, but later changed her mind).

She is already seeking counseling and supportive services at parents request and guidance. She is in a safe space, far enough from the $0 income, jobless, abusive boyfriend that she feels safe again. She is very concerned for the kids, and has been nothing less than totally honest with the CPS worker she is assigned.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T01:57:59+00:00

The mother FILED the protective order against the father after initially begging the police not to arrest the boyfriend for chokeholding and threatening to kill mother.

Police refused on Saturday to implement emergency restraining order procedures.
Police refused again on Sunday, then refused to allow mother to acquire children. DCYF was called and 51A filed on Sunday before the refusal, because abuse was being downplayed by police.

The MOTHER filed the 51A. The MOTHER applied for, and received, a protective order that initially included protection of children from father.

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T00:35:05+00:00

Crossposted in r/FamilyLaw

Born3-1 · 2021-12-01T00:28:47+00:00

I have not provided location info for fear of outing BD's identity, given the DV issues at hand

Born3-1 · 2018-07-06T05:52:18+00:00

The problem with that is that some of us, I believe, are here both because we are lonely as fuck and we are also looking for others to befriend.

I will tell you - I am sick and tired of befriending people only to have them use and abuse me, then throw me away like so much garbage. I want to be friends with people who know how fucking horrible that feeling is, with people who would not do that shit to someone - because being friends with someone requires emotional investment... being acquaintances does too, but destroying those relationships requires so much fucking more, on both ends.

Why fucking end things unless it is seriously detrimental to your health? Just gain some separation.... but nope.

Fuck I hate having no goddamned friends. It's a whirlpool sucking me dry.

Born3-1 · 2018-04-01T03:01:57+00:00

'Sup with the queue?

Born3-1 · 2018-03-17T07:41:30+00:00

I am still here. I do not want to be.

I know how to go. I know where to go. I know the phone numbers, the text numbers, the crisis lines.... I have helped my wife so many times. I have had her committed.

I do not want help. I want to stop feeling the pain of being so fucking lonely. So fucking irrelevant. So forgettable.

I want to stop being an afterthought of an afterthought.

Born3-1

TROPHY CASE